arx's trash tbh

i'd keep you safe, i'd keep you dry

don’t be afraid, Cedric

I set my jaw when the words come out of my mouth—"Don't talk about your mother like that."—making sure he can see in my eyes that I mean it. But I don't sound convicted to the phrase. Not the way I used to be. So much of Poppy is there within his eyes, within the way his words slice like other people's skin was butter to scalding knife.

But I don't let myself speak again until all the bitter thoughts of my ex-wife have left my mind.

(I let my thumb drift over my old words, all inlay across thick pages wrinkled and weathered by time. I smile at so, so many of them; I love Cedric so much.

And there was a time when I loved her, too. It's so clearly written here—

'…not suffering too much. Everyone says that means our second one will be hell. Oh, and don't tell your mother I…'

—in the words and between the lines.)

And then I sigh.

Cedric has always been intelligent. More than me and even more than Poppy. I watched words pour from his mouth in perfectly stringed sentences when he was just over 3 years old, his mind finding beauty in things that weren't always perfect, learning to love an art more intricate than even the one I claimed as my own.

And despite my my bitter thoughts toward why he'd snuck himself onto the train would probably always be there, I'd found myself prideful. Cedric was always going to be okay. Despite the world we're living in.

"But I did want to tell you something," I say, choosing my words carefully, yet genuinely. My son doesn't like being lied to. "Well, ask." Or told what to do, either.

I'm not worried.

(…my baby. You're my son. No getting out of this one, alright?…I'll always be here for you. Even when you don't need me anymore. I'll be there. And your…)

I'm so proud of him.

"So the training center," It's difficult not to despise the way Panem has to destroy even the best communities. And so the words come out a bit more spiteful than I had hoped. I should've practiced this speech beforehand with Chrys. "Justice's."


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i'm the satellite

and you're the sky