that's what you get :: 007 vs 010
Dec 13, 2021 17:54:42 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on Dec 13, 2021 17:54:42 GMT -5
I'm stuck in a death games and the only alone time I get is the 5 minutes the bathroom door stays locked. The asshole guards come knocking every 60 seconds and I can't even get a minute to break down and sink my teeth in what's happening to me. I shouldn't be here; I shouldn't even be here -- shut the fuck up, Theo. All I can do is pace, my skin feels like it'll jump off my back if I don't get out of here but I don't know what I can do to save myself.
I don't even think I can.
When I go back to the Gym I've got to hold it together. Poker face and contain myself again like I'm in uniform, shut it down, but the anger against the situation is settling in minute by minute. Ever since I saw 015 get his brains blown onto my slip on's I haven't been able to settle back down. Maybe it just all became a bit more real, but didn't I know we were dying all along?
For some reason I just can't let it go that this doesn't feel fair. Like I'm being cheated out a life I wanted to throw away to begin with -- I've never been good at holding myself accountable. I can't even say I did everything right before I got here, but god damn. My hands are cold and desperately gripping the bed pipe, fire-y white knuckles begging for some kind of outlet; I have half the wrong idea to kill the guard, take his suit and get the fuck out of here. There's got to be a way, I've always been good at getting out of things.
And here I am, life on the line like always, and all I can do is smash the mirrors out. Watch my face crack and the shards splinter, reflections of a bitch losing her mind on the ground -- halfway there, halfway. I don't even know why I try to stifle my grunts when the sound of glass shattering chimes louder than I can imagine, one after another. I count from 10 as I go down the row, exhaling from my shoulders in each swing.
I nearly miss the sound of the lock clicking.
Nearly.
Whether it's a player or a guard, the best I can do is hide my face. Shadow away in a stall and hike my knees to my chest, pipe hot in my hands, eyes cold on the floor. My mind goes numb, teeth clenched as I wait for my own break down to pass.
What the fuck is going on with my life?