wobbling breaths / jb

thompson harvard - d2b - arc
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wobbling breaths / jb Feb 7, 2022 16:42:26 GMT -5

Post by thompson harvard - d2b - arc on Feb 7, 2022 16:42:26 GMT -5

gabriel webster-văduva

I never knew that there was such mean people in the world. Maybe because the only time I've seen most people is when I'm handing out those shot suckers. They see me and give their 'awwh, how cute' and take the sucker to then leave. I thought life was that simple. You give someone a sucker and they move on with life. Though, suckers don't last forever. If you just keep sucking, or chewing (those poor teeth) away at the thing, eventually it's gone. Once that sucker is gone you're reminded that, ouch, that shot hurt. You're reminded that now you have to go do the laundry or the math sheet or put away your clothes. Sometimes a sucker doesn't do enough. A strawberry/cherry flavored sucker doesn't replace the taste of jealousy.

It doesn't replace life.

I guess the fact that Peter earned that scholarship made some people mad. Like, Mom when Willa dyed her hair blue mad. A lot worse than that actually. Apparently so mad that they decided Peter should die for it. He's not guaranteed to die, just simply guaranteed to have the chance to die.

Not that it's any different, it's still scary. I've heard of bad things that happen to people. They come back different- they change while they're away, which makes me scared. I don't want Peter to forget about me. Or Mom. Or Willa. Or the baby he has on the way?

Would he?

I don't know. Maybe he gets so scared, so torn up from being away that we have to suffer ourselves. The family will never be the same. I don't want that to happen.

Peter was pulled into the big stone building and I soon followed when they allowed us to go in to say our final parting words. I was sitting there outside of the room that he was being held in. I was whispering to myself don'tcry
don'tcry - don'tdoit
you'llbeokay
he'llbeokay

One of those breaths that wiggle their way up your throat and through your chest, causing your body to tremble as if controlled by the chills of the night. The ones that waver and bend like those tall, skinny buildings during an earthquake. I shoved it down like a balloon trying to rise out of a bin.

The door opened and all I could do was hug him.

I didn't speak. I couldn't - it was hard enough to control the wave of cries, sobs, sounds that wanted to leave.

Last Edit: Feb 7, 2022 16:53:06 GMT -5 by thompson harvard - d2b - arc

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wobbling breaths / jb Feb 8, 2022 2:21:10 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Feb 8, 2022 2:21:10 GMT -5

P E T E R W E B S T E R - V Ă D U V A

I was standing in the justice building, with nothing but the stares of the Peacekeepers and the sound of my own racing heart to keep me company. I was terrified, of course I was. But Willa, Gabriel, and my parents didn't need that right now. They were scared too. We were all scared. There was a pretty good chance I would die. But I didn't need to act like it. If I died I didn't want them to remember me as being scared and crying in the Justice Building. I want them to remember all of the times I've made them happy, all the moments we shared together. Even if they were fleeting.

And suddenly, I wasn't alone anymore. Before I even realised the door had opened, a pair of small arms were wrapped around me, trembling. Gabriel. He was so scared, I hated seeing him like that. He was small for his age, just like I was at twelve. Maybe one day he'd hit a growth spurt and shoot-up like a tree overnight, I hoped I was around to see it. I gently hugged him, rubbing his back as I did. When I spoke to him I spoke softly.

"Hey buddy. I love you so much, you know that, right? Look, there's something you need to remember. Just because bad things happen, doesn't mean that the world is bad. So just try to think of the good things when stuff gets hard. Write a list of good things if you need to. Think about your cat and snow days and candy and all of the other good things."

And then, I felt myself start to break. So I stopped talking and I just held him. I didn't care if the train got delayed. I didn't care if I spent my whole time just silently holding him. I didn't care if the Peacekeepers tried to cut us off. I was going to hold Gabriel for as long as he needed. They'd have to rip off my arms from my body to stop me. He needed me. And he was going to need me in the future. I don't know if I'd be alive to be there for him then, but I can be here for him now. And that's what mattered.

"When I get back, we can go get your hair dyed pink. I'll deal with Mom."

