Just another day in paradise (Marr)

Absolute peace. There can be nothing more releiving then sleeping with someone's arms around me; protecting me from the dreams that still haunt me. I'm not sure why, after all this time, that they still are bothering me. Something inside just won't let me get over what happened. Though, I have found that one thing can chase away those dreams and nightmares. That resolution only happens to occur twice a week, and that's when Matthew is back from the academy. The rest of the week, Im up before the sun rises and asleep some time after dark.

For today, I feel so sound. Even though the outside noises are pulling me to wake, I just can't let myself come to terms with another day. I just want to sleep before he goes back again. A simple question seems to pull me out of my slumber just enough to listen to his voice.

"Are you awake?" I refuse to wake, so I just barely move a little which earns him enough of a sign that I'm being pulled out of this simple moment. "You are..."

Then the sound of the saw sounds much louder now that I'm not longer fully under the spell of the sandman. I feel Matthew suddenly getting up and I crack my eyes open to watch him walk over to the window and hear him yell out to his father to stop with the work. That it's too early but the comment that his father makes has me trying to hide my grin. We've slept past noon. Rarely, do I get this much sleep, but the timeframe of how long is baffling. Why have I slept more than normal? I conclude it's the lack of sleep from the weekdays.

A moment later I feel Matthew's weight pressing down on me, smothering me into the bed even more. I hold back any sign of being awake until he coaxes me to start laughing.

"I'm up, you dolt!" I tease him and bring my arms around his neck. "Why do you got to wake me up. I was sleeping so well. I hate you...." I tease even more and groan out a little as I push him over a little bit, so his weight will stop pushing on me. A small amount of pain makes me close my eyes for a moment, staying absolutely still until the subtle pain disappears. I breath in a heavy breath, then open my eyes to see Matthew's confused look. The feeling is gone, but in its wake, I sit up and draw the sheet up to cover my shoulders.

"I'll be back." I tell him and walk to the bathroom. Inside, I end up sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall. An uneasy feeling brings me to take a few intakes of breath. The subtle pain arising again, but settling a moment later. I draw up my legs to rest my forehead against my knees, hoping to get this sick feeling to go away.

Sitting with no movement is helping pass this unsettling feeling. Only a couple days ago, I had gotten the stomach virus after sparring with Vy for the first time and I assume it's just overuse of my muscles without a break and the drinks afterwards didn't help. Though, feeling the effects two days later tells me that drinking just might not be my thing or something. Not sure. So, take one more last heavy breath before I hear him stay something outside the door.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you." My first though was that he didn't. I don't know where he got that from. Sure, he tackled me, but that was welcoming. It was my hangover from the drinks that still lingers that is bothering me.

"You didn't hurt me." I state and watch him as he washes his hands. The way I'm sitting still has me feeling better. Being still doesn't seem to bother me at all. Matthew doesn't seem to be bothered at all seeing me sitting on the floor and I'm glad for that. That's the last thing I want him to know that I've not been able to hold my liquior, that or the stomach flu is the reason. I'm surprised that Vy hasn't said anything about catching it but maybe it was Brooklyn who passed it on to me with bad timing? She is in daycare afterall. Kids always carry the worst of sicknesses.

"I think I'll pass on breakfast." I state, then again, my appetitie since the who Jins occurence has effected my ability to consume as well. Still stresses me out a bit too much. There are so many things that just isn't right since that day. I can't pinpoint it.

"C'mon, time to get your tired bones into gear. We got a big day ahead of us. Are you okay?" Concern? Sure, as much as I'd like to tell him about the overuse of drinking, I pass it off.

"Just tired. Figured the bathroom was the only place I might get peace, but nowhere is safe from you." I tease him and only kiss him on the cheek, but keep my hand in his.

"You've got juice though, right? Definately could use something to drink. So, thirsty." I'm the first to pull him out of the bathroom but let go of his hand when I go to get some clothes to put on. "What is your dad doing out there? Don't he know that people like to sleep in on a saturday... or is still not used to 'us' and is trying to drive me away again?"

I'm glad that I brought a change of clothes with me, cause walking down in the same outfit as yesterday would really be bad. Then again, if I had to, I would just simply steal one of Matthew's tops until I got home. In fact, one of his shirts is still sitting in my room. The scent of it keeps me going while he's been back at the academy. Thinking about it makes me wonder where the last place I put it was, but I put it off.

