Playing with fire 2 (all the good peops)
Aug 20, 2014 4:16:11 GMT -5
Post by Jack Lexington on Aug 20, 2014 4:16:11 GMT -5
From my spot in the doorway I watch the medics take care of Kyanite, working around her, occassionally blocking my view. One time I her wince. I wish I could go over there and hold her hand.
Then she gets lifted up and I freeze.
"Is a parent or legal guardian here with her to go with us to the hospital?"
I want to go with her to make sure she's okay, to support her and find out how the baby is doing. For a second I look at my superior who chooses to ignore me and know that I have to stay put in order to protect everybody.
The feeling of helplessness tugs on my insides but I try to ignore it.
Jeran doesn't help when he tells Vy, not me, to meet them there because Ky would want her. I'm the father for crying out loud, not her. I should be going with her.
The worst is the look on my girl friends face when she gets carried past me with tears streaming down her face. Nobody knows exactly why she's crying but I'm pretty sure it's not because of the pain from her head wound.
To see her like this and not being allowed to touch her and kiss her to somehow ease her pain but stand there as if I barely knew her makes something inside of me crack. It's almost a physical pain that I feel deep down. I'd never known I'm capable of somuch regret and hurt until I saw her being carried away from me.
O'Rourke suddenly blocks my vision and cold as ice tells me.
"Matthew. Go home, take some time to calm down; I'm going to handle the father."
What do I care about the father now.
My eyes find his but I'm not even sure if I care.
In a weird daze I nod.
"Yes, sir."
Then their gone. The door closes. The sirens start up again, the engine roars, then the street and with it the Ruze home falls silent.
My back is pressed against the same door frame I've been standing on for the past 15 minutes. And still I can't move. I feel like I've just been torn into a thousand little shreds because from now on I will not interact with Kyanite, I will not and comfort her, I will not see her, hold her kiss her or even show anybody that I know her. I will not see the first pictures of my baby, nor will I ever hold him or her in my arms.
My breaths become unsteady, shallow, labored as I feel my knees get weak. Yet I force myself to keep standing up.
A voice behind me tears me out of my thoughts.
"What happened with Corporal?"
I had completely forgotten about Vy still being here. She makes me jump a little. But right now I don't want to talk to her or explain anything.
I don't even look at the girl. Instead I turn away from her. But where do I go? Do I sit down? Leave? Talk to her? Run away? maybe still follow Ky to the hospital no matter what the cost?
"Are you not going to the hospital?" I ask but half way through my words my throat tightens so much that I well up.
'Fuck! Fuck all this shit! Fuck the damn academy!' Is all I can think. 'I just want to be with her but I can't.'
Before I can hold them back a massive flood of tears floods my eyes and spills over in no time. Suddenly I'm bending over,slide down the doorframe, breaking down and crying like a little baby until violent sobs are shaking my whole body.
Even Vy's presence doesn't matter enough to controll my feelings. I just let it all go.
Then she gets lifted up and I freeze.
"Is a parent or legal guardian here with her to go with us to the hospital?"
I want to go with her to make sure she's okay, to support her and find out how the baby is doing. For a second I look at my superior who chooses to ignore me and know that I have to stay put in order to protect everybody.
The feeling of helplessness tugs on my insides but I try to ignore it.
Jeran doesn't help when he tells Vy, not me, to meet them there because Ky would want her. I'm the father for crying out loud, not her. I should be going with her.
The worst is the look on my girl friends face when she gets carried past me with tears streaming down her face. Nobody knows exactly why she's crying but I'm pretty sure it's not because of the pain from her head wound.
To see her like this and not being allowed to touch her and kiss her to somehow ease her pain but stand there as if I barely knew her makes something inside of me crack. It's almost a physical pain that I feel deep down. I'd never known I'm capable of somuch regret and hurt until I saw her being carried away from me.
O'Rourke suddenly blocks my vision and cold as ice tells me.
"Matthew. Go home, take some time to calm down; I'm going to handle the father."
What do I care about the father now.
My eyes find his but I'm not even sure if I care.
In a weird daze I nod.
"Yes, sir."
Then their gone. The door closes. The sirens start up again, the engine roars, then the street and with it the Ruze home falls silent.
My back is pressed against the same door frame I've been standing on for the past 15 minutes. And still I can't move. I feel like I've just been torn into a thousand little shreds because from now on I will not interact with Kyanite, I will not and comfort her, I will not see her, hold her kiss her or even show anybody that I know her. I will not see the first pictures of my baby, nor will I ever hold him or her in my arms.
My breaths become unsteady, shallow, labored as I feel my knees get weak. Yet I force myself to keep standing up.
A voice behind me tears me out of my thoughts.
"What happened with Corporal?"
I had completely forgotten about Vy still being here. She makes me jump a little. But right now I don't want to talk to her or explain anything.
I don't even look at the girl. Instead I turn away from her. But where do I go? Do I sit down? Leave? Talk to her? Run away? maybe still follow Ky to the hospital no matter what the cost?
"Are you not going to the hospital?" I ask but half way through my words my throat tightens so much that I well up.
'Fuck! Fuck all this shit! Fuck the damn academy!' Is all I can think. 'I just want to be with her but I can't.'
Before I can hold them back a massive flood of tears floods my eyes and spills over in no time. Suddenly I'm bending over,slide down the doorframe, breaking down and crying like a little baby until violent sobs are shaking my whole body.
Even Vy's presence doesn't matter enough to controll my feelings. I just let it all go.
