The Bloodbath
Jun 21, 2014 17:06:02 GMT -5
Post by arya on Jun 21, 2014 17:06:02 GMT -5
and the blood will dry
underneath my nails
and the wind will rise up
to fill my sails
underneath my nails
and the wind will rise up
to fill my sails
I couldn’t stop the loud cry that escaped my lips as an awful, horrifying pain rushed through my nerves. All the sudden I was lying in the burning sand. My assumptions had been correct, the sand did burn like fire. The worst pain seemed to origin from my leg. I tried to move it, to rely on it so I would be able to get up. I know I needed to run, even if my brain didn’t seem to function properly. I needed to escape the hungry wolf pack of careers surrounding me. Cystine was dead, and Darius were nowhere to be spotted. Cystine was dead, and I hadn’t wasted a single thought about it. Cystine was dead, why didn’t I care? I saw his dead body not so far from mine. I had never seen a corpse before. He was so pale, so lifeless somehow. I got mad at myself for being so selfish. I hadn’t even tried saving him, and now, I didn’t even waste a thought about his death. How could the capitol do this? How was this even allowed?
My own body woke me up from my thoughts. My head started spinning, and it felt as if I might vomit. The pain was unbearable from all my different wounds still burned and ached. I was mostly concerned with my leg that didn’t seem to obey my orders. I was getting more and more frustrated with it, since I wouldn’t understand why it didn’t obey. Maybe I was in denial, but when I stared down upon it I couldn’t deny it any longer.. My leg was severed. My lower leg lay in the sand, bloody and .. well.. off. It was almost separated from my body just underneath my knee. I just screamed out loud once again, not due to the pain but to the terrifying sight of my lost leg. Even if I would have tried, I couldn’t explain the fear I felt in that moment. It was as if all reasonable parts of me had suddenly vanished. I screamed loudly and long, while I shuffled myself backwards with my hands. Away from Dan and the others, away my murderers. I kept on screaming, no words or nothing. Just a terrible, loud, panic filled cry out in the open. I stared at my leg, and tried to grab it, to squeeze it and feel something. I couldn’t even feel it when I tried punching it. Desperately, I pinched the blood soaked skin. It was gone, but I just couldn’t seem to accept that.
It was a waste, the reasonable part of me would have understood that. I would never be able to escape, but still I found myself trying to pull me out of there. Just a bit of deeply damaged skin and meat kept my leg from not falling of completely. It was dragged after me in the sand, leaving a trail of red blood. The panic grew inside me like a tumor about to burst any second. He had cut of my leg and I would never be able to walk again. I was naïve enough to recent him for that. I was angry enough to scream at him, once again. It wouldn’t come to matter, because even if I would have had my leg, I had already taken my last steps.
It took a while, but at last my brain released all of the endorphins left in my brain. And, naturally a sudden peaceful feeling spread through my body. I welcomed it with a smile on my face. The pain was gone somehow, my brain had more or less just shut itself off. It was as if my brain had realized that this was the moment of my death before my conscious mind could accept it. It had just shut it all off, and I fell into a big pile partly buried in the sand. My vision was blurry but I could still see Dans face. It was like if I was dreaming or about to faint. The entire world seemed to cooperate with my pulse and I saw black stars dancing around the district two boys head. I could hardly hear anything, but the few sounds my mind managed collecting sounded as if they were miles away.
My eyes were wide open, even though I couldn’t see. It was as if he, the Dan boy was the devil himself. He must have enjoyed it, I could see it in his eyes. My head was getting heavier and heavier, but I couldn’t stop thinking about hit. He was their puppet, not me. I was about to die but at least I hadn’t done their dirty work for them, even if it had been close. I wanted to blame him for it, but I knew I would have done the same thing it the roles were the opposite. But still, that boy, he freaked me out. He was fearless, beautiful but yet scary. A perfect victor, exactly like the capitol would have wanted them to be. I wanted him to be sad, to mourn me or at least feel guilty, but I would never get that satisfaction.
I guess this is the point where I should remember all those beautiful memories from my life. How I would see my first love, my dear siblings or some peaceful memory from my childhood. All I could remember was all those terrifying nights when I had been wishing for it just to end. I could hear his deep, exhausted breath in my ear. I could hear my own screams, how I tried to fight my way out of his grip. I could almost feel how my strained muscles trying to push him away. The anxiety piled up inside of me, slowly eating the few pieces of happiness hiding in my dump of a heart. It felt selfish that I didn’t think of my family and how I had left them behind in this terrible world. I faced death with relief. I didn’t need to fight any longer, I could just leave my faith into the hands of the universe and let it go. My story had come to its end, and I had served my purpose. I could leave this world in peace. It’s actually quite frightening how every changes once you have accepted your own death. I was no longer scared, I wasn’t even mad anymore. Not on Dan, those horrible men or even the capitol. I just let it all go and I allowed myself to give in. I released the burdens, the scars deeply carved into my mind and all the hate I ever felt. I was finally free, and a part of me almost wanted to thank the capitol for that.
