toxicity.— [zedekiah/adrian/killua]

what part

of living

Adrian was the peacemaker this time. He asked Killua to go in the other room with him, and told you where the key to the liquor cabinet was, which was a fucking relief, seeing as you were starting to feel a little too sober for all of this shit.

When Adrian started to head toward the kitchen, you wondered what was wrong with him. He was shaking and quite clumsy, and you were afraid he'd trip over himself and faceplant before he even got into the kitchen with Killua.

You were going to ask him if he was okay, because you were concerned, but you didn't want to interrupt what was happening. Plus, if you showed too much concern toward Adrian, you were afraid that Killua would dig his fangs into you again and try to rip you apart for it.

As you walked over to where the key to the liquor cabinet was, you second guessed yourself, just for a moment. You thought about the fact that Adrian definitely wouldn't want you to drink right now, and that he was just allowing you to in order to diffuse the ticking time bomb that was the tension in the room. You'd already exploded at the boys twice. A third time probably wasn't the best idea.

A third time would probably involve something a little more physically aggressive.

You did your best not to overhear the conversation that was going on in the kitchen, although you could hear parts of it. Instead, you got the key from under the rug and went over to the liquor cabinet. There was quite a bit in there, but the partial bottle of spiced rum caught your eye. You could drink just about anything straight with how much of an alcoholic you were and for so long, but rum in particular seemed to chill you out better than anything else, so you figured that was the best option right now.

You took the bottle out of the cabinet and closed the cabinet back up. You put the key back in its place and went over to the couch to open the bottle that you now held in your grasp. Opening the bottle, you took a swig of it. Perfect. This was exactly what you'd needed.

The fiery feeling in your throat that came with drinking spiced rum without a mixer was one that you enjoyed. It reminded you that you were indeed still alive, and that not everything in the world had gone numb.

Then again, obviously not everything in the world had gone numb, because for some reason, you had these feelings for Adrian that you couldn't quite kick. You weren't sure how to make them go away, but you also weren't going to let yourself act on them.

Another swig of the alcohol goes down your throat.

You sit there, hoping that Killua and Adrian will figure something out, and that Adrian won't rag on you too hard for drinking the rum- and directly out of the bottle, too. Well, you couldn't exactly go grab a glass while those two were in the kitchen. You hoped Adrian's dad wouldn't get too pissed that some of his liquor was missing later.

You remembered the time you stole from your own father's liquor cabinet. He hardly ever touched the stuff, so you figured he wouldn't mind, but man were you wrong. He beat you senseless that day. Eventually, you had to build up your own stock, which you kept in your bedroom closet. You didn't have your own liquor cabinet, and you certainly learned to never touch your father's again. Although, you weren't sure you father had even touched it since you took some that first time a couple years ago.

The boyfriend that you'd had at the time seemed to think it was hilarious that your father got so mad about it. You'd been trying to steal something for the both of you to share, and Tyler didn't seem to care that you'd gotten severely punished in response to the effort. If anything, he found humor in it.

You were just glad to be away from that now. Maybe you didn't need a relationship. Maybe you could just wait around for the right guy to come along that might not be Adrian.

Or maybe you should just wait around for Adrian. He and Killua surely couldn't last that long as a couple, could they?

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726 words

says you

gotta die