long time, no see (jb) • liza & izzy.

sidney
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long time, no see (jb) • liza & izzy. Oct 2, 2021 16:41:10 GMT -5

Post by sidney on Oct 2, 2021 16:41:10 GMT -5

Part of me still cannot believe this is where my life has lead me. Here, in this place. A tribute of the 89th Hunger Games. What the actual fuck? I ask myself over and over as they usher me inside the Justice Building. Repeatedly, on a steady loop as the Keepers escort me into a finely decorated holding cell, for lack of a better word.

It may have had a plush velvet couch, wallpaper with roses, and leather-bound books lining the shelves, but it's still a cell nonetheless. If I were to go for that doorknob, it'd be locked. And if the Keeper on the other side happened to notice, I would most likely walk out of here with a black eye. Just because.

I remember this room, though.
Vividly.

Meredith sat on that couch when I came in to say goodbye, though the throw pillows were a different shade and the curtains have been changed. I still remember. It wasn't my idea, of course; there was no love lost between us when her name was called instead of mine. Not to say I wanted her to die, I just really didn't care if she would. Or when she inevitably did.

But Octavia made us all say our goodbyes anyway. No one would show me the same kindness, not today. Still, I can't believe I'm here. Waiting for the train. Soon to be on my way toward the Capitol... to die.

After all I've been through, selfishly, I thought maybe I'd done enough to warrant a reprieve. Some peace and some quiet. Since I was thirteen, all I've known is the fight. That never-ending war between a girl and survival. And I've won. Time and time again. But as I sit here on this fancy couch, in this gaudy room, with my head in my hands, I don't know if I have it in me anymore.

I'd like to think I could win. I've surely killed before. There was no qualms about such things when you were a Strauss. But now I am a Manford. I wear the name I had before Octavia took me, but can you really take the killer out of the girl? I start to shake as that question hangs in the air, thick like humidity on a hot summer afternoon. It goes to choke me, to wrap his hands tightly around my throat when a knock sounds at the door.

Keys rattle.
My heart skips a beat.

Who the hell would even want to say goodbye to me?

charade
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long time, no see (jb) • liza & izzy. Oct 3, 2021 5:09:27 GMT -5

Post by charade on Oct 3, 2021 5:09:27 GMT -5

i s a b e l l e .

Come away little lamb
Come away to the water
Give yourself so we might live a new
Come away little lamb
Come away to the slaughter

It’s that time again.

I really hope I get reaped this year.

Cause once I’m famous, then I can ask the Capitol to bring my sisters back just like they did to Shy Auger—

Audberger—

Aurgerbean—

Like they did to Shy and they’ll listen cause instead of some no-name little girl I’ll be famous. And then maybe no one will leave me again. Cause everyone does, even Liz. Cause she ran away except Victor said she was dead except I knew he was lying cause there was no fresh dirt on his shovel in the shed.

So she just left without saying goodbye like everyone does and I hate it cause she’s cool and not supposed to be a dummy like Meredith. But then she got reaped and she wasn’t even a Strauss.

Oh-oh, Mrs.Strauss isn’t going to like that.

They let me into the room and I scrunch my face up cause she looks surprised at me. I don't know why, they always let family in here.

“Why are you dumb?!”

It just kind of comes out and suddenly I don’t care about being rude no more.

“First you run away and like, we don’t know what happened to you and I thought you were dead under a tree except I knew you weren’t—“

I’m so mad I bet I’m turning red cause I have to stop and take a breath.

“And then you get reaped except your name is wrong so I almost didn’t recognize you and I knew they were lying about you being dead except now you’re going to be and I hate it cause you’re smart and pretty and cool and the best big sister since all my other ones died—and—and—“

Aw crud, oh no. I’m crying and I can feel it running down my face and I hate it and it’s dumb.

I’m dumb too, for thinking anyone will ever stay with me. Everyone leaves me and they die and they never get any older but I will.

