Boredom=Unacceptable. ~open~

"Where I want it, huh?" She pursed her lips as she thought about it. If it was on her arms, sooner or later someone was going to see it. That was what she wanted. She could get it on her stomach, or on her legs, because no one ever saw either. She would probably be too embarrassed to let him see her like that, too. She could easily count her ribs. Not a something she was proud of. Anyway, she was going to attempt to let the old her show. She wanted everyone to see that she wasn't the meek little do-gooder anymore. She was who she was. Yes, she would keep helping people out. Yes, she would keep trying to keep her family from starvation. But no longer would she watch the ground with averted eyes.

She should be proud of herself. She had survived, and she had drug her parents with her. So many she saw that gave up the fight, surrendered to oblivion. She wasn't one of them, and she wouldn't be. She had seen to that, and would continue to do so. "I want it somewhere where people will see it." She nodded her head. "I've spent a lot of years trying to be the perfect daughter, doing things for everyone else. This is for me. I'm not going to be able to change who I am, or to stop doing what I do every day, but I want to be able to say that I did something purely for selfish reasons. I know it's probably strange, but it's what I want. I would like for everyone else to know it, too. That I can think for myself, even if it's something they wouldn't agree on. Something they wouldn't do themselves."

Maybe they would see her in a different light? They had probably forgotten what an outspoken and arrogant child she had been. She had been headstrong and stubborn. She thought that at some point, she had forgotten that, too. Maybe she had wanted to, so she did. Looking at Adam, though, who was so true to himself, and so content with who he was. Even though he was lonely, it was easily fixed by offering her a meal. When he looked in a mirror, or saw his reflection passing a piece of glass, was he ashamed of who he was? No, probably not. Yet, she was so disappointed in herself, and in her appearance, that she hid herself away behind her hair and her baggy clothes. Why be disappointed when she was alive?

"Yeah, I think I can live with that. As long as your second idea is as good as your first." She said with a smile and raising her eyebrows back at him, and a definite spring in her step. Who knew that a chance meeting would change the way she saw her life? How she lived her life. It was fortuitous and amazing.

"On my back? Why would you put one on my back?" She asked, quite puzzled. "I'll never be able to see it." Chloe fought the urge to pout. "Well, if that is what you want to do, but I would like my first one to be somewhere that I can see it, whenever I want." She nodded her head determinedly. "It's not just going to be a picture to me, but a representation of the time I got to spend with you." She pursed her lips for a moment. He really did have a nice smile, she thought to herself. She thought that was the first real one that she had seen come from him. She liked the thought that she had put it there. He seemed a lot happier than at the time when they had ran into each other at the butcher shop. Maybe she had made his day a little better, like he had for her. She liked the thought.

Speaking of which, or thinking it really, how far was it to his house? Did he really walk all this way every time he needed something? Just to voice her thoughts, she couldn't help but speak up yet again. " How far is it to your house?" She realized that her feet were aching still, and now her calves were burning. They had conversed, or rather she had, for quite some time, and her stomach was cramping with the thought of getting to tear into that food. She hadn't had anything to eat this morning, though she could have if she had thought about it. It would have been a biscuit or the like, but it would have been something. "I don't want to complain, but we have been walking a while."

She looked around, bewildered. She didn't think she had been to this part of the District before. It didn't surprise her though, she normally stuck to what she knew, and who she knew. It was amazing that she had agreed to this at all. It makes one think on how far someone will go to appease a need. All this walking was wearing her out, but her malnutrition might have played a part in that. Well, a big part. She was sweating, so she lifted up the hem of her shirt to wipe off her brow, bending low to keep from showing too much skin. With a shrug, and putting into account her new perspectives, she tied the shirt into a knot on her right side. With a grin she looked over and caught sight of her own reflection. She really was dreadfully skinny. Why did she hide it in public though? There were virtually no people who weren't. She needed only to hide it from her parents. So she would unwind the shirt when she got home.

"Oh, thank goodness." She plopped down straight on the floor and took off her shoes. "My legs were getting tired and these shoes... If you can call them shoes." She lifted one up to show him how thin it was. "My feet are killing me." She said with a chuckle. Her curiosity got the better of her and she stood up, shoes in hand. "You have a much nicer house than I do." She really wasn't surprised. "So where do you practice your art? When can you do a drawing of it?" She looked at him with raised eyebrows. She couldn't wait to get started. "The bumble-bee I mean." She knew she was talking non-stop but she never could stop even when she realized it.

Now that she was here, she was so excited. When she realized that he hadn't answered her, she turned to look at him. He didn't look as happy as he did earlier. Now that they were here, had he changed his mind? She was confused. "You do still want to right?" She felt the frown on her face. He had set the meat down, and was just standing there. Had she said or done something wrong? Maybe he did care that she rambled but he was just too nice to say anything otherwise.

