Shipping containers [Train thread : blitz : Wander]

RIP Cystine Crystal
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last seen Jun 28, 2014 3:13:41 GMT -5

Shipping containers [Train thread : blitz : Wander] Jun 9, 2014 23:26:50 GMT -5

Post by RIP Cystine Crystal on Jun 9, 2014 23:26:50 GMT -5

I was lookin' up at her this time, watchin' as Sonja stood all of a sudden and crossed the space between us. I like to think I have good reflexes. I've been in fights, of course. I might call them my little family, but really - it's a street gang, I'm in. I've had to defend myself. Still, when Sonja moves quickly towards me, I'm too surprised to do anythin' but watch her. What's she think she's doin'?

When she leans down in front of me and takes my face in her hands, I almost think she's gonna kiss me. It wouldn't be the first time that happened - hopefully, it wouldn't be the last, either.

...but no, she's talkin' again.

“Do you hear them to? Do they whisper into you ear?”

My eyes widen a bit as I glance away from the intensity in hers, tryin' to grasp what she's talkin' about. Who's whisperin' in her ear? Is it some family member they're leavin' behind? Is she an addict, like Feather?

I lean in closer, lookin' into her eyes, examining one and then the other, before I answer. "Who?"

It don't matter what the answer is, really. I couldn't be sure, exactly - not yet, but I think it's possible that she's different. Not like me, though. Hers's gotta be somethin' different. Crazy, though? That's what people in the district'd call her, but I won't. No, because I've always wondered if, maybe, the reason I can't feel nothin' is 'cause maybe I've lost my mind. I would shoot anyone who called me crazy; I won't call her by that word.

Still... why is that the word that jumped into my head at her question?

W O R D C O U N T ◘ 0 2 7 1

It's too bad this place is so cliquey, really. It might've been fun, otherwise.

k!ah
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Shipping containers [Train thread : blitz : Wander] Jun 10, 2014 0:36:13 GMT -5

Post by k!ah on Jun 10, 2014 0:36:13 GMT -5

[presto]

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S O N J A A R C O P E L L O

{ the voices inside my head ;

Cystine doesn't move away from your touch, but his whole body does tense. Usually you would pull away instantly, embarrassed by your actions, but right no you needed to know, you needed to know that It wasn't just you, that everyone in this world was being controlled by the voices. Little lamb you’re losing your touch. I told you before, I told you that these voices, that me, I am part of you, I am you. The voice is as loud as ever in your head, bouncing off the walls of your soul. It is all you little lamb. all. you. No. It couldn't be just you. No. The voice was lying. Everyone was lying to you. Why? Why were the lying.

Your hand tightens on his face as he looks into your eyes, almost as though he is trying to look into your vey soul. “who?” He asks and your eyes widen in disbelief. A frown flips onto your brow and you could feel the tears form in your eyes making them look glassy and distant. What was going on? Your chest felt heavy, making it hard to breathe, you let go of Cystine’s face and fall to the ground in fort of him, your legs folded beneath you, your eyes glued to the ground. You couldn't understand, you couldn't understand what was going on. Before, everything had seemed so civil and controlled but now you felt like a fire had been lit within you, a fire that you couldn’t scuff out.

Hastily you try to pull yourself together. Meds. You needed your medication. Breathing hard you try to stop your racing heart and pounding head. “What… What do you mean who? You don't know. I am I the only one… No. It cant be. No.” The words just keep spilling out, they wont stop. you had to stop them. You sounded like a crazy ass bitch. You had to stop. Now.

Suddenly you are on your feet again, your face wiped of any emotion. “Sorry about that.” You say quietly ducking your head and wandering back over to your chair where you collapse into it, and close your eyes, hugging your legs tightly.

[presto]

[/presto]

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RIP Cystine Crystal
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Shipping containers [Train thread : blitz : Wander] Jun 10, 2014 19:07:15 GMT -5

Post by RIP Cystine Crystal on Jun 10, 2014 19:07:15 GMT -5

"What… What do you mean who? You don't know. I am I the only one… No. It cant be. No."

