Pay Phone (Marr)

There is no easy way out of this situation today. No matter which direction we go, whether it's sperate or together, the simple truth is always going to be the same. Nothing is going to change what's happened and it's not going to change. At least one parent knows now, but we still have one more to go. I know for a fact that it's best to wait to tell my father. It's not like he has to know this weekend either or next. Maybe, he'll just stay gone enough that my ever changing body won't be noticed by his present absence and I'll just simply keep it hidden.

Then comes my voice of going home. I just want out of this rain. I just want to go somewhere away from everything and pretend things are normal, but my mind goes through that scenario again saying nothing will go back to normal. I've been dealt a hand of cards with no way to win and I'm the joker. I do get a quick, and rather sarcastic reply from Matthew. Of course, I can't blame him. I did drop the news on him today and now I want to go home because I just can't figure out how to help him through this. I'm not even dealing with it well enough to help him. I don't know what to say to him to help him cope. I already tried that when I wanted him to go talk to his father and I see how that went.

"I don't want to go, but you just seem to want your time to deal with it. I dont' know what to say. You won't let me talk to you. You won't let me touch you. MAtthew, I'm at a loss." I try to tell him all the I feel these damn emotions wanting to take over my body whereas before I found out I was pregnant were non existant. Does pregnancy really mess with you that much? I still keep my stance beside the garbage can that he kicked, knocking the lid over with a crash.

The rain doesn't help but it does mask the pools of water threatening to fall.

"I don't want you to go. Not today." A sigh of releif because I finally know that he don't want to be left alone and I'm sure that I don't either. I just don't know how to help him. I don't knwo what to say to him either because I've only just dealt with it myself and only with his father. I wasn't put into his shoes when he was called a hopeless case, yet it still hit my ears in the same tone. His father didn't clarify who it was that he was talking about.

"Lets just go somewhere together."

"Okay. Wherever you want, but I don't think I want to put Vy into our mess right now. You know? Besides, Brooklyn is there. I don't wnat her to see me or you upset. Let's just head to the old shack?" I make a decision because I don't want to intrude on Vy's nice weekend let alone to get her to asking why I'm wearing MAtthew's clothes. That would be too awkward. Right now, I think just being able to take care of ourselves would help out in the long run. We need to figure this all out and find out how to deal with it ourselves. We don't have much time to really pussyfoot around.

HOlding my head up, I walk toward him and when I reach his destination, I slowly let my hand slip into his without a sound, letting my fingers curl around his hand and I start walking in the direction of the old shack. Maybe silence will heal this unnerving moment. Even if the sky isn't cooperating with us and the rest of the world isn't, maybe all we need is each other? Maybe...

When my hand reaches for his and my fingers curl around his hand, he doesn't pull away like last time. He lets me hold his hand and gently go in the direction that we need to in order to get to some form of shelter. By the time we get to the shack, it's completely soaked me and him. Not a single dry spot on either of us, so when we get to the shack, it's dire that we get a fire going. At least for a little warmth as the chill starts to set in again. He starts to set the wood in the fire place, lacing it with a bit of dry debris to get the fire going and throwing out a pot full of water from a leak.

The hearth starts to crackle with the fire that starts to catch on to the rest of the timber inside. Already, the smell and warmth comes outward, warming the place as Matthew tells me that there is blankets and pillows in the next room. I give him a nod as he keeps telling me about the old sofa if you've got no place to go. I vaguely remember this place from one of our wild romps, but never actually stayed the night before. So, I'm wondering if that's what's going to happen. That this will become our sleeping quarters for tonight.

"You should get out of those wet clothes. I"ll hang them up." Sounds like a good idea, but I've got nothing underneath the shirt and pants as I'm already only wearing his things. Still, he's right but not before I go in search of the blankets that he mentioned.

"I'll see if I can't find the blankets." I go off to the next room and search, looking into the small closet in the hallway and find what he had mentioned. Grabbing it up, I decide to go ahead and use the blanket as a robe, taking the wet clothes off and going back into the room. "Here." I tell him, handing him the shirt and pants that he let me borrow at his place. What I woudln't give to have my own things out of the dryer right now. They would be nice and warm and dry. Not to mention they'd fit better than a blanket. Instead of going to the sofa, I hand Matthew the other blanket and go to sit in front of the fireplace as close as I can without burning myself.

"Bit of dejavu, don't you agree? Sitting in an abandon'd shack, covered with blankets and a crackling fire. Seems like something from our past." I mention with a bit of a smile coming to my face, but keep my voice at an all time low. "Maybe we should have went to Vy's? You think? I just didn't want to involve her..."

I wrap the blanket as much as it'll go around my body, drawing my legs up to rest my chin on my knees. My eyes rest on the flames as they lick the top of the chimney, getting higher and higher. "I don't want my dad to know what's going on." I start. Yes, the way his father reacted is starting to bother me. It's starting to make me fear my own moment when I have to tell him, but there are always options, right? Not living there any more. Staying here, no matter how unlivable it really is in this house. It's better than dealing with what he had to, right?

