.:Such Great Heights:. [Cait]
Jan 23, 2013 9:05:40 GMT -5
Post by 🖤 cait on Jan 23, 2013 9:05:40 GMT -5
[/blockquote][/justify]The ability to read a person does not come easily to those inexperienced and uneducated. When you learn to grow board of the same old sights each day in the fields, you crave more, and amongst the midst of the peculiar happenings of District 11, you come to learn more things than you would have ever thought possible. Reading people is as easy as reading a book, once you know what to look for. Unlimited possibilities of what you could discover intrigue me, and as my curiosity reaches an all-time peak, there is nothing I can do to help myself. Sometimes the best attack is targeting the mind, for it is there that you break down first, the rest coming swiftly after, before you are reduced to a pile of nothing.
When I arrived on the train, I was just a pile of emotions. I couldn’t help myself, the struggle was too much to handle, and I sit here now, already learning to make enemies with someone who is probably going to be the closest person I meet in the time spent here. I’d never meant to hurt him, but maybe after years of being hurt and called a freak and teased and taunted, you eventually give up trying anymore, and before you know it you’re just as bad as them. But I’d always been like that. And yet, the familiar satisfaction that usually came along in a scenario like this did not make an appearance, and immediately I knew that something wasn’t right.
I finish eating the small chocolate, and suddenly, I don’t feel too well. Maybe it was the richness of the chocolate, or maybe something else. I’ll be damned if I believe it’s guilt. As I look over at Benat’s face, a small smile of smugness beginning to linger on my face, I see how drastically his mood has changed, how my words have affected them in more ways than I could ever have hoped. And I feel terrible. And just as I think he won’t utter another word to me, he starts speaking softly, and I hang on to every word he speaks, transfixed. When he’s done, I take a deep breath, and know that I need to set things right.
What I was about to do was not the Belle I wanted to be remembered as.
Hesistantly, I open my mouth, but no words come. As I clear my throat, I try a second time, and my voice rings out, echoing around the small carriage we sit in, lingering in the even smaller space where we are sitting.
‘I haven’t laughed in a long time. So don’t count on that. But maybe talking isn’t that bad, even if it is to a weirdo like you.’ A deep breath. ‘I don’t get invited places – anyone that knows me understands that it’s best to leave me alone. I don’t have any friends, if you could believe it. And by no means am I going to start pouring my heart out to you, but maybe this can help you understand a tiny little bit better.’ Slowly, I get to my feet, wobbly with dizziness and the unease that comes with the fatigue of a tiring day. I shove his feet aside from where they are stretched out on the couch and sit down next to him, look him in the eyes, and start to speak again.
‘I’m weird and strange and fucked up, and to be honest I know for a fact we’re not making it out of there alive. But for now, we both just need someone, and you need to understand that I’m different. Think of it like you’re dealing with a poor, defenceless, emotional child. They’re precious, and you see them and you fall in love with them instantly, despite all their flaws. And I’m sorry the flaws are unpleasant and horrid, but maybe if you could see past them, maybe then we’d be able to get through.’ This much is true, and I knew that from the way he looked at me, there was at least a sliver of admiration in his heart. ‘I’m terrified, too. I don’t show it much, but I think of how bad things may go, and before you know it I can see my body strewn across the arena floor, and there’s nothing I can do about it.’ I sigh slowly, relief washing over me for the first time this whole trip. Looking into his eyes is magical, and I instantly hate myself for feeling so strangely attracted to such a peculiar boy. I move closer, and I’m back to the same girl who entered onto the train only 15 minutes ago, only this time, where recklessness and foolishness had taken control earlier, this time it was more. And I wanted him to know that I wanted him, even if just for tonight, because living in a world where dark is the only light is awfully lonely at the best of times.
Belle Calloway. Loony extraordinaire. Master seductress, troublemaker and heartbreaker. Always gets her way. Because that was the Belle that everybody knew and loved, and as I spoke to Benat, I pushed down the rising feeling of warmth. There was no room for such silly emotions, not now, not ever.
But it never did hurt anyone. And for now, nothing mattered, but us.