I'm just starin' at her now, no idea what to say. That has to be a first. I flinch as she stands, movin' real quick back to her chair, and just stare as she closes her eyes and folds into herself.

I don't even know her. I don't - shouldn't - care about her feelin's. That's her business - her problem.

Only... I feel, somehow, raw and stripped bare after my goodbyes. I just look at her for a while. Then - I don't even know why I do it - I stand and cross the room, placin' a hand on her shoulder as gently as I can manage. I seen Myrick do this to Keshak when she's upset about somethin' or other. I don't hug Sonja, though. I don't know her and I can't help but feel like I don't want someone who's 'bout to be tryin' to kill me.

"I can't feel nothin'," I say. Again, I have no idea why I say it. Why am I tellin' her this? Because, if I'm goin' to die (if I die, they win), I want to be able to share my biggest secret. So I say it, again. "I don't feel anythin' at all; never have."

Maybe she'll see that we're alike, the two of us here in this train. Maybe she'll call me a monster and run away. It don't really matter whatever she does. We're goin' to the Games. Nothin' can hurt me now, I think, not compared with the chance I'll be dyin' soon.

W O R D C O U N T ◘ 0 2 5 2

It's too bad this place is so cliquey, really. It might've been fun, otherwise.

k!ah
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4,628 POSTS
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last seen May 29, 2024 1:27:17 GMT -5

#expensivetrash

Shipping containers [Train thread : blitz : Wander] Jun 10, 2014 21:14:22 GMT -5

Post by k!ah on Jun 10, 2014 21:14:22 GMT -5

[presto]

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S O N J A A R C O P E L L O

{ the voices inside my head ;

What had you been thinking? Had you really thought he would tell you? tell you about he voices inside his head. You knew they were there. They were in everyones head, they had to be. But no one said anything because they were scared, scared of being called crazy, scared by what other people ay think of them. You knew that you were scared. You didn't want anyone to think you were crazy. But I guess that was hard, considering your home had been the hospital, the live in ward. A sigh escapes your lips and your fingers dig into the skin of your legs searching for more stability. It is not surprising that you find none.

Without warning you feel the weight of anthers hand on your shoulders. The touch was gentle, not meaning harm but trying to relay a sense of comfort. "I can't feel nothin’,’ he pauses and the words take a moment to sink in. Cant feel what? Does he feel absolutely dead pan to everything that had just fallen from your lips? Does he not even have the slightest thought about what you just said or had everything you just said slide through one ear and out the next? "I don't feel anythin' at all; never have." For some reason your blood runs cold and you turn to face the boy so that you could look him dead in the eyes. How could a person not feel anything? Didn't that take away there sense of humanity?

‘wh- what do you mean you feel nothing? I don't understand.” You shake your head has the words tumble out , your eyes wide ad confused.

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Last Edit: Jun 10, 2014 21:16:07 GMT -5 by k!ah

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RIP Cystine Crystal
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Shipping containers [Train thread : blitz : Wander] Jun 10, 2014 21:43:45 GMT -5

Post by RIP Cystine Crystal on Jun 10, 2014 21:43:45 GMT -5

Her eyes widen at my words. She's afraid of me now - I know it. I let me hand fall to my side, my chest slippin' into my stomach. There really is somethin' wrong with me.

"Wh- what do you mean you feel nothing? I don't understand."

I look at her, her eyes - the way her head moves from side to side - and I wonder if I should explain it. She'll just think I'm a monster; she'll just think I'm crazy. I wonder why I even care. See, I don't care about her. There are no emotions toward her, at all, except maybe the idea that Sonja might be, even a little bit, like me.

