you don't wanna be high like me} {Astrid v Nell Day 7

Boom. The world was spinning, a mess of light and flurrying colour twirling around her as if Astrid could suddenly see how fast the world was turning. A roaring- the sound of the wind flying past her ears at break neck speed- filled her ears as the world turned, spinning at a million miles an hour, never ceasing to pause. Not even for a moment. The girl blinked, trying to gain sense of it all but the colour and the light blurred together into a plethora of colours and bright burning white light; it was like something you’d see- boom- on a child's painting in which the paint had been hastily thrown onto the paper all at once and then some glitter to make it all the more garish. The girl gasped for breath stumbling against the turn of the world beneath her feet but the world stole her breath away.

Blinking again, finally the world began to slow. The blur of colour and light was slowly settling back to normal, the roaring in her ears scarcely lingered as the world came into view. Another blink- boom- and Astrid could see her hands tightly knitted around her spear, the head of which glistened ruby red in the light of the afternoon sun. She blinked, again, and she could see each individual pearl droplet of blood, dripping from the tip of the spear and into the murky water which sloshed about the reeds of grass that grew from within the- boom- earth. Another blink and Astrid froze, afraid to look up from her weapon at the girl she had once called Nell.

Boom.

She looked up, slowly. Her gaze shifted, hesitantly as her stomach sunk even further. Her heart thumped against her rib cage, giving away to the occasional boom inside her skull. Her blue eyes followed the trail of long, pale legs, bruised and scarred from the week of battles. They follow the blood stained shirt which hung loosely around the silver blondes torso, torn and ruined by the pain they’d left in their wake. And then- boom- they traced themselves to the blue eyed gaze for a moment before they were quickly drawn to the substantial amount of blood- the same blood that coated her spear- bubbling from the deep wound on her neck.

“...Nell…” the blonde let out a gasp, part sob, as her gaze held on the river of blood which slipped down the girl's neck. Boom. “NELL!” Her sorrowful exclamation of the girls name quickly turned into a scream as the girl began to crumble to the floor; it all happened in slow motion like time was now a trickling stream of water, steadily making its way to the ocean. The blue eyed girl moved too, bounding the short distance between them in an attempt to stop the fall but when Nell Locke’s body crashed into the ground, - boom- Astrid stumbled and dropped to her knees beside her.

For a moment, the girl didn’t know what to do. Her wide eyes were transfixed on the blood which drained from the girls various wounds, mainly the one on her neck- boom- which creating a river of red against the pale landscape of the girls skin. Her breathing hitched, sudden guilt washing over her in realisation as to what she had done. The blonde was shaking, quivering in the shadow of her crime, fearful of the shadow that loomed over Nell Locke’s body; the shadow that was here to try and take her away. Boom. Astrid let out a choked sob, fresh tears welling in her eyes, threatening to spill down her cheeks.

What have I done?

The moment of shock passed and Astrid suddenly found her hands clamping down on the deep gouge in Nell’s neck, her hands shivering in fear as they pressed down- boom- in a desperate attempt to stop the bleeding. It appeared to be no use, deep down the little girl knew that Nell was slipping away just as the blood seeped through her fingers, bubbling up from deep within her heart, her soul, only to be spilt out into hell. Despite desolate outcome, Astrid continued to put pressure on the wound- boom- her gaze locked onto her bloody hands before they flittered to Nell’s blue eyes and held her gaze.

She was crying.

“Don’t worry Nell!” Astrid spoke quickly, continuing to try save her lost friend, her hands clamping down harder on the wound as a brow formed on her brow as her own tears began to stream down her cheeks. “I’ll…” her tongue tumbled over her ragged sobs as she tried to think of how to make this better. Her thoughts fluttered about her head, fallen little birds trapped inside a dark cage. Just like Nell and her. Her eyes searched Nell’s face for the answer desperately, praying that perhaps her hope would be found there “I’ll fix you up! Okay? I’ll fix you up...just like before”

Astrid hands moved quickly- boom- quaking in desperation as her fingers fumbled with the latch of her backpack. Her eyes searched the deep hollowness of the bag, her hands burrowing deep inside in attempt to find something, to find anything. She needed Nell to speak, she needed Sol to direct her, she needed Atticus to give her a reassuring nod that she was doing something right for once but they weren’t here. She needed her family, she needed them more like never before and they had fallen away from her. Boom. The boys had vanished, abandoned her. Abandoned them both in the middle of the night. Now Nell Locke was vanishing too, she was slipping through her fingers like sand on a beach.

Her hands shook as she pulled the last of the bandages she owned from her bag. “I got bandages Nell! I can fix you up! We can win to-”- boom- she turned back to her friend, her eyes filled with tears, stopping mid sentence to see that Nell had moved. Astrid’s blue eyes became transfixed on Nell’s hand as it weakly extended to her, clutching something in her grasp. The girl’s heart twisted painfully as she noticed what Nell was holding. A rounded shaped egg, neatly clasped between her bloody fingers. Astrid swallowed the lump in her throat, managing to crack a hopeless smile as she spoke “...Eggie…”

Setting down the bandages to her side, she carefully took the ‘egg’ from the losing girl's grasp. She cradled it, looking down as the ‘egg’ gently rocked against the palm of her hands. Boom. Suddenly the smooth dark surface became speckled with a single dot, the girl blinked and a second drop caught the edge of the egg, rolling down its side before settling in her hands. Tears fell softly from the girl's eyes as she clutched the egg close to her chest. Her lip twitched, quivering as she tried to keep the sobs at bay. Deep down she was sure she knew what this meant, but her willingness to accept- boom- that fact was obsolete.

She could feel the cracks in her little bubble cracking, one more moment and her world would shatter.

