Working through some issues (Marr)

"Are you happy... or disappointed?" I hear him ask as I stare around this room that's been redone for his daughter. There's nothign in here in this room. No color. No decorations nor furniture. It might take a little longer until it's all the way finished, what with the dust and lack of things, but the intention is that it'll belong to Mira. He wants to be a part of her world and thus, making me a part of it as well beyond her birth.

"Happy, Matthew. Definately happy...." I say and wipe away a stray tear, trying to get my emotions back into check as I walk away from him and touch one of the walls with my hands and look out the window that's caked with dust. I wipe my finger across it, making marks on it and writing out the word 'MIRA' in a small part of the corner of the window. I turn to him, thanking him for thinking of me, but something else is suppose to come out to be asked. I look at him as he wipes away at his eye again and that guilt is still there.

"We should probably talk about how we're going to live when she is born. All I know is that I can't be under my fathers roof anymore. I want this to be my home."

I nod my head a few times, and turn toward him, leaning against the wall, placing my hand over my belly. Activity from Mira makes me try to feel her on my stomach, but I don't feel anything except the flutter inside.

"I don't know, Matthew. I mean... I'll bring her over whenever you want to see her?" I'm curious how he'll take it, and wondering if he'll come over to my place as well to stay.

"I figured that, if you want to you and Mira can stay here with me, or I could come to your house, if you're comfortable there."

"For the first week or so, will you stay with me at my place?" I get a bit hopeful that he'll actually want to stay with me right after Mira is born. A moment later he wheezes out with his breath and sits down uncerimoniously which suddenly makes me feel a bit scared as he looks a bit pained for some reason. I go over to him, and get to my knees in front of him, looking him over. Is he sick or is something else wrong?

"Matthew?" I question him.

"Do you want to live with me, Kyanite?" The question comes out of nowhere and something that I wasn't expecting. I'm sure he can see the shocked look on my face, whereas maybe he was expecting to see me light up and hug him like most would when asked that question. This is a different scenario all together. I'm expecting his child, of course, but to live with him? The question floats around in my head.

"Matthew... I don't know what to say. Honestly. I mean, what would Jeran say? I'm still under his care until I'm eighteen. Am I allowed...." This has to be the one, most single hardest thing I've had to deal with. What about my own home? The house I was raised in? Mira's room that we've already gotten together. My memories of my mother is in that house. To move in with Matthew though? Lose everything over there... to move in with Matthew. For some reason, the question is foreign to me and it, for once, instills a bit of fear into me.

"You don't have to ask me to stay here... if you really don't want me to. I know that you want to get out of your father's house and create a place for yourself. I don't want to intrude... I will bring Mira over as much as you want, you know that." Where am I going with this? I don't want to take away something from him that he wants to himself and he's never wanted me to live with him before. He's always just talked about it being 'his' and now he's wanting to share it? "I'm really honored to be asked Matthew, but are you sure you want me to? I would love to, but only if you really want me to?"

I'm giving him another chance at freedom cause I'm terrified what that'll do for myself. What will living with him do? What kind of life will that give me? Mira? If I lived with him, there wouldn't be no more Jeran and Vy and Brooklyn to wake up to. No more house that holds good and bad memories. How will Jeran react if I tell him that I'm moving out? "When are you going to let me help with this place?" I question him, giving him a smile. "Can't do all the work yourself... share the chores."

"Your not intruding. I asked you on my own free will." That's right. He did. I know for a fact he did because his father isn't about to go telling him to own up to his fatherly duties because that's the last thing his father wants him to do. He didn't bring it upon Matthew's shoulders to ask me to live with him or for him to start making this place into a livable solution. He did ask and the fear got the better of me, I know that, too.

I'm scared of tomorrow.

I'm getting more worried with each passing day.

"I wouldn't ask if I didn't think it was a good idea." Even though we just had a fight and are trying to get back to normal terms, I think he's being truthful. Renovating a room for Mira and myelf to stay in. It's all too surreal and I'm having a hard time wrapping my mind around it all. Though, I see hurt in Matthew's eyes. What did I do?

"Just think about it. Consider what's best for you and her. I'm good with both." I want Mira to have everything. I also wonder what it'll do to her to have to keep going back and forth from house to house. Wouldn't she want to see both parents at the same time? Despite us not being married, living in the same house would provide each other with the help that'll be needed with a new baby. Maybe, what he's offering will be good?

A moment after he asked me to consider it, he gets up and comes over to me, hugging me. I bring my arms around him and listen to him talk about being in her life. The way he's talking about it and how he mentions what his mother did, I realize that it is something more for him asking me to live with him. This is personal and something he really wants to do. I nod into his chest until he kisses me on the forehead.

"You know, Matthew... I think you may be right." I give him a smirk. "And this is the only time you'll hear that from me." I give him a bigger grin and lean up to kiss his lips quickly.

"What you said about being in her life and stuff... you're right. She needs both of us and I know it'll be hard to go from house to house. I was scared when you brought it up, so please.. don't be upset with me. I've never lived anywhere but my own place, ya know?" I take a breath and look him in the eyes. "You have changed, Matthew. I can hear it in your voice. I see it in this room... you are not the same person I thought I fell in love with. You're more than that now."

Mira's presence is making itself known with tiny movements that makes me stay still a moment before I reach for Matthew's hand and bring it to my stomach, positioning it just to the right of my bellybutton and a little bit higher. "Can you feel her?" I wait to hear him. "She likes her new room..."

I grin at him when the movement keeps continueing. "... is that offer still available? I would love to live here with you and Mira."