Deceptive Love | {shxta}

Everything was happening so fast. Way to fast. He was interested. The feeling in my chest was like a fourteen year old girl when she sees her 'one true love'. It was unreal what I was feeling. What's weird about it is, is it seems like I've always known Spear. But to the contrary, the entire feeling is just based on physical appeal at this point. We don't know each other, but that doesn't change the fact that I want to know every single detail about him.

The fact is, is he wanted it to go somewhere, he said so. Unless I imagined it, which is possible. "No, no. That's exactly how I feel. I'm really happy with where this is going. I mean, I'm not a man of many words, and I don't know what to say," I'm rambling, "I just.."

I wasn't sure what I was planning on saying. I didn't have anything else to say. I just wanted him to feel like I was more confident than I was. I wasn't doing a good job at that.

Now there was nothing left to do but wait. This was going somewhere, and Spear was in the drivers seat.




kap

I knew I was the type of person to avoid people. But I didn't know that when I couldn't bring myself to avoid them, I'd jump in full force. Today has been really crazy.

"I do think everything is happening really fast, yes, but I kind of like it," I said, "We go as fast as we go." One thing I really liked about Spear, was he allowed me to be me. I spend my life adjusting to what other want from me, but Spear is trying to make me comfortable. It's kind of a role reversal on my part. Is this who Spear is, some super nice guy. Or is it an act? The guy has to have flaws, right? We all do. But he is doing a good job at hiding them.


kap  - Sorry for shortness. I'm preoccupied.

Boyfriend, the word circulated through my mind like a hurricane. What does it mean? What does it entail? I started to dissect the word as if it were foreign and not understandable. Boyfriend. It's kind of an awkward word. It's strange to think, and say. It's uncomfortable on the lips, but soothing in the chest.

I want the question to settle for a second before I answer it. We walk forward in an agreed silence until we are standing in front of the clothing shop. He's still waiting on me. My mind is screaming out, but he can't hear that. He hears nothing but the sounds of the morning. The sun beats down on my sweating forehead, pushing for an answer. Pushing for a decision. It's an easy decision. I know my answer, but giving it pushes me into an entirely new world that I may not be suited for. It's time to be like Spear, and take a risk.

"Yes, I would like that." I said with a prolonged smile. 


kap

I hadn't told him that my aunt owned the clothing shop that we were standing in front of. Our journey was over. I just, didn't want to tell him that. But he asked how far the bakery was, which was where we just came from. It must of been a mix up. "We just came from the bakery," I laughed. I was putting off telling him we were standing in front of my destination. He should assume, we're not moving.

I decided to signal it to him instead of telling him directly and sighed. I looked into the windows of the store and saw my aunt knitting away. She had such a technique with the fabric. I wasn't nearly as good as her, but I was good. A good portion of the clothes in the store, I had made myself and nobody could tell the difference.

I looked into Spears eyes. I once again take in the beauty as I knew that we have to say goodbye. I've let him have control since I had met him, and I'll continue to do that. He gets to speak first. He gets to decide if we kiss. He was obviously worried about how little we knew each other, so I wasn't anticipating it, but I was hoping for it. Kind of a way to... seal the deal. "I really liked today, Spear."


kap

He responded, that he did. But I don't remember what he said. It left my mind when his lips touched my face. An impact that erupted in red across my cheekbones. He drew backwards and impulse said to pull him back. My hands grasped his arms and jerked him closer to me. Our lips touched, for just a moment. And then, I remembered who I was. I stopped.

With him still in my arms, I smiled. A smile that would be plastered onto my face for days. We had to see each other again. "I'm in the shop every Friday. Come see me."

I let go, and turned towards the shop, waiting for his goodbye.


kap