hurts like heaven | closed , Bryan

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to have a normal family. One with loving parents and brothers and sisters who weren't scared and always so tired. I know a family like that will only exist in my dreams because I didn't have a normal family. My family was out of the ordinary. Lucy and I were the only two kids who actually didn't get the worst of the beatings from mom and dad. By the time we actually understood what was happening we had our brothers and sisters standing up for us because we are the babies. Except as hard as they tried they couldn't save us from everything. I have scares just like them, except I didn't have as many.

Lily came up to me and talked in a fake cheery voice. Lily was an interesting girl. She had brown hair and mocha skin. I wasn't exactly sure about her thought. She had a bite to her. Sometimes I wonder why I even try to be her friend because sometimes it's quite obvious she doesn't want anything to do with me. But there is something about her harsh nature that just calls out to me. It's like she is trying to hide something that's happening to her. I wanted to know but I every time I spoke to her my heart pounded. I had been in her class since I started school. Maybe my brother would call it a crush but I wouldn't say that. Crushes are supposed to be on the sweet girls, not the mean ones.

Maybe I was attracted to harsh because that was all I knew. After all I grew up in that environment. I sighed and let all my thoughts float to the back of my mind. Pausing for a moment I wonder how to answer her question? Should I tell her? But I know she doesn't really care. So instead of answering right away I just stared at her. Why was I just staring at her? I saw her facial expression widen as though to tell me to hurry up with it. "Uh - nothing really... just... wandering." I saw in stuttering sounds. Wow. You blew it that time Ashton. Just like every time. That's what My mother would tell me. "You?"

I don't like getting hurt. I haven't met someone in my life who likes getting hurt. No one likes being hurt by someone they love. So I guess people would say I don't like getting hurt by my parents. But they are wrong in some ways. I don't love my parents. I feel no love for them, I din't recall a day I said I love you to them and mean it. So it doesn't hurt me as much as it would emotionally if I did love them. I am starting to expect being hurt now. It's all I ever have known, pain. Emotional and physical. Except physical heals while emotional doesn't ever fully heal.

Lily is confusing if you ask me. I wasn't truly sure on her feelings towards me. Except, I am leaning towards her having some sort of annoyance towards me that just doesn't go away. No matter what I do, I annoy her in some way. Anyone in their right mind would not really want to be around her. But I guess I wasn't in my right mind. All I want to do is see Lily. Just from a distance is fine, where I can admire her. Why I admire her so much was a mystery to me that could never really be solved. Maybe it was because of her fire I wish I had. Or maybe it was the way she moved. Or maybe it was just the way I can relate to her in a sickening way. Like I said, the mystery will never be solved.

Unlike me, people know about Lily's situation at home. If I could do anything for her I would. But I am a 13 year old boy with abusive parents that don't care so what can I really do? No body knows about my mother and father beating me and my siblings. It's kept a secret because we are scared of what they would do to us if we told anyone. Everyone thinks I have a really nice family. I smile and laugh slightly. Shaking my head in agreement with her when she spoke. "I defiantly agree with you on that one." I didn't want to go home because all I would get was a beating and the summer sun on my back as I was forced to do some sort of labor.

Her expression on her face showed her confusion on my response. I didn't expect anything different from here. Like I said before, no one knows about my issues at home. I wish I had the courage to stand up and speak to someone about it but I couldn't get myself to. It was hard talking about it to any of my siblings since they are all sensitive on the subject. I just want a change in my life, but some things are too good to be true.

The moment she asked me to talk to her, my heart began to race a lot fast then normal. It felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. She has never asked me to talk to her before. My cheeks flushed a red color that made me furious with myself for letting her get to me like this. She reached her hands out and right as I was done registering it and about to grab it she recoiled and I almost let a sigh escape my lips.

Instead of her hand, which I would have preferred, I followed her deep into the woods of district 7. Trees were like an escape to me, I would climb them and think about everything up in the branches. As we walked I got more anxious. We made it pretty deep in the forest, dodging leaves and twigs as we went. "What's wrong?" I ask solemnly.

I guess I do care about Lily. My brother told me once that only a few people care and the rest are just curious. But I could tell you know I truly did care so much about her. Ever since I met her I liked her and even though she was mean to me sometimes, I let it go because I cared. And somethings and people are worth the pain because being nice and caring will come back to you sometime. I am a strong believer in that because I was nice to Lily and now I was getting rewarded for it. Even though it was a while ago.

Her whisper rang out in the crisp hot air and as she wrapped her arms around me in a embrace I was stunned. Stunned that Lily Alleman was hugging me, me out of all people. At first I just stood there but I wrapped my arms around her quickly once it hit me. Lily might actually be thanking me in a weird way. "You're welcome." I didn't ask about what she wanted to talk about in the forest but I decided I should let her talk about it when she thought it was right.

She grabbed my hand. Hers was cold and against my hot one it felt nice. A energy spark ran throw my arm and up to my heart as she lead me somewhere. I trusted her so I didn't ask question. I liked having someone who cared.

Love is such a weird thing. It's fake and sometimes so real. It's an emotion that many people know but not many have forever. I have never experienced love like some people have. People can tell you and act like they love you, but really it's only a game. They are playing a big game of pretend and the person who treats it like life gets hurt. I am afraid of that. I don't want to know fake love and never know what it's like to have real love. I give so much love out and I don't get even half back. Maybe it's because so many people have gotten hurt by love and they don't want to venture back out.

Lily stops me dead in my tracks and her question made my heart stop. I thought I was going to drop dead. Literally I thought I stopped running because my blood felt like it ran cold. I wasn't sure what I should say. Yes? No? It all could go in different directions. But I just spoke what I knew was the truth. "Why would I care and still be nice to you when you act like a brat to me?" I ask. It occured to me that I really did care and love her because love was worth putting up with it. "So, I - ye - yes." That was one of the harder sentences to say.

She apologized for being a brat. It came quite hard to me because, to be honest I never expected it. I never expected her to apologize for the way she acted towards me or to anyone really. I didn't know she would do that. I didn't even expect her to realize she was a brat to anyone at all. Some times people just don't even realize how the treat people. It was nice knowing that Lily did know and she was truly sorry for it. How do I know she was truly sorry? Because Lily actually apologized.

I look down at my hands and rub them together nervously before I look up to speak. "You don't have to love me back. I don't expect you too. No one really does anyway." I look down at the floor again. I step over to a large tree and slid down the trunk to a sitting position. "There isn't much to love."