I let my eyes roam the room, not wantin' to see the disapproval on her face. "I just never felt anythin', is all," I tell her. My mouth opens, silent for a moment, searchin' for the words to describe it. "I mean, I feel hungry and tired and thirsty. I feel fear when my life's in danger. I just... "

I just what? I don't feel anythin' else? I felt raw after that goodbye. I realized I felt like I belonged with Myrick and our crew - my little family. I felt anger for my father, for my brothers, and for all those people out there who could have volunteered to take my place but didn't.

"I just don't know how to care about anyone who ain't keepin' me alive, somehow. ...I guess." And even then, sometimes... I don't know how to care about 'em, I think, rememberin' how I couldn't bring myself to respond to Feather's tears that day, didn't know what to do or how to react, feelin' like I just wanted her to go away so I didn't have to see it.

Now, though, I feel like I've forgotten what it feels like not to feel. Anxiety has taken over my body, carved out my brain, and left my innards for the flies, rotting in the sun. I don't know what I mean, anymore, so how can I possibly explain it?

W O R D C O U N T ◘ 0 3 3 5

Last Edit: Jun 10, 2014 21:47:18 GMT -5 by RIP Cystine Crystal

It's too bad this place is so cliquey, really. It might've been fun, otherwise.

k!ah
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4,628 POSTS
Pronouns: She/Her
last seen May 29, 2024 1:27:17 GMT -5

#expensivetrash

Shipping containers [Train thread : blitz : Wander] Jun 11, 2014 0:44:47 GMT -5

Post by k!ah on Jun 11, 2014 0:44:47 GMT -5

[presto]

[/presto]

S O N J A A R C O P E L L O

{ the voices inside my head ;

As soon as the words slip from your lips you see his face fall and something within it makes you feel like you had said something wrong which hurts, because you never intended to hurt him. You liked helping people, helping people who wanted help made you happy. There was not much for you to be happy over lately though and I guess that was another reason why you felt so confused and lost trapped in the silver bullet. You didn't want to be trapped, you wanted to be free, free like the birds who flew around your home. If only you had wings, then you would be able to fly away, fly so high and never come back. Remember that time I said I could give you wings. You had been so close to flying, sweetheart. But you had stopped. If only you had taken that last step then you would have flown, your whole body suspended in air. Don't you remember? You had your chance. You could have been free.

“I just never felt anythin', is all… I mean, I feel hungry and tired and thirsty. I feel fear when my life's in danger. I just... " You didn't have to be a rocket scientist to tell that Cystine was struggling to find the right words. You could see it in the way his mouth twitched in the corner, in the way his eyes seemed clouded, searching for a way to explain how he felt. Not like he had to, you were not going to know him for long, hell the next time you see him he might be trying to slice your throat open. You cringe away from the thought and try and concentrate on the way Cystine's mouth worked, desperate to find the right words. "I just don't know how to care about anyone who ain't keepin' me alive, somehow. ...I guess.”

The words were like a riddle in your mind. You had never been good at riddle and just like this one it sat unsolved on the tip of your tongue. You still didn't understand how he could feel nothing of people, no love, no hate, nothing. He only felt something for the people who were immediately affecting him in ways that could endanger his life. In your life time you had meet many people, but never once had you meet someone as peculiar as the guy in front of you know. A frown slips onto your forehead, and you tilt your head to the side slightly and watch as he looks anywhere but at you. He must think you thought him to be some sort of machine, or monster… but you didn’t, you couldnt. You had meet people, lived with people, who had wanted to slice your that open whilst you slept. You have lived with people who screamed utter nonsense out during the night, they screamed and screamed. To you he almost seemed normal, whatever normal was.

“I dont understand, but I am not going to push you for answers, its not in my position to do that… not considering the place we are heading too.” Despite everything you manage a smile in his direction, one that wasn't just a mask but a genuine one. You wanted to be able to help him, after all he seemed somewhat like you, like there was someone whispering in his ear telling him how to feel.

