Going crazy

The snow crashes happily under my feet as me and Matt walk somewhat steadily, surprisingly, to the Clubhouse. The blonde haired girl to the right of me, the rest of the girls to the left of Matt. It is clear that he hasn't taken his pick yet, or maybe he just fancies having all of them. I've took mine, though. This girl is clinging to my side, hand at my waist whilst Matt's arm is around my shoulder, trying to grasp balance.
The Clubhouse doesn't stand up to my expectations but my drunkenly state admires it as our next stop. Matt looks a little dazed from where I'm standing. "What now?" He asks. Hell, even I don't know. I'm just going to enjoy it. I shrug at him with a cheeky smile, "Have fun, I guess."

My belt is pulled and I go forward with it, the girl brings me into her standing state but I turn with her and land on my back on the couch, which is proving to be a comfy substitute for whatever furniture could be used for laying down on. A buzz flows through me as she lays on top of me, taking what she can from my face and neck. I catch a glance at Matt, and behind him seems to be a popular place for one of the girls. She taps him on the back but the rest I don't see, because I'm too busy being used for all I've got. I don't know what she expects me to do in front of everybody, but I think my inhibitions have good intentions when they stop her from undoing the button on my trousers. It doesn't stop her from wanting to take off my top though. She goes for it and I let her. She can have that much. As I take it off, I feel the air slip onto my scars as though I was ashamed of them. I'm not. She takes my top and throws it backward carelessly. "Wow what's that?" She asks with a striking contrast to her earlier attitude. She isn't disgusted, she's impressed. It is strange how differently people react to it.

It's my huge scar that runs through my old tattoo on my back - which is now just a waste of money. "War paint, you like it?" I ask her back.

-----

The brown haired girl taps Matthew from behind."Hey, you gonna give me some of that then?" She asks, looking very demanding. Her skirt is higher than it was earlier, and she's taken off a jacket that she had on earlier, now just in a white top. Her hair is beautifully arranged, as though it was thought on for hours. Perfection isn't hard to come by when you've got money, clearly she has. It flows to a curl with its brownness being a dark one rather than light. She looks at him with her brown eyes, eager for an answer, desperate for a yes.

I see her and I wonder quickly whether she knows Matt at all. If I know him well enough I'd guess he would decline - still having Kyanite on his mind. But the drink, I can't comprehend so easily. It puzzles me until I can't actually see it, the girl returning to me.

The scene is full of action but it is quickly defused by unwillingness to go any further without privacy. "I do. pretty darn sexy. Girls dig guys with scars, don't you know that. And that tattoo looks awesome. What does it mean?" I've never actually told people what it meant except for those in my family. "It used to be a bird carrying the districts in its claws." I don't know why she asked, I didn't think it was a special thing. In fact, it just looks a bit deformed now with a huge scar left to right, top to bottom. Her hands are slipping down my back and I can feel her pull at my underwear but I turn to stop her yet she meets me with her lips again.

She's relentless when it comes to this, she is barely giving me a choice. "I like everything about you." She tells me. I'm flattered but I wonder what part of her is saying that. "What about you?" Her button is undone now, and I feel myself losing the control I had of the situation. She is great, I give her that. I just don't want this night to end in sex and alcohol. I'd rather go home on two feet and see that Matt gets home safely too. We can't exactly stay here, with curfews and such. "Like what you see?" She asks me before venturing to my lips yet again.

I take my head away. "I think I'm gonna get another drink." I'm just not drunk enough to do this yet. I catch a glance at Matt who has two girls talking to him at the same time, and here's me not wanting the one I've got. I don't know why, though, I just don't like the idea of getting all loved up with others around. Plus, she probably won't keep in touch - I don't even know her name. I stand pouring myself a drink, except it is water. I need to sober up a little if I want to get home safe.

This is why I'm sometimes the killjoy. I'm too safe now, I don't like risking my life anymore. I've lost my carelessness and adopted my own responsibility with my life. Maybe its the fact I am eighteen soon.

Shit, I didn't even tell Matt. Is he too drunk to remember if I tell him now? It's not even the right scene for it anyway.

