The past haunts us still (April and June)

The past haunts us still (April and June) Jun 8, 2014 4:06:52 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Jun 8, 2014 4:06:52 GMT -5

May was watching the area around them making sure that no one was going to try and stop this. What was going to be said had to be said and on top of that she and April needed to say something about all of it. She felt the need to say she wasn't like their father, she only had his looks but part of her knew that wasn't completely true. She had been her father's daughter and she wasn't sure who his betrayl hurt more, her or her sisters. All of the issues from the past started to wander back in her head as she waited for April to start saying things. She felt bad that she was making April do most of the talking but May had never been good at any of this. She was usually just there to listen and protect her sisters but this well this was something she couldn't protect them from because it had already happened. She wasn't sure if her world was crashing down around her or if she was rising from the ashes. None of the feelings or what was going on was making sense to her anymore but she didn't voice that opinion. She was with her sisters, she was going to be hole again.

May gave April a nod as she started to talk and tell them that they knew that they were adopted or at least that June was. May had known that from the get go, it wasn't because of the fact that her parents needed to tell her but mostly because she knew it herself. April seemed to be having a hard time saying things and all May could do was nod her head. "It was utter betrayl as well." She wasn't sure why she added that after April's words about what happened to them being evil. Betrayl in it of itself was evil in May's mind but life tended to be full of things like that especially when one had the games looming over their heads like the districts did. She continued to listen. There was no easy way to say the next part. As soon as the words were out a April's mouth May looked down. April grabbed her hand momsnet later and though she wanted to take it away because she felt she didn't deserve the tenderness for looking like him.

The word slaughter caused May to shake slightly. Only April would know it though because she was holding her hand. The tears began to well up in May's eyes but they never fell. Images of blood clouded her mind and she did everything to stay steady and tried to will herself not to see the blood. The words were out and the feelings and images racing through her head and filling it were going to overwhelm her. She had to stand strong she had to be the rock for her sisters. "I wasn't mimicking you April. I...I was silent cause that's how I always was. I was silent because I couldn't understand why. I still don't know why. I was hurting like you were but I was reeling because Father...it just didn't make sense. Father was so tender with me seemed so tender towards mom. I just..." May shook her head and spoke once again, "I'm sorry I wasn't there June, that i couldn't dry your tears. And that I couldn't be your rock April." May took her hand from April's finally and collapsed to the ground on her knees. "Forgive me for looking like him."

She looked up at June and April and then back down to the ground. This was not how she imagined things going. This was far from it. She had her sisters back but they couldn't be together. Not until they were old enough not until they could say I want to live with this person. June's tears and screams brought May back to reality. By then she was standing once again and she wanted to go and comfort June. It was June's words that made her heart shatter just a little more. She didn't want them to comfort her. May couldn't describe what it felt like to have shreds of one's heart rip apart even more. She wasn't even sure that was possible. Her soul wept for them all. By the time June said thank you May was lost in the silence around them. She didn't know what to say or do. She had curled up again on the ground and was trying to calm herself down. At least she wasn't going into a fit of rage. She was doing the opposite she was being the calm before the storm. This was dangerous but she couldn't stop herself. No matter how much she tried. Things were not going to go well when she got home.

The past haunts us still (April and June) Jun 8, 2014 17:36:54 GMT -5

Post by arya on Jun 8, 2014 17:36:54 GMT -5

“I forgive, both of you, I know there is nothing you could have done. And thank you for telling me” Before hearing those words, I would have thought they would comfort me. That they would save me somehow from all the guilt and all the pain I was feeling. I am completely devastated to say they did the opposite. They destroyed me, every piece of my shattered soul. I couldn’t find the words to even answer it. “I forgive, both of you, I know there is nothing you could have done. And thank you for telling me” The words kept echoing in my mind. It was so cold, so emotionless. The fraise sounded like something you would have said to a stranger if they happened to run into you. A stranger, and I suddenly realized that that was what I was to her. I remembered our beloved mother, the memories of my sisters, the ones I hold dearest. June didn’t, and I had to accept that. My fantasy was crushed, at it hurt more and more for every second. My illusion of our reunion as a beautiful meeting between dearly missed and loved sister was just that, an illusion. I couldn’t change it and I couldn’t make her understand.

They cried, they both cried. With swollen, red eyes and wet eyelids they looked so vulnerable. I caught myself repeating that word in my mind. Vulnerable, vulnerable. That’s how they would always stay in my mind, so scared and innocent. Maybe they had grown from that, maybe they were braver and not as broken as me. Somewhere in my mind, I knew that it was me who was vulnerable. I was the one who couldn’t face the truth.
This was meant to be my salvation, the moment where some higher power decided to have mercy upon my soul. It felt as if I was declined my right to happiness, not only now but through out my entire life. My pain had been constant, ever since that dark day.

My eyes seached the surroundings. A bird sitting on a weak branch was singing, so peacefully. At my times at the window, I used to watch the birds racing over the sky. They always seemed so free and careless, as if they didn't have a care in the world. Its beautiful brown feathered seemed to be glowing in the sunlight. The branch beneath it bend a bit by the force of the birds weight, but it seemed rather stable. The tree itself was old, as gorgeus as the bird itself. It fascinated me somehow, how long that tree has been standing there. How many souls that have walked passed it, how many young couples that have kissed beneath it, how many sisters had been sitting by it. I wondered if any sisters had been like us, since long separated and once reunited. That one day was today, and I needed to make the best of it.

My hands searched for theirs, slowly hugging them. "I'm sorry that this wasn't the ideal way to tell you. I know its silly but I've been planning it out for years. I wanted you to be older, to be grown and mature enough. I know now that not an entire life time would be enough to hear this news. But you are strong, I know you are. It floods in our veins. Our mother didn't die without a fight, and I know she would have done it a million times more to protect us all. You know, you were her little darling. We all loved you so much, you were such a cute little chubby baby." I was getting to sentimental. I wished I could stop the memories from invading my mind. I wanted them to stop, because it was to much to handle without breaking down. "I'm sorry, you don't have any obligation to speak to us ever again. You can never forget but you can ignore your past. It doesn't have to haunt you like it has with us, but if you need anything, answers, an explaination or simply some comforting, I will always be here for you. No matter what. Even if it is tomorrow or in 30 years, I'll always be your sister even if you don't want me to" The truth seemed hard somehow, but I wouldn't make it seem any prettier than it was. "That applies to you to May, I know you know that"