The Bloodbath

There is nothing more for me to do. With the announcement of my score, my face sours for a moment, thinking that I had done enough to at least earn me something higher, but alas, a four flashes across my body as I sit there in, sinking into the couch as Alphabet doesn’t do any better then I did.

I was hoping for the world, but the game makers knew how to skid that away from me, and at this point, I might as well have stepped off the pedestal as soon as I got into the arena. There was no point in me proving a point if I did not have the support that I needed to back me up. Mackenzie offered nothing, Jacinta had been awol most of the time since we had been here, and to be quite frank, Lazarus and Colt had been too preoccupied with other things to spend that much time with us.

I felt like this team was sinking in quicksand, and instead of pulling us up, they watched as sand flooded into our eyes, then ears, nose and mouth all respectively. Soon our screams became muffles, and then our cries became mute. It was like they knew something we didn’t, like we were going to be some of the first picked off. We were nothing like past sevens, that was very clear. It seemed like they had all the upmost faith in them after all, but when it came to us, nothing. A flat line that got louder with each minute passing.

We were as good as dead meat.

---

And so I retreated back to my room rather quickly that night.

After wiping tears from my eyes, I realized that this truly was my last night of freedom, which meant that the next, I would be thrust upon a new territory that I had no clue about. I would have to find a way to navigate it without much help, and clearly, I did not have the skills to do so. No one had spent the time here to show them to me, and while I knew how to navigate a forest, that did not mean the game makers would thrust us into such a place off a simple whim. After all, that was wishful thinking on my part. So my hand guided over the wall of buttons, some I memorized because they were able to bring me a certain amount of joy. With a couple of clicks, a forest had appeared on my wall, and instead of just toppling over in my bed, I sat there and just soaked in the sounds of what a forest sounded like.

Of course, it would never be the real thing, because the real thing did not exist here. I didn’t want it to exist here, because the forest didn’t have the best memories for me. I used it as a device to find my father, lurking behind trees in order to keep myself from being seen, and then when I finally found the right moment to step out, that is when I either froze or went through with it. It all just depended on how I was feeling that day. Every time I found him though, it was something different. A different woman, a different family, and a new look all to go with his horrible façade that he kept up. I hated seeing him, but what was worse was seeing the children that were with him. All of them looked like they hadn’t seen what would come, or they looked like they had already seen the demon that he was. Whatever it was, it made my blood boil.

Sometimes I wished I could have taken an axe to his face, but his life was not worth mine, even though it would have felt great slicing right through his torso. The feeling like a hot blade to butter, the sensation of separation; the zen of it all. It would have been a murder to remember, but not one that I wanted to commit. He would suffer, but it wouldn’t be on my terms. After all, he could have been suffering from what I knew.

Stories were only understood at face value anyway.

---

I ended up dozing off, and instead of sleeping soundly, I found myself hanging off an edge. Over that edge was my father, a foot on my hand, and his hand extended out. I screamed for a moment, not realizing that I was in this position because of him, but instead of listening to him any further, I did the one thing that I knew I shouldn’t have done.

I looked down.

I screamed again, realizing the staggering amount of corpses that adorned the bottom of the cavern. Faces I recognized, and faces that I didn’t, but all still had the same reaction. Utter fear and panic.

I looked back up at him, and through his pleas to let him save me, I saw the devilish smile that always lied behind that plastered smile on his face. It was always a lie, but he didn’t tell any of them that. No. Instead he fed them sweet nothings until they trusted him, and then he ripped the rug from right under them. He was a monster. There was no if ands or buts about it. However, it was too late for them to see it. He ravaged their lives, took what he needed from them, and then moved onto the next woman. He always claimed that the child was his gift to them, but that didn’t matter. A life was ruined, plain and simple. Hopes and dreams were now casted aside for an important life choice that the woman could not go back from. And even then, add on the fact that after twelve years, they would have to add to that worry because he simply couldn’t keep it in his pants.

And nothing would change.

