The Waves. [Ems]

Mizar Roxen

" I know you didn't state that you want to go into the hunger games. At least you don't have the pressure of your own family wanting you dead. And before you say a word I know from what you told me that you don't have a family, but that doesn't change the fact I have pressure to perform in the games whether I want to or not." We were doing well keeping a conversation going. It was all being kept calm until he had to bring up why he has nothing worth living for. Anger pulses through my veins with each heart beat. I can feel my hands balling into fists. I grip my pants to keep my hands calm. I look at him. "You at least have someone to pressure you! Who do I have? I don't have anyone! I don't have anyone that would want me to fight for them! I don't have any reason to want to fight in the Hunger Games. I would rather die than return here! I have nothing to look forward to, but I promised my sister I would train for her! I promised her I would train, and I'm not about to break that promise."

I don't know why we started fighting, but I thought this guy was polite, but it turned out he's not. He's not polite in the least way. He's dumb, and ignorant. "I train because if I was reaped then I want to be able perform well in the games. I don't ever want to embarrass my family at all. I want to grow old and die from age, not the hunger games. I train to keep myself from being an embarrassment" I crack my neck trying to calm myself down. I try to calm myself down to keep myself from blowing the fuse, but it's nearly impossible. "You are worried about being an embarrassment? You are worried that your family would disown you if you didn't train? I don't have to worry about it! I'm best off dead because I could rejoin my family! I don't know why I'm holding on living here because I hate it! I hate everything about it! I hate being stuck here living knowing every breath I take could be my last! I know what would happen if I was reaped! I would die. I don't want to return home. I don't care if I'm an embarrassment or not because it's not worth it. It's not worth killing others for me to return home."

Narration 875729
Thoughts 998866
Hearing BB9966
Speech BBAA99
Other DDBB99

Mizar Roxen

He walks away from me. He walks to where he threw the spear he grabs it and drops it down in front of me. Anger still surging through my veins. I never wanted to fight with him. I never wanted to fight with anyone, but it became obvious a fight was going to happen when he kept trying to drag his family into the training situation. "If you're so certain you will die in the games then why wait? You train for your sister for what? To die in the games? Wake up and realize that there is more to life then the damn hunger games. If you hate training then quit training." I hate training. Who cares if I train? Nobody does because I'll never be the career. I'll never be the victor for District Four. I don't want to be a victor. I want to die.

"Of course I'm worried about being an embarrassment. I may hate training, but if I turn out to be a failure at life then my family will have to live with the shame. If you hate being stuck here then feel free to use my spear to say goodbye. You're still here so that must mean you have something to live for. Find that reason." Ouch. He slapped me across the face with his words. I can feel them wrapping around my body tightening with each word he speaks. "You want me to say goodbye? I'll say goodbye." I'm coming home Muscinda. I'm coming home. I lean forward and pick up the spear. I place the tip of it against my abdomen. A single tear runs down my face as I stare into the distance blocking out everything around me. "Muscinda will welcome me home because it's obvious your nice guy act isn't going to work. You're right, I'm best off dead. I shouldn't be alive living because I have nothing to live for anymore."

Narration 875729
Thoughts 998866
Hearing BB9966
Speech BBAA99
Other DDBB99

Mizar Roxen

"No one is better off dead. Don't do it Mizar. If you're pissed off at me then say so, but don't kill yourself because of what I have said and done. Don't....." His words ring through my head over and over again. No one is better off dead. I can feel anger surging through me fueling my adrenaline like the wind fueling a fire. I can feel my face turning redder the longer I stand there facing him. He doesn't know when to shut up. He doesn't know when to stick his foot in his mouth because earlier he was telling me I was better off dead. I clinch my hands tighter around the spear that's in my abdomen. I look at him in the eyes waiting to see what he'll do. If you don't have a reason to live, kill yourself. You're best off dead. I look down at the ground prepared to throw myself and the ground to jab this spear through me, but I stop.

"You told me I was best off dead, now you're telling me I'm not best off dead? Nobody is best off dead? Why did you tell me I should kill myself if I had nothing to live for then?" My voice is shaky as I fight back the tears forming in my eyes. My hands shake around the spear as I stare at him unsure of what to do. "Well? Tell me! Tell me because you have told me two different things. Are you a man of your word, or are you a coward trying to cover up for what you said?" I look at him confused. I fight the tears that's forming in my eyes. I fight them with everything I have because I won't cry in front of this fool. I won't cry in front of him. Muscinda, what have I done? Will you come rescue me? Will you welcome me home? Do I need to die now? Should I wait until I'm reaped so I can die in the games? I stare at him waiting for an answer. I wait for the answer he has to give before I make the decision to end my life here in front of him. It's all his fault

Narration 875729
Thoughts 998866
Hearing BB9966
Speech BBAA99
Other DDBB99

Mizar Roxen

"Listen closely. You're basically asking to die. All I meant was that if you want to die then why are you here? Me personally I don't want anyone to die. My own opinion." I want to be dead, but I don't want to die. I want to be with Muscinda, but I don't want to die. A light turns on in my head when I think of an idea. A small smile grows on my face as I turn and face the sea. I grab the spear and throw it as hard as I can into the sea. I turn and face him cocking my head slightly to the side. "I'm going to go find Muscinda." I turn and walk towards the sea. My feet touch the soft sand as the water splashes around my ankles.

I jump in and start walking away from the beach like she did. I stop when the water is up to my neck. I turn back and look at him unsure of what to say or do. "I'm a swimmer. I'm going to spend the rest of my life swimming. I'm not going to spend my life doing something I hate. I'm not going to live a life I hate because it's not worth it." I'm sorry Muscinda, but I won't be training anymore. Weapons don't belong in my hands. I'm going to swim forever. I slowly dip my head under water. My eyes immediately shut; however, I force them open. I'm alive at last. I'm finally alive.

Narration 875729
Thoughts 998866
Hearing BB9966
Speech BBAA99
Other DDBB99

Mizar Roxen

Swimming is one of my favorite past times. I would swim every second of every day if I had the choice, but Muscinda wanted to train, and I wanted to please her. She always thought being in the hunger games would be the best thing she could do, but I never wanted to be in them. If I was in the games now, I would want to die because it would allow me to live with the rest of my family. I would be extremely happy because I would see them again. I want to see them again because no words can express the pain I feel every day of my life. I'll be with you all in the future. It might not be today. It might not be tomorrow, but one day I'll see you all again.

Life is worth living you just have to find it Mizar. I have and that reason is to take my mother and sister and leave our house." I have a reason to live, and that's to die in the future, but I don't dare tell that to him because I don't want to fight anymore. I just want to swim and enjoy the day. I want to relax and bring myself to a peace of mind, but it's nearly impossible. "Muscinda just swam away. She never returned. Her body was never found. Part of me wonders if she managed to escape this place, but everyone says she's dead. I have no one. I just have me. I just have myself to think of. I don't know what it's like to have a family anymore." At least he has a family to fight over what they believe is right.

Narration 875729
Thoughts 998866
Hearing BB9966
Speech BBAA99
Other DDBB99