After refusing to eat breakfast, Matthew has to comment on it saying I'm getting thinner. I hadn't really noticed, but I do glance down when he isn't looking. I shake my head though, because I don't see anything different. Maybe it's because of my laziness and I'm not all beefed up like I used to be. "Look at me, getting all nice and soft."

I laugh.

"I could change that for you." I cover my face with my hands and pull up my shorts, snapping the button and slipping my feet into my flats. We head downstairs for something to eat and while he looks in the fridge, I watching him with so much enthusiasm. I'm not sure what's gotten into him, but I like it more and more.

"So eggs... or bacon or both? I'm not taking no for an answer." He gets a bit touchy when he only wants me to thrive more. I just hope that the food doesn't make me feel worse, so I accept the offer for food with a thoughtful sound.

"Hmmm. Eggs. Just eggs. Gotta watch my girlish figure." I joke with him and take the juice in my hands. The thirst must have been more than I thought, and have half of the glass gone in a matter of seconds. I'm not worried about what he thinks of it, but I do place a hand to my mouth to catch the small drip that want to fall. I turn away and sit down on the chair for a moment.

"So, we should train today. My game is off. Bad. Me and Vy tried sparring the other day and It went horribly. I'm so out of practice. So, can we start off with something more... fun before the workout? Let's play moving targets again, shall we? Or rather... we can just gather up a few knives from the gym and head out to the back of the center. TAke it easy for a while. Wouldn't mind getting back to my roots. Should invite Gala soon and train with all three of us?" I swirl the juice around in my cup before taking another sip of it.

"Need some help with the eggs or the bacon?" I ask and get up walking over to the stove with Matthew.

A decision with a slight joke is given to Matthew, who want to know what I want to eat this morning. Itwas a nice gesture, but he declares that I'm in perfect shape to the joke and mentally, I have to say to him 'good answer', before allowing myself to watch him crack one of the eggs into the pan and it begins to cook the moment it touches the hot oil. The sound of it is relaxing and just being here with Matthew in the first place is more than that. I only nod my head when he asks if I was thirsty and shrug my shoulders.

With him wanting to train, I already have a set idea of what to do, but he doesn't like it in the least. AT least, that's what I take it as when he asks if I'm joking. In all honesty, I wasn't joking in the least, but when it becomes apparent that he says he's putting off weapons, I have to abide by what's going on for him to say that. Remorse already sets in because I was only trying to stay away from sparring considering what happened the other day with Vy. His idea of a workout would be do to some fun sparring instead. It could work out that way. With Matthew, it might not be the same as with Vy.

"Or we could just go back to bed adn do our exercise there." He jokes, but by the tone in his voice, it's not that much of a joke in the long run. I grin.

"Yeah. I bet you'd love that kind of exercise. Wouldn't you?" I tease. He turns to me, letting his lips touch my own for a quick moment before he returns to the pan. As he does, I start to think about what happened when I sparred with Vy. How the image of Jins replaced Vy for that moment and I ended up kicking her knee in retaliation and fear. It still bothers me how I let something like that happen and wonder if Matthew would be able to calm my fears about sparring with him today. A heavy breath has me leaning against him, my arms going around his waist as he flips the eggs over to cook on the opposite side.

"I saw him the other day... when I was with Vy. Not... in person." I start. I know it sounds weird how I"m starting out but I'm trying my hardest to open up to Matthew right now. That's how it began in the first place and today is new. Even if it's a simple spar between us, I don't want him to be surprised at all if it happen again.

"... I'm not sure why, but when Vy and I were sparring, right before I hit the mat, I saw him in front of me. His appearance blocked Vy out and I acted out out against her. Kicked her pretty hard. I didn't mean to, but it happened. Then he was just gone like that." I recollect what happened after that but it has no significance now. "Vy's fine, though."

I let my forehead rest against his back, listening to the sizzling of the eggs in the pan. Talking about what scares me makes me uneasy because it makes me feel weak; insignificant. I don't want Matthew to judge me for what I had done, but I can't shake what I did to Vy. It's heavy on my mind.