Victor says sentiment is a weakness. Says you gotta be tough’n’cold and let your heart die cause you never needed it anyway, and I tried hard, really I did. My heart feels like a big old rock in my chest all covered in ice.

So I can’t feel nothing anymore.

But—

But if my heart is dead inside me—then how come it hurts so bad?

16 Jul 12, 23:43
GB: I bet you just sit at your computer with a tea cup and a monocle

sidney
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long time, no see (jb) • liza & izzy. Oct 4, 2021 23:02:03 GMT -5

Post by sidney on Oct 4, 2021 23:02:03 GMT -5

Why are you dumb?

That's the first thing this little spitfire of a girl says to me. Really? I can't help but laugh, something I haven't done in a very, very long time. But Izzy always had a way of bringing one out of me, of making the big things seem so small. Small enough to laugh at them. That was the thing about children, about a kid like Izzy. They knew better than to worry because all it did was take up time and make you lose your focus. Maybe that was the one good lesson Victor taught her. But one good thing in a horde of bad doesn't make it right.

I know that now. I knew it once, I swear I did.
But they made me forget.

"Did they tell you I was dead?" It hurts, I think. I don't know why I'm even surprised, though. Octavia Strauss doesn't lose children unless they're reaped. I wasn't until now. But she still lost me. That must kill her. A smile pulls at the edges of my mouth, but Izzy's rambling pulls me out of my own thoughts and I try to focus on her. On what she's saying. "You're too smart for your own good, you know?"

I bend at the knees and crouch down to her level, meet her eye to eye, and it pains me to see her more than I thought it would. More than when she was simply across the square, distant and surreal. Not standing before me in the flesh, asking for answers and calling me her sister.

"I missed you," is all I can manage for the time being. That and a hug. I reach out and wrap my arms around her tiny frame, bury my face in her hair and whisper into her ear. "I missed you so much, Izzy, and I'm sorry I left you there with them." It comes out more as a sob than anything else, emotion pouring out of me and into the heart of this little girl who shouldn't have to lose yet another one of her siblings.

How many will this make it now? Five? Six?
Has she lost count?

"You wanna know something?" I back away and wipe at the tears I couldn't hold inside. The few that were stronger than me. "You're my favorite sister. And we've had quite a few of those, haven't we?"

charade
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long time, no see (jb) • liza & izzy. Oct 8, 2021 21:05:23 GMT -5

Post by charade on Oct 8, 2021 21:05:23 GMT -5

i s a b e l l e .

Come away little lamb
Come away to the water
Give yourself so we might live a new
Come away little lamb
Come away to the slaughter

Everyone laughs at me cause I’m just dumb and small and stupid. And real angry. Except they know I can’t hurt them until I get bigger.

But—I don’t think it was a mean laugh that Elizabeth just laughed, not when she tells me I’m smart. She crouches next to me and she gives me a hug. And I think she’s crying, and I’m crying and I’m trying really hard not to cause emotions are a weakness that Victor says we’re not supposed to have.

I don’t remember the last time someone hugged me. I think my mom did, before she died and I went to the home and then to the strauss’s. I don’t—I feel safe. Like everything’s going to be alright or like that time I had an ice cream because Octavia was running for mayor and we had to take pictures doing family stuff to help her win.

It was a really good ice cream. Chocolate with sprinkles and syrup. I haven’t had one again since that.

I sniff and wipe some of the memories away with the back of my hand, cause she's stepped back to look at me.

Elizabeth’s sad that she left me, and I’m sad that she left me too.

“Then you should have taken me with you.” It comes out quieter than I mean it to. I think—I think it was a joke, but I don’t know, I’ve had too many sisters. I don’t want to think about all the strauss’s that died in the house. They were my friends and maybe even sisters and brothers but so many of them are gone now and—I—

I don’t want her to go too.

I can barely see her through my tears, but I barrel towards her and hug her tight.

“Come back.” I choke out. “Please? Promise?”