Pay Phone (Marr)

Facing my father is one thing. Facing his is totally different. As he explains a little about how he'll not be thrilled, it makes me almost just want this to all go away. To not have to explain any of this to anyone and pretend that this has never happened. I'm not sure why it's bothering me so much, but being nervous is good right? If I wasn't nervous, then all of this might be totally wrong. Yet, he leaves it up to me whether or not to be present when he tells his father. For some reason, I'm leaning toward him telling his father without me present. I don't think I'd be able to handle the rejection from two different fathers, especially someone who doesn't like me. I'm not sure what kind of mood this will put his father in.

I take my leave from the shower, wrapping the towel around my petite body and go to his room. My eyes linger on his desk for a short amount of time before I finally come to rest on the edge of his bed. That' when the clock begins to start ticking loudly in my ear somewhere. All I can hear is the screaming silence in here, sometimes effected by the sound of the shower that keeps going. He's not going to follow is he? I question myself and him. The mirror is within plain sight from his bed, and I happen to get a glance at myself. The stringy hair from it being plasteredto my face from the shower. The discoloring under my eyes of the sleepless nights. I don't get much of a break from one moment to the next and neither does Matthew. I'm clueless why I even told him right now. I could have easily waited a couple more weeks before saying something. Maybe at a time when I actually started to show. You fool. Not telling him was going to be wrong... you needed to tell him. You need him.

I stand up from the bed, and walk back to the mirror and pull the opening of the towel to expose my stomach a little and turn to the side. The only thing I see is how thin I am. How the after effects from Jins has totally taken its toll on me and my gaunt body. How I"m suppose to support a living being for the next several months. My fingers come to trace small lines on my belly eliciting little jolts of electricity through my system. I stand there entranced by this motion as my mind whirls about so many different things. That is, until the water shuts off and I'm brought back to reality and cover myself yet again, returning to the bed just in time for him to come in.

"Help yourself. They're all a bit big but dry. Maybe you can stasha shirt or two here as well." Why would I stash my clothes here? What brought him to say that? I actualy enjoy wearing his things because it smells like him. It's a kind of comforting thing, but if he wants me to bring my own things here, what is that really saying? I'll be here more often? Or something else?

About the time that I stand up, he's already dug through the drawer and tossed me a dry shirt that hangs to my thighs, covering myself. I sit back down on the bed, watching him then adverting my gaze off somewhere in the room, then back to him. That's when our gazes meet back up.

"Don't worry so much. It's not going to help anything. We'll figure it out. Just like so far."

"I'm not really worried... just unsure. So much to process." He sits next to me, taking my hand and holding me in his grasp. I feel like I'm depending on him too much. Maybe, more then I should. I've gotten used to him being gone for so long, that when he returns I feel nothing but the need to just be around him for every minute I can. Back off a little, Ky. Let him breath.

"I don't know, Matthew." I state to his first question. I'm not sure where this is suppose to go. What I really want him to do. Just him not shoo'ing me away is enough. To have him holding my hand is more than enough. We've already talked about this not long ago, but with him sitting beside me, for now, everything seems like it'll be okay. To humor him, I nod just slightly. "Just a little, I guess. Aren't you? Been a while since you've been home to eat real food."

I stand from the bed and turn to him, giving him a reassuring smile as I draw my hand away from his. Again, thoughts of him telling his father tonight sets my stomach to drop a little with the anticipated news. "I know you said it was up to me whether I was here or not when you tell him, but I think getting it overwith quicker is probably best. You know? I can't let you do it alone... not before you're going to be there with me. Together, right? You and me?"

He gives me an answer to what I have to say about getting it over with, telling his father, about the news. The sooner his father knows, the better and it'll be like a practice for when I actually give my own dad the news. What I wouldnt' give for my mother to be alive. What I would give for her to be the one to recieve the news first. She would be able to help me so much better and guide me. Advice for what to do now... Then with a kiss on the cheek, Matthew gets up and offers me a pair of his sweatpants, but the comment that follows is a little hard to swallow just because he notices it, too. Soon enough, he won't be saying that.

As he leaves, it gives me a minute to get them on and tighten up the drawstring around my waist. It's so weird to be wearing his pants cause they are so much bigger than I am, but my clothes are soaked, so I'm only grateful for the warm cloth. I follow quickly down the stairs to meet up with Matthew in the kitchen, but just as I reach the kitchen that familiar sound of keys is what has my eyes darting to the door. Not this soon. Not now... I thought he was suppose to be out all night... Matthew!

Just like that, the door opens and I feel like I've been caught naked again despite the clothes that cover my body. My arms wrap around my front, as if I've got something to hide. Then Matthew's quick words are as surprising cause he's asking why he's home. His father, on the other hand, acts just as he did the last time, greeting his son with that coy grin. I drop my head, and turn away from him. His father is quick to introduce his fishing partner and I think that me and Matthew are thinking the same thing to see him with a woman. That odd strike of luck, if I do say so myself.