[presto]

[/presto]

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RIP Cystine Crystal
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Shipping containers [Train thread : blitz : Wander] Jun 11, 2014 13:53:19 GMT -5

Post by RIP Cystine Crystal on Jun 11, 2014 13:53:19 GMT -5

My muscles tighten as I wait for Sonja to say somethin' to that. Monster. Crazy. I wait to hear all of the things I've always known people would call me, if they knew. All of these things I never told anyone - not even my sister or my little family. No one.

"I don't understand, but I am not going to push you for answers, it's not in my position to do that… not considering the place we are heading to."

I'm lookin' at her when Sonja smiles at me, soft and warm, and I can't help feelin' surprised. My eyebrows pull together and I tilt my head to the side, thinkin' it all through. She ain't scared o' me? That's not what I expected, at all.

Surprised as I am, I try to mimic her smile. I don't feel whatever emotion inspired it on her end, I can't, but I can reassure her - like everyone else - by respondin' the way she does. I don't know what else to do; can't think of anythin' to say. So I just... smile back as best I can.

I'm exhausted - like it just hits me all of a sudden. I feel like I was out on the streets all night with Myrick. I wasn't. We usually take the night before Reapin's off and we did, but I still feel like I spent the night runnin' from Peacekeepers.

I feel the weakness creepin' up my back and down my legs, my back aches, and my muscles all become weak and soft. Behind me is a couch, I find it with the back of my leg, and lean back, lettin' the soft cushions swallow me when I collapse onto it.

The silence in the room, the noise outside the train as we speed away from the world we know, I like it. I wish I could sleep and forget the nerves for a while. I wish I never had to wake up at the end o' this ride.

My eyes blur, lookin' out the window across from me. I always wanted to know what was outside of District Six - always been curious about that. Sure, it was my home, but I was curious. We get to see so little of the other Districts on them broadcasts.

"I always wondered what it was like outside District Six," I say, not sure if she's listenin' or if she cares. "Ya know?"

I don't know what happened to my appetite, my anger, or my nerves. I'm so tired now, I wish I could just sleep, but I just sit starin' out the window as a fence leaps into sight.

{OOC: Sorry for this one... I lost the original during my train ride this morning, and this one isn't half as good. Meh.}

W O R D C O U N T ◘ 0 4 4 5

It's too bad this place is so cliquey, really. It might've been fun, otherwise.

k!ah
Moderator

4,628 POSTS
Pronouns: She/Her
last seen May 29, 2024 1:27:17 GMT -5

#expensivetrash

Shipping containers [Train thread : blitz : Wander] Jun 11, 2014 23:13:55 GMT -5

Post by k!ah on Jun 11, 2014 23:13:55 GMT -5

[presto]

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S O N J A A R C O P E L L O

{ the voices inside my head }

As you look outside the window now all you see is a blur, but not the blur of your home- your home was long gone now. Everything you saw was something new, something that you had never seen before. You glance over at Cystine and just by looking at him you could tell that he was exhausted. You couldn't blame him, even though it was only a few hours into the day, so much had happened. Looking away you slip off your chair and wander over to the window. You lean onto the seal your eyes watching as the trees slwoly turn into plains which then turn into buildings. You could tell that you were no longer near your home, everything around you could see was man made. From the train carraige you were in to the building that created a sea in front of you.

Must be near the upper districts, you think to yourself your green eyes following a trail of well built stone. Some climbed to high into the skin that you couldn't even see the top, a smile slips onto your lips. The only tall building in you home was the hospital. Once you had reached the roof, the wind had consumed you, hugged you tightly and you had felt like you could fly, you felt like you were one of those birds that soar through the sky swooping in and out between buildings. You had been about to jump, you had wanted to join the birds be free like them, but just when you were about to step of that roof ruby had come and pulled you away. That why you were here today.

"I always wondered what it was like outside District Six, ya know?" His words drag you out of your thoughts and back into the presence, you urn to face him once again, you back pressed up against the window. It couldn't be much further now. "To be honest I haven't really though about it." You say truthfully. You have always loved your home, even though it was the place of so many tragedies in your eyes, it was also the place of memeories that you would never gorget. You trunr to look ou your window again. "Everything looks so fake out there," in that one sentence you had not just insulted the district but also the people who lived there.

