donata bridgerton :: d1 cbd2

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donata bridgerton.

Sometimes, I think I would be happier in another family. 

Most of my siblings would agree, though our mother is fine, really. I would like to say so, but it's difficult having to remind yourself being un-perfect is still worthy of being loved. I've fought with myself over this very thing and I rarely seem to win -- they all ask so much and so little of me at the same time that it's begun rotting my brain. My mother treats me as an art piece, something she can scrub and do away with and rebuild until it's a perfect vision of myself that I can't see. 

Everyone else treats me as a child instead of a sister, to protect me from the burning building that is marriage. And what if I just want to play piano? I'd like to think I'd be a good wife, but I believe I'm better off never knowing, really. To me, what isn't enough to just do what I'm good at it, to live a life any bachelor could, but I wasn't lucky enough to be apart of that game. 

So at 18, they'll marry me off, my sister's after me, and I'm left to wonder what I could accomplish instead if I were born a son. The fourth son at that, to even just think of how much peace I would have drives me insane sometimes. However, the ball season dawns on us, and here I am, desirable. 

But if I'm going to play this part, I'm going to at least be good at it.