denny denver . d10 . fin

The only things I ever lie about are my feelings. I just feel really guilty if I lie about anything else, so as a result, I have no fucking filter.

Anyway, more about me: I believe horses are from outer space, Panem's high council is made up of robots created by President Snow before he died and the real reason they don't want us outside the District boundaries is because that's where all the extra mutts from the Hunger Games get released to and they'll eat us or kill us if we go out there. People call me a conspiracy theorist, which I guess is really just two big words that I'm not really quite sure what they mean, but I looked them up and they sound kind of right to me, so I'll go with it, if that's what people want to call me.

There are a lot of things I don't understand, and I guess that's why I come up with my own reasoning to fill in those gaps. It's just easier that way. Making up my own answers is what I did all the time in school, and I got through it all just fine, even if my teachers always told me "Denny, you can't just write down whatever you want," blah blah blah, or whatever it was that they said exactly.

I always just asked them that if I couldn't make up my own answers, why did they encourage being creative in school? They always told me in my art class that I should create my own work and not do what everyone else is doing, so why wasn't that the same in math class? I mean, I get that they say that there's only one answer to math questions, but what if I can come up with something else that makes sense to me, too?

Anyway, I'm not in school anymore, so I don't suppose that matters too much. I've just really been stuck on it all these years later. I feel like I get stuck on things a lot. If I get into a argument with someone, I constantly think about it a while later, wondering what I could have said better to convince them that I was right. It's really irritating how it lurks in my brain for so much longer than it really needs to be there for.

I can vividly remember an argument I had with my mom when I was still living at home. She was scolding me as a kid for not getting my room clean, and my argument was that it was my room, and that no one else went in there anyway, so it really wasn't important to clean. I mean, sure, my door was open, but it wasn't like anyone would trip on things if they didn't go in there. She disagreed. Strongly. Really strongly. She's a nice woman, but she's a neat freak, so if your stuff is out of order in her house, she's really not happy. Maybe neat freak isn't the nicest word to use. She has... perfectionist qualities, I guess.

After that argument, I was telling myself that I could've struck a deal with her: I'd keep my bedroom door shut so she didn't have to see it, and then I wouldn't have to keep it clean. She probably still would've said that didn't matter, though, to be totally honest, because she's the type of person who gets bothered by messes behind closed doors. Oh well. It's been over ten years and I still think about that for whatever stupid reason.

Oh, remember earlier how I mentioned that I think horses are from outer space? Well, that wasn't some sort of joke. I really, truly do believe that horses are aliens. There's no way in hell that they just spawned on earth, or evolved from some other earth creature. They're just too weird, with their mane hair in such an oddly specific spot, and their flowing, beautiful tails: they're just too pretty and perfect to make sense. Some people think I'm dumb for questioning things, but I think questioning things makes you smarter, if you ask me. It makes you think harder.

Sometimes, thinking harder hurts, but I think it's worth it.

I ramble a lot. Like, way too much, and I go off on tangents a lot. I feel like these things bother some people, but other people find it really entertaining. The people that find it entertaining tend to become my friends, and we all talk way too much, so I guess it all makes sense. As for the people that don't like my rambling and excessive chattiness? I just ignore their comments. The best thing you can do is not let people get to you too much. I just need to be better at that with some things, I guess. I'm getting there, though, and that's what really matters, if you ask me.

You definitely can't let people get to you when you work at a bar like I do. I own and work at a bar in the District Square, and a lot of the same people frequent it all the time. The thing with the regulars is that, sometimes they're super friendly, but other times, they just want to vent all of their problems to you, and to be totally honest, it can get frustrating, because sometimes, they start to blame you for their problems. I don't really understand why people are like that when I'm just listening, but I guess it is what it is.

Come to think of it, I'm a frequenter at another bar in the District Square, and I tend to vent my problems to the bartender when I'm upset sometimes, too. I just don't blame them for it, and I think that's really the key difference there. I also like to share my conspiracy theories with people at both the bar I own and the bar I frequent. It's gotten me kicked out of the bar I frequent once, but they let me come back because I bring in a good amount of money for them.

I think the life lesson here is, be weird, talk about your interests, and don't shut up just because other people don't like it.

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