Don't Judge me [Toast]

She looked into his eyes and held his gaze as she waited for his answer. Austin took a deep steadying breath and he answered, "It's what I do,” he told Izabella, pausing before he went on, "I wanted to help that girl at first, honestly. But I could see the pain in your eyes. I knew you needed it." She looked down embarrassed that she seemed to look so weak and helpless and pathetic. An overwhelming sense of disappointment washed over her as she stared back into those kind eyes and saw a boy who was concerned for her. Izabella had never had a boy in her life who actually cared for whom she was, only for what she looked like and what she could offer. She knew the look she wore told him that she believed she was a monster and someone who was a disgrace. “You're not a monster alright? You are aama-zing,” Austin reassured Izabella and slowly that horrible look on her face slowly disappeared. She couldn’t help herself but stare at Austin who seemed to care about her so much even though he hardly knew her. Izabella still held his warm hand in hers and felt a sense of comfort descend over her.

Izabella used to love the he attention she always got from the men around her, every time she walked by their heads would turn towards her and gaze at her with awe and admiration. Slowly but surely she started to understand that all these men and boys that looked at her didn’t truly understand who she was and most likely didn’t want to be with her for what she is. All they wanted was to brag to their friends that they had a hot and sexy girlfriend; she was just an object of desire in their eyes. But sitting here with Austin she realized that some males out there were descent and nice and that someone out there would finally understand who she was. Izabella felt a sort ease fall over her as those thoughts kept swirling around in her head. Appreciation. Acceptance. Love of someone who loves you back.

Izabella looked up at Austin with panic as he got up, “please don’t leave.” But all he did was to move against the wall next to her. She then again snatched his hand back in to hers and began to study them. His fingers where long and slim, hands for playing the piano she thought to herself. They were warm and strong and his forearms were thick with muscle. Izabella traced the outline of his hand mesmerized by this beautiful creation. She had never held anyone’s hand apart from her mother’s and father’s. I like it, she decided, I like the feel of something strong and reassuring. Izabella just sat there gazing down at those hands and just comparing how large hey were to her own ones. All those early thoughts she had before had completely disappeared, the black dangerous, hateful and revenge seeking ones were buried deep within her completely gone from her mind. With him there she felt relaxed and completely herself and she smiled up at him, one full of happiness and gratefulness. She didn’t really think Austin realized how much this means to her and how difficult her life can be at times.

As time went by the sky darkened and the lights on the street flickered and filled the area with light. Austin slipped his arm over her shoulder and pulled her closer and Izabella felt warm against him. The night became silent but she didn’t mind it as she was comfortable and felt safe. As ten minute slid by Austin finally asked her, "Do you want me to bring you home? Or do you just want to stay here?" The question didn’t really register to her and she felt her body slowly closing down. Her mind felt groggy and everything was a tangled mess. Slowly her eyelids slipped down over her eyes and the last thing she saw was Austin peering down at her as she leaned against his shoulder and she fell into the deep black waters of sleep.

Izabella looked down at Austin as he opened his green eyes and she could see the slight indent on his face from sleeping on his desk and his brown hazel hair was everywhere. She felt kind of bad for taking over Austin’s bed when she hardly knew him and really she could hardly remember his name. "Have my parents been up here yet? They haven't have they?!" To Izabella he kind of sounded frantic and a bit worried that his parents might find a stranger in his room. She had a feeling that their relationship wasn’t that smash hot either. She didn’t really know what to say as a reply to that. Her face filled with sadness as she realized if his relationship with his parents wasn’t any good then Izabella would have to leave and return to her own house and she really wasn’t looking forward to that. She glanced over nervously at Austin who seemed to be study her and she gazed back. He looked kind of cute with that ragged bed head and a gentle look on his face she thought to herself. Izabella would really like to get to know this boy who sat in front of her.

Izabella just stared at him as he rambled on, she felt he always needed to explain his actions and why he did them. “Uhm, I can explain this.” Austin told her gesturing around the room they sat in,” You fell asleep on me yesterday and I had no idea where you lived, so... I brought you to my house. I hope that's alright. I'll walk you home as soon as you want; I know you're probably sick of me now." Izabella thought he was cute with all the rambling and explaining himself. She allowed herself to smile kindly at him and she her body seemed to relax a bit, knowing she wasn’t in immediate danger. He got off the swivel chair at sat cautiously on the edge of his bed, his green eyes wide and awake staring at Izabella’s face. She looked away with embarrassment. Izabella knew she was beautiful and she never usually felt self-conscious around guys, she was always confident and flirty. But not today, she was shy and nervous, nothing like her usually self which kind of scared her.