"Hello, Anne." I say polietly, just as to offset the embarresment in my cheeks that I feel. "Hello, Mr. Dunham."

Matthew takes the subject off to food and I can see that flicker in his father's eye when he look at me. Does he think we were having a bit of fun again? I know that's what it looks like, with me wearing his son's clothes again, instead of a bedsheet, but perhaps, right now would be a good time to explain? Looking to Matthew, I glance back at his father.

"That storm is just horrible, don't you agree?" I ask, putting my chin up a little more now, confidence returning as to hide the feelings of being caught. "Hope you don't mind... your place was much closer than mine was... what with the lightning and storm."

I turn away from the pair of fishermen and give Matthew a nod. I return to the living room and gather my wet items and walk past everyone to put them in the dryer. In the utility room, I stay there for a moment after starting the clothes. A heavy sigh later, I emerge back to the kitchen where Mr. Dunham and the woman is already preparing one of the fish, so I wash my hands and go to Matthew's side to help with the vegitables that he's cutting on. "I'll get those."

"Life on the lake that bad during the storm?" I question his father and his companion. Anything to make small talk for the moment.

I return in time to help with the vegatables, not knowing about what MAtthew is doing to his father. Taunting him just a little and stuff, so the small talk is what I'm trying to do. Besides, now that he's home, the news is goign to have to come out sooner or later, but I'd rather it be later. I have no clue who this woman is, and I'd rather not discuss my own personal issues in front of her. Dad always said if you have a problem, that you deal with it on your own. You don't go around flaunting it to the district to gain attention. If only he understood...

Just as soon as the potatoes are finished being cut and stuff, his dad and the woman leave to go get themselves dried off. Immediately, a smile plays on my lips because I know what Matthew is thinking and I know that he see's the same accusation in me. "Sounds like a plan... but maybe we should talk away from the woman. I don't know her. I just... don't trust talking to people I don't know. Maybe a private conversation, maybe?" I fidget with my fingers for a moment before putting the things we just cut in the pan to cook.

"Are you two having dinner with us?" He asks as they finally make their return. They're both in dry clothes, but the woman is still using a small towel to blot her face. Just after Matthew puts the fish in to cook, he asks me a question that I can only respond to as nothing more than a shrug.

"I don't know. I guess?" I'm glad that I've kept my voice down enough because it seems hsi father and that woman are off talking to themselves. With the aroma wafting around, for some reason, it hits me the wrong way. I've not eaten fish in a while, not this fresh before, but the scent that's driving harshly into my nose is setting my stomach up to feel a bit queasy, tossing some horrible feelings around. Great... again?
"I'll be right back, Matthew."

I turn the corner from the kitchen, then head upstairs to the bathroom, shutting the door, proceeding with caution to sit on the edge of the tub beside the toilet. Dropping my head between my legs seems to help. Away from the aroma of the garlic and fish, my stomach seems to die down just a little, but not disappearing. I let out a small groan and move to sit on the floor instead, using the tub as a back rest, drawing my legs up to my body. With my arms wrapped around them, I sit still; unmoving. HOpefully, it'll pass.

The nausea dies down the longer I sit here. Without the movement and the smell of the garlic infused fish scent that invades the air, it's like bearing in something fresh again. I need this right now. Automatically, I'm thrown back to that day back with Vy when I woke up feeling sick but what really did it was the smell of the bacon that was frying. Somehow, the more potent the scent the more it tends to make me sick. Lovely... it's still a bother to be sitting in his bathroom because I know for a fact the I rushed out of their view just to reach the bathroom in time. His father and that guest if his makes me even more nervous to be around at this time. Who knows it he's judging me already? Getting sick right now would only putt that suspicion in his head like it did Vy that day. Only, his father had two kids. He'll be the first to recognize the symptoms. It's basic knowledge right?

Just like that, the door opens, making me jump slightly top get up because im not sure if it's his father to come and seeing if a line of accusations already. Then again it could be that woman who just might be trying to be nice. However, my eyes don't lay upon either off them. Instead it's Matthew and I relax back to my head in my knees.

"What's wrong?"

I shake my head, taking several breasts before trying to bring my head up to look at the ceiling. I focus a minute before drawing my eyes to Matthew and give him a reassuring grin, no matter how small. His hand touches my leg and I can see the worry in his expression. What can I say top comfort him and tell him I'm okay?

"Don't worry. There's plenty more where that came from." I tease him because this won't be the first time that this has happened and it definitely won't bee the last as Vy has said. "Figured that it was only mornings that this would be occurring... Guess not." I stop, taking a breath again but I can still smell the fish lingering around Matthew from where he had handled it and was cooking just previous. "Vy says smells are bad for doing that. I just gotta get used to it. I'm sorry..."

