Gabrielle O'Dale // DISTRICT 6

tw: depression, unintentional neglect. misscarriage mention

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You are golden.

Before you were in the world, it was dark and cold, like the Earth shrouded in the grief of the barely mother and when you took your first breath and cried, it was as if Persephone herself had returned from the depths of the Underworld to be reunited with her beloved mother. Your mother cried as Demeter did when she first held you in her arms, she cries often when she holds you even now and you hold her closely too because for the longest time she was the only person you ever had. 

Growing up was difficult. Though your mother tells you often that you are not quite yet grown up; perhaps that is why sometimes things are still difficult. It is not uncommon to find single mothers living with their children, fathered by faceless men who do not know of their own childs existence or do not care to know. There is no difference. Your mother was just another name, another number in the roster but she did her best to keep you warm and keep your belly full. You never remember being starving, not like other children in your block, but the hunger lingers in your bones still, like a heart break. For food is your second love, after your mother. 

One of the first memories you can recall is the taste of a sweet, summer strawberry on your lips. You still to this day do not know where your mother got the pallet of strawberries- they were not something you saw at the market on your side of town- but you have never questioned it because that Strawberry was perhaps the most beautiful thing you have ever tasted. You remember how it tasted, like starlight you said, then you realised your mother had not had one and was watching you with a forlorn gaze and you could see a familiar look in her eyes that you saw in many children you played with on your street. 

You extended a strawberry to her, and despite her weak protests, she gives in and takes one. You both gorge yourself on strawberries until you are both so full you feel almost sick. You remember the laughter filling the house afterwards, how it sounded like music.

It was not a sound you heard often. 

Your mother was often bound to her bed and when you were very young, you never understood why. Why she would not move for hours and sometimes even days- what you should tell her boss when he came looking for her, his brow furrowed and voice full of concern. You did not know how to explain to your teachers, when you came to school with your hair matted and in the same clothes as on Friday why you were in such a state. Perhaps, you will never understand in truth but one day your old neighbor explained to you that your mother was not sick. Not really- not like when you caught the flu. She was sick but it was a sickness you could not catch and was perhaps the worst sickness of all. 

Your Mama is Sad Gabrielle...

Why?

No one ever told you why. Your mother keeps her heart hidden, tucked away and locked in a box. She keeps her secrets there too- she does not talk often about her life before you and you are content- but you find a little picture one day, old and worn but it is of your mother. You are certain that the sad looking girl in the photo is your mother with her dark curls and in the photograph is a girl- blonde and bright eyed and full of life. You do not know her name but she almost looks like she could be your mothers Sister-

And you learn at school that she is.

You are in your 5th year, learning about the Games in the History of Panem. It is not a class you enjoy- the Games are the thing that keep you awake at night. Your mother often leaves the TV on and leaves the room when they begin and you learn to join her. At school however there is no escape. 

You are watching a video of the 70th Games, the Reapings across Panem when you see her. Your mother. You hear her name first- and you look up from doodling in your note book, feeling the colour drain from your face as your eyes meet hers- the same eyes you'll see when you get home and the same from that photograph you found all those years ago. Then another familiar face fills the screen as the camera pans to another girl- shouting that she volunteers. It takes you a moment to recognise her, but it is her eyes that give it away.

Gabrielle O'Dale

It is very surreal hearing your name on the screen and the whole class pauses to take a look at you. Your whole life you never had known your mother had a sister- and your whole life you did not know she had been in the Games. Your stomach sank when you realised there was a reason your mother never talked about her. Why each spring your mother would disappear from the bed beside you well before dawn with a small clump of flowers she had bought the previous day. 

When you go home that night, and see your mother cooking some soup on the stove, you think about telling her about the lesson but you decide not to. You decide to keep this secret too. Unspoken but forever in your heart. You only begin to understand the ebb of sadness your mother must sometimes feel; though you know you will never truly understand. 

Your little bubble with your mothers seemingly bursts when one day your mother brings her boss home and tells you she and him are going to get married. That, and you are going to be a big sister. It is not your best moment, you scream and cry and both your mother and Mr Krain do not know how to calm you down. You think that this is just another time where your mother would bring a man home, whos name you do not get chance to know before  he runs off and leaves your mother. Sometimes her belly would swell and then she would wake in the night screaming with the sheets covered in blood. 

Eventually your mothers sooths you enough that she manages to persuade you it is not like before- she reminds you that you have known Mr Krain for over 10 years and that he is almost certainly not like those other men. She is right of course, your mother and him are still together 5 years late. You had not known your mother to keep a relationship for longer than 5 weeks let alone half a decade. He is kind, though awkward around you. He does not know quite how to handle you but he does his best. 

Not long after your family grows from three to five overnight when your mother gives birth to Orla and Felix. They are a handful and your leap at the chance to help your mother and Mr Krain to care for them. There are times, where you worry your mother might forget you. Her time is so consumed with the twins and being a housewife and eventually returning to work at the hospital, that you worry one day you will become like the girl in the photograph. Forgotten. 

Though when you watch your mother leave the house that spring with a bouqet of flowers in her arms, you remind yourself she will never forget her sister. 

But you are unsure about you until your 15th Birthday and you come home to find  a palette of strawberrys on the kitchen table with a note:

To My Darling Gabrielle,

Happy Birthday

Love Mama.