So it was obvious what the next part of this dream was. Do I take his hand and follow him into the nightmare hell land that he obviously had waiting for me, or do I take the leap off the cliff and save myself from any more heartache? Truly it wasn’t a simple answer. Neither one would yield me the results I wanted, but since I was at an obvious disadvantage here, there was no way for me to get ahead of this anyway. It was a lose lose. A kobayashi maru that I had to choose from.

And so I looked him in the eyes as he cackled, and I let go.

---

I woke up in a cold sweat, running straight for the shower that was located in my room and dowsing myself in cold water before looking at myself in the mirror. I had no clue how much more time of freedom that I had, and to be quite honest, I didn’t think it mattered. My fate was sealed, and it was obvious that my sub conscious had already known this. I took long deep breaths before immersing myself in the shower once again and simply letting the water run onto my clothed body. I didn’t care, because at this point, this would probably be the last time I would feel something so luxurious on my body again. Whether it be water or cloth, I would never feel this again. At least, not for enjoyment, but for survival.

So I took a little extra time to just revel in it.

---

Leaving the room, I noticed that Alphabet had already been in the dining area enjoying a breakfast of sorts, I guess it was at least courteous of the capitol to feed us before they sent us off to our death. I wanted to indulge in more of what the capitol had to offer, but it was clear that my time was up. There was nothing more I could do in order to show that I was here for a good reason, and from the four that flashed around my head again and again, I knew that the people of panem would think the same thing. For the first time, they were not rooting for seven like they were for other districts. At least, I could assume that based on our low scores.

But only time would tell that much.

And so I grabbed a banana and a piece of chicken that looked like it had been smothered in some sort of egg sauce and ate it lightly as the stylists explained what was going to happen next. There had never been this much silence in the district seven apartment, but even I could tell that they were remised for having to send us in. While I wanted to question it. I wanted to beg them to find a way for us to get out of it, I knew that they wouldn’t risk their lives for the sake of ours. We were a means to an end. Our sacrifice meant that they could keep on living, and that was more important to them at this point, and while that broke my heart into millions of pieces, the necklace around my neck felt colder than usual.

I had almost forgotten that I had it.

I pulled it up to eye level and looked at it closely, a small stone, embossed in resin and mixed with other figs and parts of the forest to make a square. It was something that my mother had made for me for my twelfth birthday, something to remember her by if I had ever gone into the arena. The resin mustve been reacting to the cold air, as it felt like it was ice in my hands. I pulled it away from my chest and let it rest near the shirt that I was wearing, trying to not make eye contact with anyone besides Alphabet. Sure, we didn’t talk much, but we had a better understanding of each other more so than the stylists did. They were able to peg us for the opening ceremony, but that didn’t mean a thing truthfully. You could simply tell by looking at us that we were not the typical male and female tribute from seven. I was the fiery one, and he was the quiet one, which seemed to mirror past tributes before us. Jacinta and Mackenzie came to mind, but still, they were nowhere to be found.

If either of them were here, I would have punched them in the face.

---

But they weren’t, and it was clear that they weren’t going to show up. How could they say goodbye to people that they didn’t even no after all? They were probably back in their district, living the lives that they had earned. While we were here, getting adorned in god knows what in order to get ready for the ride of our lives. It would be our last sadly, and we would never get a chance to at least have them relay messages to our families. This was nothing new, I had to realize that. Before the 77th, district 7 never had a victor, or at least one that was relevant enough to come out every year for the games. So there was no one before them to give messages to their family. There was no one before them to care. There was no one before them to tell them that they loved them.

It might have been wishful thinking, it might have been something that I yearned for. Maybe Lex was right in that sense. That I was an idiot for coming into these games for a girl that I didn’t know. But still, in the back of my mind, I knew that this was the place for me. I was meant to die here, and if that was the case, then I would put on a show for the capitol to see.

If the wanted to see a monster, then that is what I would become.

Jacinta Salazar could eat her pretty little heart out.