I hate having him here. I don't want him to see me like this, much like last time when he find me in this position but at that time I thought it wad merely a hangover. Now? I don't want him fussing over more and I certainly don't want his father walking in on me now that we both are gone from his sight. No telling what he's thinking. "You shouldn't be here. You need to go back down and tend to the food. It's probably burning right now. "I tryto convince him to go back down to the kitchen and leave me do to show him I'm okay I start to stand and turn to the sink.

I turn the cold water on and put my face down to splash some cold water on my face. Hopefully it'll help in the long run. This will be a daily thing fit now I guess. Hopefully as soon as his father knows I won't have to hide it anymore? Reaching for a towel, I dry my face and look into the mirror. With a shake of my head, I can see clearly the scar on my cheek as well as the pale complexion. No Way to hide the obvious. I follow out the door and make an appearance yet again. I flash a smile over to the woman and then his father as I take up residence on the couch. As far as I can be away from the cooking smell the better for now.

Matthew is being sweet, concerned, and there for me. These little moments are making me see him for who he is becoming, yet I'm still trying to push him away just slightly. I've never before had to rely on someone for help for anything, but as the days grow and the more I'm with him, it's not about me anymore. He's trying. I can see that in his eyes. His demeanor and stance doesn't change, but his eyes convey more than I can ever ask for. Even when he asked me if there was any pain or something, I give him a shake of my head. The feeling to be sick isn't painful, but only annoying.

"I know, Matthew." I whisper out and the reassurance that the food is being handled by his father is enough to make me regret trying to push him out of the picture. I'm just trying to protect the news that will soon make an appearance. "No. I love your cooking... I wouldn't lie about that. I notice that hint of a smile and realize he's joking with me which makes me feel better already.

The banter between Matthew and his father is quite entertaining. The way they fuss at each other and I look down to Matthew's feet to wonder why he wasn't wearing socks when his father was asking about them. Was it because he went to check on me? Did he make an excuse or something? Once on the couch, the other woman does the same, allowing the two men in the kitchen to cook and fuss at each other a little more over little things. It's actualy interesting to watch the chemistry between the bond they share. My brother and father never had that kind of relationship unless it was about fighting or training and that never lasted long.

"So you're Matthew's girl friend?" I give her my full attention, nodding to her with a smile in return. Her questions are the basics for anyone to get to know someone. It's actually nice to have someone interested in our relationship, especially an older person, so I stifle my nose as much as I can to interrupt the smell that's still making my stomach turn a little. "Yeah, we've been together just around seven months. Give or take a day." I pleasantly tell her.

The chatter between the woman and I only lasts long enough before Matthew is calling us to the table and as we approach, I see the setting for four people. His father and his friend as well as Matthew and myself. I've not seen a setting for four in so long. It's actually quite nice to see this so, I take my place beside the woman, with Matthew on the other side. "Looks good, Guys."

I wait my turn, letting the woman beside me get her food and the two men, and take my portion, sitting the fish away from the vegatables. I'm weary. If the smell that is dying down will effect the taste of the fish? Just to kinda avoid it, I dig in to the vegi's first. They are settling on my stomach actually. The true test is when I actually take a bit of the fish. Without a volitile effect, it turns out to be good. "Awesome job on the fish." Wish I could say that about the smell.

As the meal comes to an end, I glance over to Matthew, reaching for his hand. I'm not sure when he's planning on bringing up the conversation nor am I totally ready for it, so I give his hand a gentle squeeze before I stand up and take my plate and the woman's plate as well as she's placed her napkin into the middle. The sign that she's done is enough for me to be hospitible to her. "I'll get that for you."

At the sink, I turn to meet Matthew's gaze and when he's next to me, I whisper to him as I rinse the dishes off. "When... are you going to talk to your father?"

It's only idle and busy work for me, the dishes. Just something to keep my mind of the inevitable that will be arriving soon. When the moment comes and Matthew and I will be telling his father about what's going on with me. What's going to happen to us. What we will be expecting in just a few short months away. My heart is already thumping away in my chest from worry. I'm already going through so many scenarios in my head of how he'll react, but I barely know the guy. So far, he seems cool about things, though just as Anne told me, they are rough around the edges. I couldn't agree more. Matthew is the same way, but I think the longer he's around me, he's starting to show that he's not all tough as nails.

With the inquisitive nature in me, I ask Matthew when we're going to tell him in which starts the whole scene when his father arrives just in time for Matthew's last phrase of "...let's tell him." I hold my breath for a moment when his father jokingly mentions us getting married. If only it were just that simple. At least with marriage, we could wait for as long as we want and break it off if something was to happen. A baby? Not so plannable and there's no ability to put it off until we feel like we want one. It's already happened and the countdown has started.