Izabella never really knew what it was like to have a friend as her father thought it was bad for a girl like her to mingle with people her own age. She always envied the children that got to run around on the streets and roll in mud, the most physical activity she got was her career training and then again that was nothing to be proud of. She felt that her father and mother were the main problem to why she was so bad at conversations and general talk. When she was younger she used to talk to herself as she had no friends and use to set up little tea parties in her room pretending all people surrounded her wanting her attention. She didn’t no what it was like to have a normal conversation with a person. Maybe this could be the beginning of a friendship she always wanted or maybe it would all fall to pieces before her eyes. She felt a scary attraction to the boy who sat down in front of her. A boy with green eyes, almost the same color as hers and a face that was gorgeous and kind. Maybe just maybe there might be something more than friendship there not that it really mattered, she would just be happy to have a friend.

She opened her mouth wondering what to say not to offend him. She didn’t want to stay in his house but did want to leave and not have his company; she wanted to get to know him. “Hey do you think we could go for a walk?” Izabella’s voice was quiet but she was sure it would carry across the room to where he sat perched on the bed. She flt her heart fill with hope, knowing that this was the opportunity to create something she has always wanted, she continued feeling she needed more to convince him, “please, I really would like to go out and I don’t know, talk?” She gave him wide eyes hoping it would convince him and she gave him a big smile showing her white teeth.

felt her heart jump with happiness and excitement as he gave a slight nod of his head and grabbed Izabella’s hand. It felt warm and comforting and just the same as it had last night. She gave a squeeze of her own and she felt a slight smile play on her lips. She was happy about the contact and the fact that he didn’t mind it as well. “Yeah. Let’s go.” Austin looked a bit jumping as he said those words, like he was worried something might happen if they walked out of the door. He avoid Izabella’s gaze the whole way down the stairs and she tried to think of what she could possibly have done. This time when they reached the bottom of the stairs he turned and faced her his green eyes full of worry and said in a low whisper, "Just a warning... My parents don't-" He was cut from a big loud angry roar that filled the whole hallway and Izabella could see Austin stiffen as thundering footsteps approached them.

Izabella’s hand was suddenly ripped out of Austin’s as I big hand clamped around his upper arm and jerked him away from her. She could see the panic in Austin’s eyes and Izabella missed the warmth of his hand as Austin’s father slammed Austin up against the wall and screamed, "Who is this girl, Austin? Why the fuck is there a girl in my house?!" She could see Austin flinch as spit flied onto his face, "Who is she? Is she your girlfriend? Who the fuck said you could bring anyone here?! I want her out. Now!” She knew it was silly but she felt her heart race at the word of girlfriend and she silently scolded herself for such nonsense. Izabella stood awkwardly to the side as the father thrusts a stubby finger in her direction and she could see Austin have a look of outrage and anger fill his features. "She's just a friend, and she needed my help alright? Let go of me you asshole." Austin yelled into his father’s face. She never thought sweet, gorgeous Austin was capable of shouting and swearing like that. Not the calming boy who helped her pull herself together. She didn’t mind it though as she was glad that he was able to protect himself. All of a sudden she saw piercing eyes glaring at her as Austin’s mother came rushing in. Austin’s mother came racing forward took her by the shoulders and shoved her out into the warmth of the sunshine, slamming the door in her face.

Izabella’s heart filled with sorrow as she realized what he had to put up with most of his life. Parents who were always disappointed in him and hated him for no reason. His parents were much like hers she realized. Izabella could hear everything that was happening behind the wooden door and heard the farther shout, "I'll show you, you misshapen little-” and suddenly all she could hear was s yell of pain and then nothing for a while. She felt herself fill with worry; worry for what might have happened to Austin, all she could feel was that worry, it was eating her. Then she heard Austin’s father say, "He had it coming". That was when the front door opened and Austin was shoved out of the house and he tumbled to the floor and layed still on the grass. She approached him, her steps filled with uncertainty. She didn’t know if Austin would ever want to see her because she was the reason he was on his back in front of his house, a home he no longer could live in.

Bu Izabella crouched down next to him and looked down at his face. She gasped in shook to see a dark purple ring circling around one eye and it looked sore and swollen. She swallowed with difficulty and traced the outline of his bruise. She could feel him flinch from the touch but didn’t pull away. Izabella felt her racing heart settle as she knew he didn’t blame her for what happened. She could also see the tears that rolled down his cheek, that feel from his good eye and felt anger swirl around in her body. Who would do such a thing to their own children, even her father wouldn’t stoop that low. Izabella could feel Austin’s eyes on her and she smiled down at him as he told her, "I'm pathetic." His voice slowly faded and he smiled back up at her. For the first time since the bedroom, she spoke, “what are you going to do? You have nowhere to live and it’s my entire fault. I’m so sorry Austin I’m so sorry for everything.” She looked back down at him and she felt her eyes start to tear up with worry that he would agree with her and never want to see her and sadness because she knew it was true because it was her fault, right?