"Hey Matt, this is random but it's mine and Al's eighteenth in a couple of days and my parents always have this... party to celebrate it. They hire the hall down the road and it's all formal and everything. Just wondering if you wanted to go, maybe invite your family. There'll be loads of people there."

Okay, that wasn't so hard. I think I told him everything I needed to just there. The girl is impatiently waiting on the couch but I shrug the thought of going back to her and take my top back from the floor and put it back on after taking a large gulp of the water.

"What do you need another drink for if you've got me?" I laugh a little. "Good question." I briefly comment. I'm not adapting on it because I don't really know a good way to put 'I'm just not in the mood'. It's not that she isn't beautiful and the rest of it. It's just that I don't want to get busy with the rest around. Clearly she does. Maybe it's just all fun and games though, and she isn't going to push me too far. I don't want to risk it. "Sure." He confirms. Good, I'll need some people I actually know at the party besides my family. It's open house, so anybody can walk on in. I don't like that because at every corner I'd half expect Mark to appear out of nowhere, wherever he got off to.

"Have you ever seen something like this? It's freaking crazy." It is actually. I manage one, he manages about three. Maybe four, I can barely count right now. "Only when I'm sleeping." I laugh. "We're going in the hot tub." Uh oh. Not something I like the sound of. Sure, we may all be comfortable with ourselves, but it's getting a bit outrageous now. "And you're coming with us." But... They're being so bloody seductive. "C'mon, man!" He calls out to me as I'm deciding whether it's a good idea or not. No harm, right?

My top is back on the floor and now I'm also in my boxers and getting in the tub. Hot. HOT. It stings for a moment but it's only because I was only a moment ago in the freezing snow. It's not the only reason its hot though, the girls, of course are loving the company as are we. Nobody seemed to help me into the tub. Probably because I'm not in such a state anymore. It's strange not being the injured one, not the broken one. IT's weird seeing one of my friends like that though.

Ty, just have some fun will you? Stop being such a prick.

The inner voice tells me as I set some fun conversation going. "You're the most girls Dunham's ever seen in his life."

"Finally got that big fat knot out of your knickers?" Big, fat, knob? I heard knob. "What?!" Oh wait, no. No. Knot, he said knot. "Oh, no wait. I hear you." I say casually. It gets some laughs from the girls. "I'm Mary...and you are Tyren, I know." Genius, this one. Suddenly I can feel the cheeky side of me coming out. It must be the heat, the cold. Actually, it could be the fact all of the above are mixing with the drink. "I was rooting for you the whole time. Wish you had won against him. You deserved it. You were so good with that bow. How you shot him in the leg, then arm. I though you've already won this." She's... Making me think twice. I don't like it, but I can't help it. She's making me think about things that shouldn't be brought up whilst I'm a bit pissed. But she's doing it. "I don't wanna talk about that." I let her know, because I really don't. I've bottled up what I felt about the whole fight... thing. And it's past. I don't want it being made the present.

"I don't know how you can stand his company. He didn't fight fair. That was so brutal how he slashed into you...he should have lost. You are the winner." Shut up, shut up girl. He's my friend, she can't just manipulate me like this. I don't care whether she means to or not. She tries to place a kiss on my cheek and I turn away from it, letting go of her hand. Suddenly I feel a bit awkward next to her, opposite Matt as well. How did she make me feel like this? Where has this all came from? Fuck sake. I thought I was cool with all this. Clearly not. I blink heavily once, assessing how drunk I am. Not that much, but nowhere near sober. The water is helping, but the heat is making me more sleepy. It's such a strangeness to be next to this girl now. I don't know why I've suddenly grown angry at her. I wait a moment before actually replying to her. I sigh, "Just shut up about it all. You can't just poke holes like that." I say defensively. The other girls look at me as though I'm broken, wondering what she even said.

It's like they didn't notice the fact that we're completely fine in each other's company. I wouldn't be able to explain it though, not now or ever really. It just happened and I'm not going to think too much about it just because on drunk bitch said I should.

I pause my thoughts. I'm getting ahead of myself. I'm being irrational. I need to calm down. I sigh again. Suddenly my night feels crushed.