world turned upside down. jb - lock&six

Saying six was scared would be the understatement of the year. People were scared when someone snuck up behind them and yelled 'boo'. People were scared when watching horror movies or when a bee was nearby. Six was not scared. He was terrified. He felt almost certain he was going to die in the coming months. He never felt more like a helpless child than he did right now. There was nothing he could do. His death was barreling towards him at 100 miles an hour and he was a turtle stuck on his back, unable to move out of the way.

Trapped. He felt trapped. Trapped by his circumstances. Because of his circumstances he was going to die. Because of his circumstances he was going to commit what in his mind was the ultimate sin - murder. Because of his circumstances he could picture an eternity in Hell. He had always heard his parents talk about Hell growing up and it terrified him. Even after he started doubting an existence in God he kept believing in Hell - just in case. In his mind even if there was a God, if you were a good person even if you didn't believe in him he would still let you into Heaven. But now Six wouldn't be able to do that. Because he knew once he got into that arena no matter how hard it would be he would have to kill. He would have to kill so his siblings would have hope of him returning home.

Right now the thoughts of his siblings were the only things keeping him going. He wanted them to be okay. He wanted to make sure they were safe and would be able to sleep at night. And he wanted to make sure the little ones didn't have nightmares or didn't have to go back to  having nightlights. Honestly if he didn't have his siblings to go back to he probably would've given up on winning before it ever started. If he killed it was for them. If he hurt people or betrayed people if was for them. And if he burned in Hell, it was for them. He hoped God would understand.

Before he was allowed to join Lock he did something he hadn't done in a long time. He prayed. When he was alone with just the peacekeepers he got on his knees and he prayed. He prayed for protection for him and his family. But mostly, he asked for forgiveness. He asked for forgiveness for any sins he had committed up to this point and the ones he knew he was going to commit. Yes he said grace with his family everyday, but he didn't count that as praying. When his family did their religious stuff he just closed his eyes and pretended to pray. He just didn't believe it. But now he was desperate and he'd take all the help he could get.

Then he saw Lock, his first visitor. As soon as he saw Lock he ran over and hugged him, shaking like a leaf. He was ready to be weak right now. When he was with his older siblings like this he didn't feel like he had to be strong or brave. They understood. But he knew when he said goodbye, maybe for the last time, to his little brothers and sisters that he couldn't cry or shake or appear scared. If he was scared it would only make them even more scared. He could get out all of that now with Lock, his big brother. As Lock pulled away there were a few stray tears going down his face. Six wanted to talk first before his sobbing consumed him.

"Lock... I'm scared. I'm really scared. I-I don't wanna die, Lock. I don't want to ki-kill anyone either. But... I won't just give up. I can't just give up... you think I can do it, r-right Lock? You think I can win?"

Even if Lock didn't believe it right now he needed to hear his brother say yes. He needed to hear him say he could win. He needed reassurance he wasn't just destined to die. That he wouldn't be a repeat of Winger O'Malley. Besides, things had changed so much since Winger was a tribute. Back then the Hunger Games were a one day event and he didn't think they even trained you. Now they had training and sponsorships and alliances and all of this other stuff. He wouldn't be a repeat. He wouldn't.

Lock actually did something that Six thought was impossible. Six thought there was one thing he might not do for a long time, if he ever did it again. And that was smile. But because of Lock, he got to smile one last time. Here he was - staring death right in the face, but smiling and giggling. Lock just had that strange power over people. He had the power to comfort them and make them feel happy even in the worst of times. He was going to miss that about him. Well, he was going to miss everything about him - but that was going to be towards the top of the list.

Then Lock brought up God and his mood darkened. Should he tell him he was starting to lose faith in God? Should he bring up that God wouldn't want to do anything to help him after he murdered someone? No. No he wouldn't do that. Even if he questioned God and whether or not God would be on his side, it gave Lock comfort. He wasn't going to take that comfort away from Lock, especially not in a time like this. Sure he wanted to talk about he was starting to question God before all of this, but now with only minutes left before they would be ripped away was not the time or the place. Maybe he would soon find out for sure whether or not God existed.

Instead, he just gripped his brother tightly. He held onto his shirt, not wanting to let go. It was as if he let go then Lock would vanish into thin air. And he kind of would. He would just be gone from Six's life. Maybe forever. He started to cry again as he held onto Lock. He didn't want to go. He didn't want to. He didn't want to die. He didn't want to kill. He didn't want any of this. He always saw Lock as someone who could always protect him. But now no one could protect him. Not even God.

"Lock... I don't wanna go. I don't wanna go, Lock. They're gonna take me but I don't wanna go."

He sounded terrified. Like a child who was terrified of going to the doctor. He had a whimper in his voice. If anyone saw this they would probably say it was a bit pathetic. He was basically begging for his life right now. The question was, who was he begging. Lock couldn't save him. Maybe he was begging the peacekeepers to let him escape. Maybe he was begging the capitol to pick someone else, anyone else. Maybe he was begging God.

After his brother finished talking he pulled him close once again. He was shaking more and more every second. Six didn't think he could do this. He couldn't leave his brother, his family. Four just living with a friend was hard enough on him. He wasn't sure how long he could last in the capitol without his family. Then he had an idea. A stupid idea. But he was scared and his fight or flight instinct kicked in. He knew he was running out of time. But what if he didn't have to be. He just... wasn't confident enough to do this idea without Lock's consent. He wanted his opinion on it.

He leaned into Lock's ear and whispered. His voice was almost silent, he couldn't risk the peacekeepers overhearing him. It might look to them he was just hugging his brother and burying in his face. But he wasn't. He was telling him his plan. His stupid, stupid plan. Normally Six was smarter than that. Normally he'd really think things through and not do anything too risky. But right now he just wanted to live. That's all he wanted.

"They aren't prepared for me to just start sprinting through those doors. I remember all of the turns I took to get into here. I'm probably not the type they expect to run. If they catch me, what are they gonna do? If they kill me the capitol doesn't get two tributes from here. If they send me to the detention center then again, no second tribute. They can't do anything to me. And I might not get caught. But I'll only do it if you say I can."