---

We moved to the depths of the capitol, an underground tunnel waiting for us while Colt had taken me to the room where I would enter the arena from. I walked in, and the first thing I was met with was a costume that I hadn’t expected to see. A suit with a weird helmet, but adorned with that helmet was a crown of thorns. The metal boots, or at least that is what they looked like, had been shaped into heels, which felt heavy as I put them on. I was told the weight was in the sole of the shoe, so make sure to lead with my foot forward to get the best traction. I nodded as we slipped on the uniform together. A scarf was adorned as the final touch, and Colt had grabbed my token, the necklace I had come here with and placed it around my neck before putting the helmet on carefully.

For the first time, I felt like someone actually cared that I was going into the arena, but I could tell that he didn’t want to have a conversation about it. No. He just wanted to wish me off and then probably get back to what he needed to do in order to survive as well. I sighed for a moment, taking long breaths before stepping into the tube. It closed behind me as I turned around, Colt had already opened the door. With a somber smile, I waved goodbye to him, and he simply did the same before walking out of the room. The moment I began to rise, was the moment he left the room.

And then I saw nothing.

---

The sky was black, and my mind was in a trance. I had almost thought I was in a dream again, however, this dream seemed a little too vivid to be just that. My body felt light as I waited to fully rise through the tube. The glass came down and the heels had done a good job of keeping me on the plate. I knew what would happen if I had floated off, and while it was obvious that in this strange place, that floating might not have been a choice, that didn’t mean that they weren’t watching. No one was to get a fair advantage here. Period.

Everyone seemed to follow suit, and when the last tribute had come up through the tubes, I noticed that a timer had started.

60

60 things I wished I could have done differently in my life. There was nothing more I wanted then to go back and let Jenny Sycamore be in my position, however, I was not someone who quit, and while I knew the odds were against me, I had to figure out something. Anything in order to pull me through until I couldn’t be anymore.

However, what could I hold onto? After all, I was pretty much alone here now, except for the three other people I had aligned with. Even then, they were out of arms reach as well. There would be strength in numbers here, I knew that much, but first I had to get to them.

40

Forty things I hated. Forty reasons I wished my father was dead. Forty different outcomes, and then some because in the games, anything could happen. People came back from the grave, people survived on their last dying breath, hell, people killed others that were way out of their league. No matter what they had told me here, that was the truth of the games. Trust no one, just like I didn’t trust my father.

Its sad that it took me this long to realize this. I should have done so the moment I walked into the justice building. I should have noticed it the moment I got on the train. I should have noticed it standing in front of the game makers as I poured my heart and soul out to them. They didn’t care, the people at the justice building didn’t care, the people in the capitol didn’t care, and most importantly, my father probably didn’t care either.

That was the breaking point.

20

Twenty ways I wished I could have killed my father. Twenty days I let him live. Twenty ways I wished I could have died instead of being here. The number flashed across the screen as I started to brace myself for impact. It was clear that this bloodbath was going to be different from others. Everything seemed more spread out, which meant that to get to useful items, I was going to have to act fast. However, I wasn’t sure if that was possible here. I knew I was going to have to just go for it. If the game makers didn’t want to give me a chance to show that district seven was still strong, then I was going to have to take the matters into my own hands.

They could eat their hearts out as I took the crown home.

10

I pursed my lips for a moment.

9

I thought about my father.

8

I thought about stabbing my father.

7

I thought about stabbing my father in the throat.

6

I thought about stabbing my father in the throat and then in the stomach.

5

I thought about my mother.

4

I thought about stabbing my father in front of my mother to rid us of the pain that he had caused us.

3

I thought about stabbing my father in front of my mother and in front of all the other children that he had, and all the other woman that he had ruined the lives of.

2

I thought about stabbing my father for me. And only me. No one else.

1

I thought about how much I loved my mother, and how I would have done anything for her. However, in this moment, before everyone started to rush into the ether, I realized that maybe my mother wouldn’t have wanted me to go into the hunger games. Maybe she wanted to keep me at home forever, because then she knew I would be safe.

But then I realized that that was no life to live, and that this choice was what I was going to have to live with.

Until the moment I died.

And so I leapt off the pedestal, inching my way to greatness.

I would show them all that Hanaa Darton was not the girl they thought she was.