Learning my lesson about opening up to someone who only wants to help has taken its toll. Matthew's done so much more than I have and has expressed almost everything to me. It's odd that I'm the one that was still holding back after so long. Guess family issues, such as keeping things to yourself, is still playing a big role in our relationship, but one by one, I'm going to break that habit. I have to. It isn't fair to Matthew to be left wondering what's going on in my life now that we're becoming more than just a new relationship. He deserves the same respect. The same responces and a step further into my thoughts and feelings. It's strange to think that someone might actually want to know more about me, even if it turns out bad.

Step number one happens to be telling him about the image of Jins' showing up while in the middle of the spar. My father would have ended up staring at me like I was stupid but Matthew don't. Quite the opposite as he pushes the pan to the side, still sizzling with food inside, as he listens so intently. I'm not used to having someones full attention like this. Though, his responces are so much different that I would have gotten as well.

"Don't let him do this to you... when he isn't even around. He's not worth one thought." He tells me. His voice sounds so sincere. It's getting easier to hear the comforting words that only my boyfriend can give me. I beleive him. Trust him. I understand where he's coming from but it just isn't that easy, so I explain just a little.

"I wasn't even thinking of him though... it just happened." I feel ashamed. Even as I try to explain that Vy's fine and that the retaliation I had done to protect myself hadn't done much damage at all, he expresses his full need for me to be okay instead of the one I hurt. That's unsettling.

"Of course I'm okay. I wasn't the one hurt." But, I know what he was meaning. I just refuse to make a fuss over myself. His next words puts me to shame for even saying that I wasn't the one hurt. Hearing him say it has me wanting to run from the truth. How it had been too long for him to be laying his hands on me. Then the confession that he's went and put in his statement about something I didn't mention. Now, the case is going to get more attention, I'm sure. I give Matthew a slight nod with a hint of a forced smile.

His arms wrap around me when I lean my forehead against him and I don't know how, but encircled within his embrace is the most comforting and safe that I've felt since waking up this morning with him.

"I hope so." I take the seat and look at the breakfast that Matthew had prepared and before I can even grab the fork, he takes my hand in his. Slowly but surely, I'm feeling more confident about this situation just because of what he says next.

"I'll always protect you."

"I know." Is all I can say, but I reward him with an honest smile and a gaze of trust. He's never been this keen on saying those words in front of me. Yeah, he's went behind my back to protect me; to off Jins that one time. But this time, it feels more like a promise. Safety from that maniac is what I need and I know he will have the means to do so. "Thank you."

I take up the fork and start in on the eggs that he had prepared for me. Not but a few bites in, does that feeling return. I slow down and start to look around, passing off the moments as just being curious about his house. "What all has your dad done in here?" I ask him curiously. "You should show me some of the stuff that he's made. I'd like to see."

Two more bites, and my stomach has had it. I sit the fork down and bring the paper towel to my mouth a moment and act as though I've just engaged into a huge smorgasbord. "Amazing, Matthew." I give him a gracious compliment because they were really good, but to back up the amount not eaten, I just simply reinforce what I mentioned earlier. "... next time, remind me not to drink with Vy. Hangovers with her last two days in a roll." I tease and wait on him as the table saw starts up again, though the sound of it seems closer than upstairs in his room.

"So, checking out your dad's creations? Work out. Sparring? Anything else you want to do today? I'm up for anything today." I pick up my plate and discard the remaining food and start the dishwater to clean the things we just used.

That feeling that overtook my stomach, also overtook any ideas of giving the food away in the process. I just know that the taste of the food, and the smell in general, was causing something to feel all wrong. Stomach virus maybe? Or the drinks were really just that bad. I keep thinking to myself because that's the only thing I can pinpoint when the feelings started. Hanging around Brooklyn after daycare and then drinking heavily while hanging out with Vy. Most of that night I barely remember, so there's no telling if there was some other factor in the reasoning for me feeling like this.

Matthew tells me about some of the things that his father has created while I'm still looking around. Though, I can't wait much longer and when the food is discarded, Matthew comments on the wasted contents. I give this desperate look, half because I didn't mean to not offer it to him, but I just felt it was better to have the idea of food out of my sight. Loading up the dishwasher, he follows me and does the same, putting his plate in the machine. His eyes though, start to scan me as though something was wrong with me. A little self conscious about it, I look away from him.

