hello again | flynn&nanette vs. saylor&silk [day five]

n a n e t t e .




You thought you had me
You thought that I was done, but
I'm stronger up against the ropes

The tip of my spear sinks into his chest, blood pools around where it protruded. I hold it there for half a second longer before I rip it free. I missed his heart, his eyes fluttering as his injuries, his blood loss, started to take its toll.

"I'm not giving up. I'm going home."

No. You're dying. You're giving up, you just refuse to admit it. My thoughts are harsh, I know this, but as I look at him, on the ground, defenceless, I can't stop them from swarming me. I kept thinking what if it was me down there? For a moment there it had almost been me! Would I be giving up? Waiting for that one blow that would push me across the threshold of the living to the dead. No. No, I'd still be fighting, fighting until the very last fucking breath left my body because I know that it what she is doing back home. That mum would fighting with everything that she's got at that one chance, one possibility that she might get to see me again, that she might get to say goodbye.

Instead I just turn away from Saylor, my eyes on the ground as Silk approaches, tears in her eyes, a few leaving a trail down her cheek as they slipped from the edge of her chin.

Yesterday she had stood and watched as I had said goodbye, only the difference was that Saylor was still alive. She apologises the way I was supposed to yesterday, she gets the chance to say goodbye. And then she presses her spear into his flesh, driving it down until his eyes close and the sound of a canon booms through the air making me jump. She killed him, tears spilling from her eyes.

My hands tighten on my spear, my heart racing in my chest. She killed him. She killed him. She killed her friend- her only ally left by the looks of it. And yet Saylor had been terrified to become someone like me. It was a mercy killing, I knew that, but even so, you had to have been broken on the inside to do that to someone that you cared for. Or maybe it was me who was broken, forever trying to find ways to keep those I care about alive even though they are suffering, they are in pain each and every day.

Was I a monster? In the arena I wore the mask of a girl who they wanted to see, but what if it wasn't just a mask? What if I really was just as coldhearted as I thought I was pretending to be?

Mum suffered each and every day and for what? For me. Because- because I couldn't let her go.

Fuck. Fuck.

My eyes begin to pool with unshed tears, I had to get out of here. Right now.

Turning my hand wraps around Flynns wrist, dragging him as I ran. Ran from Silk. From Saylor. From my mother. From me.