She lifted up her feet one by one to rub them, they had already been throbbing at the store, now they were screaming at her. She wondered if it would be too presumptuous to sit on the chair. If it was, she would sit back on the floor. She was afraid to say anything else, for fear that he would tell her to get out. While the prospect of food was enticing, the thought of having him ply his own unique trade on her skin was exciting. She had been so looking forward to it... The whole walk up here had been pleasant, he had been talking a little, but mostly listening. Now, she could almost feel the air drop a couple degrees. He was no longer acting as though he wanted her here at all. Why was that? Only one way for her to find out.

"What have I said or done? Why the sudden change? If you changed your mind about the meal that's fine, I can figure something else out. I just hope you didn't change your mind about the other thing...I was really looking forward to it." She stated, voicing her thoughts. She wasn't going to be able, or even willing to try to force him to keep his promises, but if he didn't after getting her hopes up, this would be the last day she spent with him.

Did that make her sad? Yes, yes it did, she realized. If that was the case, she wanted to know the reason behind it. She crossed her arms and waited for his answer. He usually answered when she managed to stop talking and he could get an edge in else wise. Did he not realize that she never talked to anyone? That she wasn't this comfortable around even her own parents? She fervently wished that it wasn't about to end so abruptly.

When the silence persisted Chloe shuffled her feet, looking down at the floor. She wouldn't run from this. Not this situation and not this man. One thing she had never done was back down. She raised her head, and found herself staring resolutely at the back of his. He was taking so long to answer. How long would she wait before leaving? The door wasn't that far away, but she found that she couldn't make her feet move in that direction. She longed to make right what she had done wrong, she just wished he would tell her what. How was she to know? She went over what she had said in her head, but nothing came immediately to mind. Finally he spoke up, and Chloe released a breath she did not realize she had been holding.

"I am sorry." Were the first words he spoke. So she wasn't mistaken, there had been something wrong. He had misinterpreted something she had said? Well, whatever did she say that could be misconstrued? She shook her head and chuckled. "It's okay as long as we're okay." She gave a little hop as he led her to where he did his work. He drew out an extremely detailed design for a bumblebee. She reached her hand out to touch it but pulled it back. She didn't want to mess it up. This was going to be on her? A part of her forever? She blushed when she thought back on why he had chosen that design. This was just for her. It looked almost alive, like it was about to lift off the floor and fly away. She bit her lip as a tear welled up in her eye. It was beautiful. She loved it. She knew he was still talking, but she couldn't take her eyes off the picture in front of her. 

He had started a fire, and she lifted her eyes to it. The shadows had made the bumblebee look like it was in flight. Would it look like that when it was on her skin? If she moved through the light shining down through the tree tops? It could never match the ever-changing beauty of a fire. She closed her eyes and tilted her face toward the flames. Even though it was warm and humid  outside, nothing beat the warmth of a fire to Chloe. It dried the sweat on her brow, and made light dance behind her eyelids. When she opened them, the spots of light danced still before her eyes. She rubbed them as she stood up and made her way to Adam. "I absolutely love it." She said with as much sincerity as she could put in her voice. "I can't wait to get it done. It's going to hurt a lot isn't it?" She had to ask, even though she couldn't even pretend to be afraid. There was a distinct difference between expected and unexpected pain. When you knew it was coming, you could brace yourself for it. Since there was nothing else to do at the moment, she watched him make the meal they were to share, but she found her eyes constantly drifting to the picture etched so wonderfully in ashes as it flickered in her peripheral vision. 

She watched as the animation came to life once more in his eyes, if not in his face. She didn't think he realized just how much of himself shone through. He had learned how to school his features, and if anyone wasn't paying particular attention, they would have missed the swell of pride at her words. She smiled slowly at the reaction. She was glad to have evoked that in him, though if she were honest, it hadn't really been on purpose. He really was good, and if the practice wasn't so taboo, he would have probably made a decent living at it. If he had been born in District 2 for example, things like this were probably more common. Tattoos and the like, she thought with a sigh. She couldn't get a tattoo, but this was as close to one as she would ever get, and he actually wanted to do it.

He was such a sweet man, as much as he tried to play aloof and uncaring. Chloe could see his loneliness, and no one with such a desire to fill the emptiness really wanted to be alone. He just didn't know how to share himself with others. With a shrug at her inner thoughts, since they would do neither of them any good, she shoved them away. She decided instead to focus on how he was cooking the food. With the blood all over the place, she wondered how he could see where he was cutting, but said nothing as the chunks of meat went into the pan. With the salt and pepper and carrots, Chloe's mouth was already watering before he managed to even put the pan over the fire. She sat down beside the fire and watched him flip the meat over so that no one side got over-cooked. The smell was heavenly.

He had answered her question, honestly and to the point. He hesitated, and it made her wonder if it even hurt him anymore. While she agreed that it would be worth it, and her mind was set. "Well, even if it hurts like hell, I'm still going through with it." She said with a nod and placed her elbows on her knees, and her head in her hands. It was the perfect position in which to watch him. Not just the concentration on his face, but the burns that reflected in the firelight. So that is what it will look like? The lines so smooth that she couldn't resist reaching out a hand and running her finger down the length of one solid straight line.