Boom.

“..I’ll look after him Nell, don’t you worry” Astrid replied to a question left unsaid. Setting the egg down she looked at her friend “But first I am going to look after you okay??” Her brow furrowed when the platinum blonde didn’t reply, her eyes flittering over the girl's body to find her chest slowly rising and falling with each trying breath. Astrid’s jaw set hard, anger almost threatening to bubble over as there was a lack of response. Boom. “Nell.” She snapped, scooping up the blonde in her hands, cradling her in her arms, looking down at her with a stern frown “Nell Answer Me!”

She’s lost Astrid. No. Boom. I can save her.

Astrid clutched the girl close to her, her brow still furrowed as she gazed down at Nell Locke’s gentle face. She found her thumb brushing at the girl's cheek, wiping away the trails of tears which flowed from the girls crystal blue eyes. She let out a shaky sob, pulling the girl closer to her still. “Nell please…” she begged, her voice straining with a sob which rattled from her chest. She inhaled sharply- boom- as a thousand thoughts flurried through her mind. Apologies. Curses. Pleas. She wanted to say them all but she could barely form words on her chapped lips.

“Nell please…” her voice-boom- shivered in worry “Please, I am so sorry...but I promise I’ll make you better, I’ll get you home Nell. Just don’t lose just yet..please...I’m begging you...I didn’t mean to shout...please I’m sorry” She was apologising as if they would heal her friend, she knew they wouldn’t. “Please..just stay with me...please don’t sleep...Sol still has so many stories to tell us! Wouldn’t you like to hear Sol’s stories again?” The blonde’s eyes twinkled at the distant prospect of hearing those tales again- boom- but the stars were quickly filled with a river, tears streaming down her cheeks.

“Please Nell.” Astrid said through gritted teeth, desperate for the girl to say something as she brushed the hair which clung to Nell’s tear and blood stained cheeks. Boom. Her voice quieted, reducing to nothing but a whisper as she caught Nell’s gaze again, refusing to withdraw her own from those saphire blue eyes. “Please….” She begged, whimpering as she paused, clutching at the girl’s in hopes that was enough to protect her from the shadow which loomed over them “I need you Nell…”

“I need-”


The canon shot ricocheted through the air, rocking Astrid to her core as the sound erupted from nothingness. Like a bullet, the sound pierced through her chest, tearing through the flesh and bone. The sound cut through her heart as if it were nothing, it’s beating ceasing for a moment as the sound of the canon tore through her like a thunderclap on a summer's eve. The sound left Astrid breathless, gasping for the air which surrounded her so fruitfully. She gulped down air as the noise left a ringing in her ears, her hands grasping at Nell’s body tightly.

“Nell…?” She spoke cautiously, after a long moment of pause, her eyes searching that blue eyed gaze for something that wasn’t there anymore. “Nell?” She croaked, shaking her gently, progressively getting more desperate as she tried to rouse the girl from her sleep. Her breathing quickened, her whole body shivered as her attempts of waking the angel girl proved to be all in vain. The desperation became apparent in her voice as the words strained to echo from her chest “NELL?! NELL! WAKE UP NELL! PLEASE! WAKE UP! WAKE UP! IT WAS ONLY MEANT TO BE A GAME!!”

And like that, the bubble that Astrid had been so protected by, sheltered in the darkest of moments of her life, shattered into a thousand pieces. Her little cage sudden burst, allowing those ambiguous shades of grey to become so much more stark and defined, reality flooding in with it. Just like the realisation that this was now more than just a game, it had never really been a game at all. Astrid had been so blinded by the world that she’d been trapped in that she had failed to see the actuality of the Games, she hadn’t been able to see that this was not child's play.

The reality of what had happened washed over her, like crashing waves it drowned her the painful truth of what had happened. The kids from District 1? Dead. The boy named Andesite? Dead. The girl with red hair from 4? Also Dead. Thirteen others, Dead. At the hands of her alliance and others.

Astrid paused, staring down at Nell’s peaceful hollow gaze for a long moment-

Nell Locke?

Dead.

All because of her.

- And then she howled. From her chest erupted a loud wretched cry, as she turned her head to the sky to allow the sound to travel towards the sky. Her broken scream cursed at Ripred, cursed him to hell for allowing Nell Locke to die. When her lungs could force no air she gulped in more air, only to let out another broken cry as if she was a wounded animal calling for help but she wasn’t calling anyone for help. It was far too late for that. Too late for the help she had needed to save Nell Locke, but Nell Locke had been lost a long time ago. The very day they met, on the roof top. ("Hello..." she spoke softly, taking one step towards the girl, pausing in her train of speech as her mind began to put itself back to work "Are you...an angel?").

Another breath, and Astrid Shaw realized she could scream no more as a sob rattle from within her chest. Tears soaked her cheeks as she pulled Nell closer to her, collapsing over the sleeping angel’s body, cradling her tightly in her arms refusing to let go. Shaking, sobbing, Astrid pressed her forehead against that of Nell’s, her eyes clamping shut tightly as she shook with the weight of the loss of her friend, her guardian angel, her… she couldn’t think of the words as she held Nell Locke close to her, sobbing into her hair, feeling her cool body against the her hands as she carefully caressed the girl's cheek, brushing the drying tears which lingered there on skin which had once been so full of life.

A life she had taken away. It had only been a matter of time before the demon inside Astrid stole Nell’s sole for his keeping. A fallen angel and a lost demon, friends, but nothing more. Life would have not allowed that unity of pureness and hellish nature; it was a life that Astrid had been shadowed from for so long that she now felt more lost than ever. Without Nell to guide her, she had no way of finding her way. Without Nell, she was truly broken.