[ table by jay ]

[ 393 words ]

thompson harvard - d2b - arc
Veteran Member

2,623 POSTS

Pronouns: he/him
last seen Nov 16, 2024 9:33:49 GMT -5

wobbling breaths / jb Feb 8, 2022 17:31:10 GMT -5

Post by thompson harvard - d2b - arc on Feb 8, 2022 17:31:10 GMT -5

gabriel webster-văduva

Do you know that feeling where you cant find the air to speak? Like a vacuum took all of the power of your lungs, or a really bad snowstorm, where the wind is so powerful that every time you open your mouth the wind forces the air back into your lungs. A sob and tremble fo powerful that you can't even find the words to mutter how you feel. My throat felt as if it was empty. I didn't want to talk, anyway.

I just wanted to hug my brother for the last time.

Don't say that. He's coming back.

How do I know? Peter's hand rubbed my back, doing the one thing that apparently all older siblings know how to do. That one hallucinating back rub that sends you into the zone of comfort, home, promise. Where the world isn't as bad at that moment, but it's so so bad. He speaks up, trying to calm me as if the storm wasn't looming over us like a tsunami waiting to strike. "Hey buddy. I love you so much, you know that, right? Look, there's something you need to remember. Just because bad things happen, doesn't mean that the world is bad."

The world is bad. Why would it raise Peter up on a high to then slap him back down on the ground like a dead fish?

"So just try to think of the good things when stuff gets hard. Write a list of good things if you need to. Think about your cat and snow days and candy and all of the other good things."

Snow days are cold. On cold days when our heater is knocked out of business, snow days aren't fun. They're miserable. Candy causes your teeth to fall out. That's what Mom said, but I guess she doesn't care about the patients. Just the money. The cat will die soon enough, too, just like Peter. Even if he doesn't die in there, he dies eventually. I die, too. We all die in this game of life of death, just some people cheat the system.

A breathing exercise that Willa told me about one time is taking really slow deep breaths. Sometimes, it catches you back up, and you can find the courage to face the scary stuff.

Inhale exhale
Inhale, exhale.
Inhale, hold,
exhale.

"I... don't want you to leave." Of course you don't. "You earned it... they're just jealous..." It was a soft remark, bitter, hurt. Why did people hate success?

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wobbling breaths / jb Feb 13, 2022 16:14:54 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2022 16:14:54 GMT -5

P E T E R W E B S T E R - V Ă D U V A

He still wasn't saying anything, but I could hear and feel him taking deeper breaths. I wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. But if he was in fact self-regulating and calming himself down, I wasn't going to interrupt it unless I could tell he was getting worse. So I just kept holding him. My arms were getting a little sore from being in the same position, but I didn't care. If me hugging him gave him comfort, that's all I needed to know. I wanted what could be my last moments with Gabriel to be comforting, not terrifying. I didn't want to see him scared.

And when he did speak, it was quiet.

He was blaming her, he was blaming the scholarship. I could have left it at that, I could let him blame her. Let him hate her for taking away his brother. But I couldn't. Because if it was his name that was called or Willa's name that was called, I would have wanted them to say the name of anyone else. My name even, just anyone else. And I think for her, I was her anyone else. And despite everything, I didn't think she was a bad person.

"Sometimes good people do bad things, Gabriel. I don't think she was really upset about the scholarship. She was just scared, just like how you're scared. And when people are scared, sometimes they do things they'll regret later. Her bringing up the scholarship was her just trying to justify the bad things she did. But I don't think she's a bad person for being scared."

I was scared right now. And I'd be scared in the arena. I'd have to kill, just like Teddy did. Did that make us bad people? I don't think so, after all, Teddy is one of the best people I have ever met. But he killed people, which is arguably worse than just forcing someone into the Hunger Games. I couldn't be too mad at her, considering I was going to be doing bad things in front of the entire country here soon. And I hoped Gabriel could forgive me, since him and Willa would probably be watching me close.

I wasn't sure which scenario would be worse. Me dying or me fighting and coming back just for my own siblings to be scared of me. I just had to hope they knew that no matter what happened, I was still their same big brother. And I still loved them. I'd always love them, even if I died. I hoped that when I tightened up the hug a little, Gabriel felt loved. And didn't notice that a few stray tears were starting to slide down my cheeks.

[ table by jay ]

[ 452 words ]