[presto]

[/presto]

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RIP Cystine Crystal
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Shipping containers [Train thread : blitz : Wander] Jun 12, 2014 22:13:57 GMT -5

Post by RIP Cystine Crystal on Jun 12, 2014 22:13:57 GMT -5

""To be honest, I haven't really thought about it... Everything looks so fake out there...""

I turn to look at her, surprised by her words. Did she mean in our district or all of the districts? Were there more people like me out there, who had to fake it and hide what they were really like?

I want to ask her, but I'm afraid. I don't want to know if people like me really had existed in District Six. I don't want to know if I never make it back there. I could'a had friends - people who understood me.

Then again, I did have a family, people I belonged with, and I took them for granted - thinkin' they were just there to keep me alive. I mean, they were, that was the point in stayin' with 'em, but I found out that I actually, I don't know, wanted to be there only when I was bein' ripped away from 'em.

I just stare out the window, my interest in the sights layin' on the other side of its clear surface lost. I shrug, more for myself than for her, tryin' to think of an answer.

"I can't really be sure if anythin', anywhere is real," I say, my thoughts wanderin' off to other places and times. "It's all in our heads, ain't it? Our lives. Still. I have always wanted to see what's out there."

That's the real reason I can't imagine anythin' after this. We die. Our brains rot. And we turn to dust. All I got's my head, and when I die, it's gone. What could possibly be left for anybody after that? I have no idea.

Maybe one of them smart kids, the scientists back home, could come up with somethin', but I've never been one of 'em.

W O R D C O U N T ◘ 0 2 8 7

It's too bad this place is so cliquey, really. It might've been fun, otherwise.

k!ah
Moderator

4,628 POSTS
Pronouns: She/Her
last seen May 29, 2024 1:27:17 GMT -5

#expensivetrash

Shipping containers [Train thread : blitz : Wander] Jun 14, 2014 18:39:36 GMT -5

Post by k!ah on Jun 14, 2014 18:39:36 GMT -5

[presto]

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S O N J A A R C O P E L L O

{ the voices inside my head }

The sea of buildings barely has a chance to stop, always growing larger and more extravagent, you knew that you were close to the capitol now, and you begin to wander what it was going to look like. I mean yes you have seen pictures and videos but you have never actually seen the real thing, not with your eyes. It was a pity you were coming here to be fattened up and sent of into an a reana god knows where to kills the people you would be spending he next week or so with. A sigh slips past your lips and you close your eyes for a moment, the sea before you disapperaing and darkness taking it place. You take a deep breath, hold and let it out. You didnt want t die, you didnt want to leave the place that you called home, yes it was a hospital but that pospital was the place that took you in, that helped you meet the people you ared about... now... now you had nothing.

"I can't really be sure if anythin', anywhere is real," You ope your eyes, your vision disorientated for a moment by the moving train before tuning around once again and looking Cystine in the eye. His voice sound distant, like he is saying it but he is not really saying it, he seems so far away. "It's all in our heads, ain't it?" Its all in our heads. Yes. It was all in our heads. Everything was in our heads and the voices they are what dominate us, we really aren't who we say we are, like I wasn't Sonja Arcopello, because the voices were Sonja, I was just the empty shell that they had invaded. "Our lives. Still. I have always wanted to see what's out there."

There was nothing out there, nothing but pain, but death but hurt. Thats all the Capitol wanted us to experience, and that is all that we would get. We ouldnt be happy, that woudnt allow us to be. So I didnt want to know, I liked knowing what I knew because that was enough, enough to ensure e that I could be happy, even if the voices old me otherwise. "Not me. I like what I have seen, I would say that I have sen too much, I dont need to see anymore." Too much. Death. Fire. Death.

[presto]

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