"But right now
Everything is turning blue,
And right now
The sun is trying to kill the moon,
And right now
I wish I could follow you,
to the shores, of freedom,"
When Galvin, that innocent looking boy with curly brown hair drew his spear to send me away from this world, I wanted to thank him too. When the spear had pierced my body, my brain had already prepared me for death. The blood loss had made me lightheaded and pain free. My brain had been gone since long, and all he did was end it once and for all. If I would have had the energy, I would have told them to just give up and come along. Death was really the ultimate thrill. My suffering had ended and so had my story. I welcomed death into my arms like a dearly beloved child.
[OCC: Well, that went fast.. Eira is dead.. But I want to thank my dear mentor, who was the best support imaginable and also made me superpretty tables and stuff (like this one for example). Thank you STARE for being the best mentor ever. ]
It was a waste, the reasonable part of me would have understood that. I would never be able to escape, but still I found myself trying to pull me out of there. Just a bit of deeply damaged skin and meat kept my leg from not falling of completely. It was dragged after me in the sand, leaving a trail of red blood. The panic grew inside me like a tumor about to burst any second. He had cut of my leg and I would never be able to walk again. I was naïve enough to recent him for that. I was angry enough to scream at him, once again. It wouldn’t come to matter, because even if I would have had my leg, I had already taken my last steps.
It took a while, but at last my brain released all of the endorphins left in my brain. And, naturally a sudden peaceful feeling spread through my body. I welcomed it with a smile on my face. The pain was gone somehow, my brain had more or less just shut itself off. It was as if my brain had realized that this was the moment of my death before my conscious mind could accept it. It had just shut it all off, and I fell into a big pile partly buried in the sand. My vision was blurry but I could still see Dans face. It was like if I was dreaming or about to faint. The entire world seemed to cooperate with my pulse and I saw black stars dancing around the district two boys head. I could hardly hear anything, but the few sounds my mind managed collecting sounded as if they were miles away.
My eyes were wide open, even though I couldn’t see. It was as if he, the Dan boy was the devil himself. He must have enjoyed it, I could see it in his eyes. My head was getting heavier and heavier, but I couldn’t stop thinking about hit. He was their puppet, not me. I was about to die but at least I hadn’t done their dirty work for them, even if it had been close. I wanted to blame him for it, but I knew I would have done the same thing it the roles were the opposite. But still, that boy, he freaked me out. He was fearless, beautiful but yet scary. A perfect victor, exactly like the capitol would have wanted them to be. I wanted him to be sad, to mourn me or at least feel guilty, but I would never get that satisfaction.
I guess this is the point where I should remember all those beautiful memories from my life. How I would see my first love, my dear siblings or some peaceful memory from my childhood. All I could remember was all those terrifying nights when I had been wishing for it just to end. I could hear his deep, exhausted breath in my ear. I could hear my own screams, how I tried to fight my way out of his grip. I could almost feel how my strained muscles trying to push him away. The anxiety piled up inside of me, slowly eating the few pieces of happiness hiding in my dump of a heart. It felt selfish that I didn’t think of my family and how I had left them behind in this terrible world. I faced death with relief. I didn’t need to fight any longer, I could just leave my faith into the hands of the universe and let it go. My story had come to its end, and I had served my purpose. I could leave this world in peace. It’s actually quite frightening how every changes once you have accepted your own death. I was no longer scared, I wasn’t even mad anymore. Not on Dan, those horrible men or even the capitol. I just let it all go and I allowed myself to give in. I released the burdens, the scars deeply carved into my mind and all the hate I ever felt. I was finally free, and a part of me almost wanted to thank the capitol for that.
"But right now
Everything is turning blue,
And right now
The sun is trying to kill the moon,
And right now
I wish I could follow you,
to the shores, of freedom,"
When Galvin, that innocent looking boy with curly brown hair drew his spear to send me away from this world, I wanted to thank him too. When the spear had pierced my body, my brain had already prepared me for death. The blood loss had made me lightheaded and pain free. My brain had been gone since long, and all he did was end it once and for all. If I would have had the energy, I would have told them to just give up and come along. Death was really the ultimate thrill. My suffering had ended and so had my story. I welcomed death into my arms like a dearly beloved child.
[OCC: Well, that went fast.. Eira is dead.. But I want to thank my dear mentor, who was the best support imaginable and also made me superpretty tables and stuff (like this one for example). Thank you STARE for being the best mentor ever. ]
![umber vivuus 12b 🥀 [dars] Avatar](https://64.media.tumblr.com/6bd9510cdad971e3f06ec1e3f01f2c15/841067e54e16873e-4f/s400x600/0af56921a7100a0df6aa1190b31747bc8a4514f1.png)