Bewildered at her own boldness, she jerked her hand back and blushed. "I...I'm sorry. Don't know why I did that.." She managed to stutter out as she turned her head away. She didn't want to see the look on his face. Would he be angry? Outraged that she had presumed to touch him without his permission. She was afraid to know. As if not looking at him would keep that answer at bay, she kept her eyes firmly on the fire.

Chloe could feel her cheeks and eyes burning. She couldn't tell whether it was from the heat of the fire or from the embarrassment and the tears building. In a moment that followed her touching Adam, she couldn't believe her own audacity. Whatever had possessed her to do such a thing? Despite the pain of holding back the tears, she refused to embarrass herself further by indulging herself by crying. Finally everything had gone back to being perfect between them, and she had ruined it by her lack of willpower. She continued to stare at the fire, no longer distracted by the smell or sight of the food in front of her. She could almost feel his eyes on her. Yes, she knew he was quiet, it was actually one of the things she liked about him. She could try and figure out what was going on inside his head, and the thoughts were far more entertaining and amusing to her than her own musings of her life. Right now though, his silence was terrifying.


He got up and returned, and Chloe's eyes followed his movements, never alighting on his face. He had put something on the meat that stung her nose pleasantly. She knew the smell of lemons, but had never had the pleasure of having lemon juice. What did his parents do? Where were they? She couldn't help but wonder what would happen if they walked in on their son entertaining a guest. They probably wouldn't be that surprised. They were apparently lenient with him. They were doing better than her own parents, and she felt a pang of jealousy. With the whole episode, and this whirlwind of thoughts going around and around in her head, the passage of time seemed to stretch forever. In reality, it most likely wasn't that long. Yet, in all that time, Adam had said nothing. The silence almost broke her. She decided to take a glance at his face. As she was steeling herself, she took a deep breath.


It was let out all at once when she felt his hand on hers. "Oh." She heard herself say softly. His hand was slightly rough, and she shivered as his fingers curled around her hand. It wasn't an unpleasant shiver. She raised her eyes slowly, following their hands as he set it against his arm. It was almost right where she had traced it. She found the skin on his arm to be warmed by the fire, and soft to the touch. The burns were grooved into his skin, smooth and shining. She guessed that he was without words, giving her the okay to touch him. The thought brought her tears just a little closer to the surface. She scooted with her free arm closer to him. Her eyes flickered to his face before settling back on his arm. She bit her lower lip as she continued her exploration of his designs. This time she slid all of her fingers down, feeling each one take a different path in a different line carved with fire from his flesh. It was so much to take in, and she was deeply absorbed in the task. It was absolutely fascinating. Even when she had her own, she felt with confidence that she would do the same. It wouldn't be nearly as exciting as getting to touch him though she was sure. She was amazed that he would allow her to do so. Surely no one else had ever done this. She felt special. Without looking up, she whispered, "Thank you." It was thanks for so much more than just the privilege of touching him, but for the whole day that he had given her. She hoped he realized that. 

He was so quiet. Chloe watched the fire dance in his eyes as he searched the flames. For what? She wondered. Who was she to question him? After a few moments, she felt the muscles in his arm flex. It was an interesting sensation to feel them slide beneath his skin and my eyes follow the ripple. He had bunched his hand into a fist. That alone was enough for her to pull her hand back with a questioning look. "No problem" He had said. No, he didn't understand that the one sentence that she had managed to utter was so much more than just thanks. It was gratitude. True, undeniable gratitude. She scooted herself back and watched him get the food off of the fire. Even with a shirt between his hand and the pan, it had to be hot. Her eyes hadn't left his face, so she saw that he felt no real pain. She would suppose not.

She let her eyes wander over him as he dished out the food. Her stomach cramped, but with hunger or anxiety she would never know. He sent out such mixed signals. With a small smile she accepted her plate. For a moment she just looked at it, then looked at him. "Thank you." She said firmly, letting him know that only now was she thanking him for the meal. She took a small bite of the meat and let it sit on her tongue. It tasted so good. She chewed slowly and swallowed. "I'm glad you cooked it. It definitely wouldn't have come out tasting so good if I had." She said with a self-effacing chuckle.

"I wanted you to know..." She paused trying to make sure she said what she wanted to say in a way that couldn't be misconstrued. She looked back down at the meal, not wanting to be looking at him while she said it. "I am truly thankful for what you have given me today. Not just the food, even though that was why I came in the first place, but for your company. Your kindness, your generousness, your time. I thought to myself earlier that just being around you, just for a little while, was making me a better person. I've always been so ashamed of the way I look, of the way I have acted in the past, and of how I've buried that part of myself to be accepted. I'm not asking you to do this for me to be a rebel, or to show off, but to bring a little bit of my past self back to the surface. So when I said thank you, it was a thank you for being...you." That being said, she took a deep breath and took a bite of her carrot. It was infused with the flavor of the meat and just as delicious. "You really are a good cook."