Mentioning the past is good. I remember that day so well. So much had happened. Between the game and running for our lives, I never expected any of this to happen that is going on now. Never even knew that beyond that day, that we'd be experiencing this. At least this place is dry like he said. It isn't luxurious but does that even matter? I'm not about the fancy stuff in life. I'm just satisfied to be with him. He touches base with me about the way this memory is different than the last. That neither of us are bleeding and fighting for our lives. Today, we're just trying to survive the news that has been laid out for us; all three of us.

I can't help but to giggle lightly when he shows me the scar I left on his butt and remember how embarressed I was when I tried to treat it. Things sure do change! I watch him as he pulls his underware back up and cover up with the blanket to sit next to me, drawing his arms around me. Then his hand reaches for my stomach and his finger lay lightly across my belly. The tingle shoots through my body, exciting my flesh to show nothing but goosebumps under the blanket. Instantly, I place my hand on top of his to keep his hand there. It's comforting for some reason. From all of the mixed feelings that's gone on today, when it's just left to me and him, I feel okay.

Right now, nothing is wrong.

"And now I staked my claim on you." I shake my head a little bit to that comment.

"Is that so, Mr. Dunham? I get a scar and you get a baby? That's your claim?" I lean into him, with a grin on my face. Only to start listening to his voice a moment later talk about his dad. This is serious. I can hear it in his voice. I am mentally agreeing with him because I don't see it as a hopeless case but to hear those words from someone you love is quite disheartening. It almost sounds like it would be real and it felt that way to me. Matthew's trying to be stronger than his father. He's becoming bigger than that guy who ran out on us when the news was dealt. Already, I'm glad to be with Matthew, because at that news his father ran, but.. he didn't. He's stayed by my side all day. We're working it out.

"... this baby is not bad. He has no idea!" I nod my head and lean up. I cross my legs in front of me and let my fingers close around his hand, letting each finger be put inbetween his fingers. I move the blanket a little bit, so that his hand is touching the flesh of my belly.

"This baby don't deserve to be called bad... no matter what anyone else thinks. It was bound to happen... we should have been a little more careful. Go ahead and say it. I told you so... but it happened for a reason, right?" Turning my mind into positivity around Matthew is what I need to do. We created this little person. It's us that has to deal with everything that comes with the territory.

It's calm. For the first time today, the air around me feels calming. I'm not sure if it's the staleness of the old house or the smell of the lumber catching on fire.

"Will you come home next week?" I'm curious. I don't know what this will do to his training and if he has to stay there, I won't make a fuss. It just gives me more time to have the news kept from my father. A yawn escapes me suddenly. The day has taken its toll on my body and my mind. Although I'm sure it's the pregnancy that's making me feel tired right now. I just want to relax. With a second yawn only a moment later, I lean down, bending my arm on his leg and laying over to lay my head on his knee. The crackling of the fire is nice.

I'm actually kinda glad that he doesn't put the full blame on me. With him saying he was there too actually puts a little relief in the fact of knowing that he's blaming himself just as much as I am. So, after that we just kinda mold into what the day had brought to us. Sitting in front of the fire, I can finally feel my skin relinquishing the damp moisture from the rain that we ended up in again, although my hair is still wet, my body has become dry and warming with the heat from the fire still starting up. It's not gotten to a full roar yet, but close on its way.

A question pushes through my lips about next week. I'm more than curious if he'll be coming home or not. A moment later, he gives me a definate answer but counters it saying if they let him. My heart flutters thinking that I'll have to deal with two weeks with him gone. Though, I wonder how I'm going to do it if he's gone. Will things stay the same?

"Are you going to be okay at home? I mean Jerans not there... does he know?" Of all the people, usually the father and the family is first to know right? I give him a shake of my head and another jolt of fear seems to run down my back. I havn't told him nor my own father. What's strange is that Matthew's father knows before my own. What's that going to do to me?

"I'll be fine... no different than this week? And no... Jeran doesn't know. I don't know how to tell him. I'm sure he's going to flip out just as much as my father. How do I tell him? You know? What's he been like at the academy? I hardly see him, so I don't know what his attitude has been like lately. He's just so busy as well. I don't even think he came home this weekend." I pause a minute wanting to know. "Should I just wait to tell him, too?"

I feel him moving as he fishes for a pillow then lays down. I've still got my head on his leg, watching the fire, but a moment later I sit up and look at him. "Matthew? What do you think it'll be like?"

I give him a question as I lay down next to him, staying just a few inches from actually touching him, propping my head up on my elbow. "You know... to have a baby? Taking care of him or her. Rocking them... safe to say that you've never been around little ones, right? Funny, but I havn't. Brooklyn's the youngest I've ever been around. I"m kinda scared. How would we take care of one?" I question him but my words have become slow and soft. Exhaustion is really taking a toll on me as I lean my head down to use my arm as a pillow and my eyes start to close. Ever so gently, my mind slips away.