"We don't have to work out if you're not feeling good." He tells me and I feel bad that he's already considering something else just because of me. I think if I just got to moving around, I would feel better. I give Matthew a nod, because I know that he wouldn't want me to over do it if I was ill, but has that ever stopped me before? Broken limbs or anything else? I still try to get moving. This is different a bit but it's easily taken care of in the form of mentioning the forest and feilds. A day out with Matthew is exactly what I need. Not seeing him for five days in a roll is torture, but well worth it at the end of the week.

Outside, he goes to the shed, and just the thought of the shed makes me remember that weekend before everything happened of me and him together. That was a crazy night and I'm glad that his father never said anything to us about it. I just hide this huge grin on my face.

"Yes. Of course I can ride." I take the bike that is given to me and Matthew lets his father know where we're going before we take off. The ride is wonderful. The breeze in my face makes the morning... errr, afternoon even more appetizing. Craving this outside air and sunlight is so key right now. We pass by a lot of people that is taking advantage of the day as well until we hit the gym and notice that the activity level has risen, dramatically. Enough so, that Matthew, suggests just going to the forest behind the center. I give him a solid nod.

"Tyren's cousin? What is his name? I've met very few of his family. Just three.. No? Four. The three you know, Max, Tyren - himself, and Alex. I met Alba at the hospital that day. She seems really sweet. What's the guy like that you met?" I ask him and take the lead down to the forest behind the center. Not far down the hill and to the wooded area, I get off the bike and lean it up against a tree. "So, what kind of training are we going to do here? Yoga... Pilates? Hide and seek?" I tease him, but a moment later I sit on the ground and lean my back against the tree, taking a huge - deep breath. Relaxation that I need so bad.

"What's the plan?"

"Out of shape?" He questions me, but I simply shake my head 'no' because I don't feel as though I'm totally out of shape, but getting out feels good right about now. Matthew on the other hand, doesn't look as good. His heavy breaths shows me just how close I came to losing him that one day because he's still not fully recovered. He's still showing signs of his injury and I finally close my eyes, but suggest a few different activities that we could do. My boyfriend's responces to those suggestions has me sighing heavily with a bit of humor attached to it.

"Is that all you ever think about?" I have to follow his joke with my own, but purse my lips together and blow him a kissing motion quickly. "Umm, Pilates is like yoga but deals with other parts of strength and stuff. Little harder than Yoga, in my opinion."

I take the water he offers and he tells me that we should do some various little exercises so that we can get to the main stuff since the bike ride was more like cardio. It's time for strength training and stuff now. But I watch for a few minutes before joining him with the same exercises.

"I do, too. It's really nice out today. Warm." I want to go camping again, but with him going back to the academy, I'm not really sure if I'd be able to. Perhaps in the coming weeks, I'll see about asking him for a solo trip, just him and myself. That would make for an interesting thing. Not so far from home or anything. MAybe even down at the lake not far from here or into the woods for some added fun. Find the cabin again?

Watching Matthew do the pullups on the tree branch is interesting. I can't tear my eyes away from his body, because I know how strong he is. How his arms feel around me. That's part of the reason is because he's always kept himself into tip top shape, but as of late, he's not been able to. That's never effected me though. I've never looked at him differently.

"The program's almost done. I'm not sure whether I acn make it through. I'm missing the points of two weeks and unless I"ll be able to make up for it I'll have to repeat the whole damn course." He sounds a bit upset about that, but surely, the PKA won't hold it against him that he got hurt while on duty. They shouldn't penalize him for that reason alone. If I had my way, he's get through because of what he had to do, all of them, to save Gala and myself. If it wasn't for them.....

"Guess I'm lucky that they were impressed with our catch. Otherwise I would have gotten to boot already."

"I'm glad they didn't. I mean, you showed true guts out there. You and the others are perfect for what you're training for. They will be ashamed of themselves to let go some of the hard work that you did for them. What skills you all have brought to the table." I lay down on the grass, bending my knees up and doing some sit ups. A few sets in, I rest on the ground, my vision going up to the sky. The clouds are extra fluffy today. A little bit of a dark hue to them, but otherwise a good spring day.

"We should look for our cabin one day. You think? Since it's not all cold... snowing... not life threatening. I wonder whatever happened to that man that you scared to death? Wonder if he ever came back?"