"No but we're having a baby." The way he says it makes it feel so unreal. To hear it coming from his mouth, 'we're... having a... baby...', sets things all in motion for me. He's admitting and accepting the news. He's admitting to it being 'We'. Me and him. Him and I will be expecting a baby. Already, that look on his father's face thinks this is all just a joke. If only it were....

That's when he grabs his father's arm to get him to fully understand our situation. "It's not a joke, dad. Kyanite is pregnant." It hits him light lightning and I see it. A hellstorm is about to hit and we're going to be caught in the middle of it. Matthew reaches for my hand and I"m completely speechless. What do you say to someone after that? The accusations that follow has my mouth opening without no sound to come out. The questions are mainly directed to Matthew, but I can't seem to get a word in. He sounds so upset and pissed to hear the news claiming that my boyfriend is out of his mind and thinking we had planned this. I shake my head to counter his words.

"I don't know, dad. I thought we were..." That sounds painful to say to someone who's face is nothing but red and his voice raising with each sentence. I keep a definate grip on Matthew's hand, squeezing tightly at one point because I"m not sure what to expect. Will they get into a fight? Scream some more? Will he suddenly turn on me and start blaming everything on me as I am of the gender he hates? Does he blame me already?

"Hopeless case." I feel like I've been shot with an arrow. Those two words are so heartbreaking to hear. I know they are directed toward Matthew, but it doesn't keep those words from describing myself as well. I wonder if that's what my father will do when I tell him? Though, I'm more worried that he'll kick me out when he finds out, cause he's done it before. Only, it was punishment for losing a fight. What will he do with this kind of news?

I watch his father leave through the door and look up to Matthew's face. It's contorted in bewilderment and full of confusion. There's not much I can do, so since our hands are laced together, I bring my other arm to wrap around that arm, bringing my body to mold against his in comfort. I don't know about giving him a hug, but this way I'm showing my support. I'm beside him all the way. Not in front, nor behind, but beside him. That's when my gaze turns and see's the woman who is in the doorway and embaressment floods over my cheeks. She knows that I"m pregnant.... wonderful. Can it get any worse? How long till this news is spread among the district?

"Matthew... you should probably go talk to your father? Just him and you... or do you want me to come? I don't think me being around..." How do I say it? My presence will only piss his father off more? Show his father how much of a trouble I really am? How much the female population is trying to ruin his perfect life. The woman's voice behind me sounds like she's clearing her throat, but doesn't say anything. "What do you want to do?"

This is where I become a little confident and unwrap myself from his arm, but my hand still stays within his as I step in front of him. "Matthew... " My hand immediately finds his face, cupping teh side of his cheek as I look up to him to find his eyes. What I find is ones that won't connect with mine. They are still staring after the door where his father left through. Slowly, my hand drops and I let my hand fall from his. "Go talk to him...."

Words are usually my way of connecting to someone. Support, conversation, distraction... at the present time, they are not appriciated. Not in the littlest. Not in consoling my boyfriend at all. Instead, I get the backlash of what's going on. His voice is aggrivated but I am not really sure if it's directed toward his father, the situation... or me. Especially when his eyes become daggers at my own so suddenly, that gaze is fearful. I don't like the way he's looking at me, so my stomach drops and I realize that I've overstepped a precious boundary when I tried to help and get him to go talk to his father.

"I'm going to go for a walk." Matthew just blurts it out and turns away from me. He's turned away from me... showing me his back. The sign that I'm not welcome at all. My throat starts to burn with that rejection. His father rejected him and now he seems to be rejecting me. Why did I ever fall in love with you?

"You can come if you want." Question is, does he want me to or does he feel he has to considering? I would be better off heading home with how cold it is between us at the moment. How horrible I'm feeling because of the way this has turned out. I never expected for his father to do that to him as they always seem to be good toward each other. The wya they banter and fuss at each other over dinner, this is totally opposite. I don't like it one bit though. I watch him walk away after giving me the offer to go with him. He's not even waiting up to let me make a decision because right now, I"m not sure which would be right. I have no clue how this is goign to work. No idea how Matthew will treat me when we are going to walk out this door. Is he goign to just take me home? Go back to school....

"Come on!" The tone in his voice moves my feet before my head is able to wrap around the situation. I just follow. My lips remaining sealed as I keep a half of a step behind him, off to the side a little. I bring my arms up in front of my, encircling my body just a little while my head is watching the pace of his feet. Watching the speed and direction that we leave his house. It's almost a block away before he starts to slow down, but I've lost all form of communication. Maybe he just needs silence with company. I can't help but to glance back at his place, wondering if his father will really disown him just because of me? Because of what we did.

"Where are we going?" I whisper out, afraid to really break this silence with a huge sentence or volume. If he doesn't want to say anything, then I won't press him. I've learned that.