The decision is made when to tell my brother. I have to agree with MAtthew in whole because I would hate it if my brother spilled the beans to my father before I got to tell him. Although, that would save me some grief in the long run. So, I have the decision, but not the timing. It's good no matter what because I can wait. The longer we sit in front of the fire, questions arise from my sleepy mind. Questions of what it'll be like to have a baby and Matthew thinks I'll be a natural at it because I'm good with Brooklyn. That in itself makes me giggle just slightly because I remember the first time I met Brooklyn and that was in the hospital after Vy had disloated my elbow causing me so much pain. Her daughter was practically trying to get me out of the bed to play with her. I had never dealt with a small person before so I practically just patted her on the head and yelled for the nurse to come get her. Now? After some practice, I seem okay, but starting from a newborn?

"Natural... wanna make a bet?" I tease him. After that, slowly I succumb to the sleep wanting to take over my body and my mind. My words become slow and non existant after hearing his reply. A smile forms on my lips that slowly turns down. Half way out of it, the world around me is still going on. Matthew is still awake, but my body is no longer responsive. My mind still seems to recollect things going on around me though as I vaguely hear him talk about graduating and then moving out of his house. A small, exhausted 'Mhm' escapes my lips as the slumber takes full effect and I'm lost to the world.

A dream filled night wakes me up right after the sun is up. Slowly, I stretch, pushing my arms outward hitting the side of the couch and feel the cushions below me as well as the arm rest above my head. A small gentle smile appears on my lips right before that routine hits me. In this house, where would be the best place to sit until it passes? Does it even have running water? Slowly, I just draw my legs up and lean my head backward, taking several deep breaths. How did I end up on the couch in the first place? Where is Matthew?

"Matthew?" I whisper out and look to the fire that's been stoked just a little, a few more peices of wood that had been placed on it to keep the warm embers from dying down on us. I stand from the couch and slowly step toward the fireplace and feel the heat on my legs and stomach. The feeling is nice, but still no sign of my significant other. "Matthew... babe?" I feel particularly in a good mood this morning. With a hand gently pressed to my stomach, willing it to hold off, I go in search of my boyfriend. I walk gently around, willing my eyes to catch on to anything moving. Though, I hear the rain still hasn't ceased even this morning but it's very light. My eyes catch on to that put that wad filled with water when we first got here and going to it, I bend down to pick it up to rid it of the liquid in the kitchen sink.

I pour the pot into the sink, ridding the pan of the collection from overnight. The air is surprisingly damp, yet dry at the same time. The air around us is completely calm and relaxing. Not sure why, but even sleeping in this run down shack was more relaxing than sleeping at my own home. Away from my own bed, I never thought the dreams that ran through my subconscious would be that good. All I can remember is something about a baby. That and something that was yellow. An entire room of yellow like the sun, but a bit more on the mellow side; a pale yellow flower. The thoughts of that dream has put me into such a good mood for this morning that I call out for Matthew with an endearing term for him to catch on to. When do I give him a cutesy name other than Matthew? I shrug to the thought and let it go.

"Morning... babe... is that what you just called me?" And he recognized the endearment quickly. I grin a cheeky smile to him and see the smirk on his face then with a kiss on the lips he goes to put a log to keep the fire going. I watch him so closely. Watch his movements and everything. I keep the blanket tight against my body, folded up so I don't have to hold on to it and go to the fire place to get the pants and shirt he lent me yesterday. They are nice and toasty, still being kept warm by the fire. I put the shirt on first as he questions my stay here in this place.

"It was cozy. I mean, lacking the basic essentials... like running water and a good clean, but it was good. Couch was a nice thing to wake up on. Did you do that? Or did I get up and get on it?" I wonder. I don't remember waking to get up to move to it, so it had to be him. Then again, there is such a thing as sleep walking. "I don't understand how it can rain so much. I really don't want to get back out in it."

I slip the pants on next and then wrap the blanket back over my shoulders and sit on the couch. I motion for Matthew to join me, drawing my legs up close to my body but waiting for him to sit beside me so I can wrap my arm around his shoulder. When he does, I rest my head against his shoulder. "Did you sleep okay last night?" I'm curious because I can tell he's a little off. Not sure what it is but I can sense it. I close my eyes when that feeling starts to flare up again and I rest a hand on my stomach and then lean my head back taking one deep breath after another. The realization of what happened yesterday coming to a head. I hope your father isn't too mad at us still.

"I blame you." I tease him entirely. Another deep breath has me wishing that we were at my own house cause the feeling is creeping to close for comfort. "I need some air..." I get up from the couch and get to the door as quick as I can and exit it, letting it partly close behind me. On the edge of the old porch, I cough, but don't do anything else. Bent over to rest against my knees, I lean against the house and just revel in the need for this feeling to pass. That's when I hear footsteps. "... this is so embarressing."