no way home [D6 Train]

Gritting his teeth, he can't hear the way his own heart beats in his throat. The taste of metal upon his tongue just like the glaive Ree Fer cut him with over and over again. Burn away the memories. Forget what he can. Ree Fer would always be right. Memories only give him pain anymore. Living in the present had been good for awhile, but he can remember the way he stood on the stage watching with a heavy breath for a name to be pulled. Parson Cham, they would say. Parson Cham would die. Killed over and over in front of him, but he's grown used to pain. Felt it prick itself in the back of his head for so long where tears were meant to drown him out.

The twist for quells always lead to pain. Putting a gun to kids heads to force them to shoot a gun of their own; Six would be broken after everything once more. Kids saying horrible things out of fear. And still, he ended up being punished in the process. Peter was only a kid. A kid who deserved a world of happiness with whatever the kid desired. School was in his future. Science would be his art, but here Teddy Ursa was. Numb to the pain, but still bleeding emotionally. Eyes flickering between worry, stress, and resolution. He's getting too old for this. The headache of a century already coming through, but he can't let himself yell. There's no point in focusing on the pain; only what could be. Flynn was there. He's done it before. He could do it again.

Could he?

A heart burnt into his sleeve, he sits there swirling a glass of Riesling between his fingers. Eyes burning a hole into the floor before him; teeth grinding to a halt as he can taste the crispness of the wine lingering on his tongue. Flynn was somewhere, but he couldn't get himself to look for the boy. The younger victor was still a kid, just like the ones going in. Two kids with targets fired at them in the reaping; rumors in six spreading like wildfire. So much for Vasco Izar's Unity; more bodies would come within the year. Distraught citizens warring against one another about the choices of kids. A full blown distrust would follow and the unity the districts have sworn to build for years and years would falter away.

It makes his blood boil, but what's a victor to do.

As he sits there quietly, he lets minutes pass by with his head trapped deep in thought. Memories of molten rock and broken words lingering behind his closed eyes and open ears. A faint feeling of pain bursting from his missing leg as if the joint won't extend anymore. An ache never healing over the years; a reminder that he'll always be a broken man forever haunted by the actions of his youth. A heavy breath is all he can give when their tributes come aboard or maybe they've been there for awhile, he can't quite remember how long it's been since his mind has gone blank. His own words spilling from his lips as he goes.

"First, I want to say I'm sorry."

The smell of sulfur in the air as he can see their eyes in both of them. Youth curling around their faces, a memory of the youth forever trapped there. Placing down his glass, Teddy stands tall; eyes focused in a way he hasn't been since Flynn Garner won.

"You deserve better."

His eyes follow Peter for just a moment; a feeling of worry bubbling up. Tears want to well up, but he can't break down. Not anymore. Not after he promised himself to no longer grow attached. A heart can only take so much. Biting down the burning feeling along his side where a scar from Emberly still resides as if he can remember their discussion of a life after the games; youth fleeting away forever.

"Ask anything you want. We're here to help you in any way we can."

Victors do not come from six.

Teddy Ursa knew better than to keep his hopes up.