estella facilier . d5 . fin

They're scared of me. That's what my older sister tells me. That's why the girls that she hangs out with don't want to be my friend. They've seen me tormenting people in the District Square on reaping day, telling them they're probably next, and they don't want to talk to me. Problem is, that's just the start of it all. If they knew everything about me, they wouldn't just not talk to me: they'd run and hide.

I've dreamt of the torment I could lay out on people, and I do my best to bring it to life. I've done all sorts of things to scare people and make them fear me. I like seeing the fear in people's eyes when I tell them their future will only end in death and suffering as I read the cards that lie before them. In reality, I make most of it up, but they tend to believe me.

Create tools for voodoo to try to add to the suffering? Don't mind if I do. I've made voodoo dolls and different trinkets to try to control how people live their lives. Although most of them seem to be ineffective, the one I have of one person in particular seems to be lining up quite well with how their life actually goes. Of course, I can't control it perfectly, and maybe it's just coincidence with how things play out. Nevertheless, I hold his doll particularly close, because maybe, just maybe, it can get me what I want in the end.

What is it that I want, exactly? Power. Control. For people to live in fear of and respect me. Of course, there are some people in my life that I don't disrespect like that. Most of my family is treated properly by me. They deserve it, as they didn't turn me away when I started showing my dark side when everyone else in my life seemed to want nothing to do with me anymore.

One big difference between my family and myself, other than what I've deemed my dark side, is our stance on the Hunger Games. My family sees the whole thing as an atrocity. I see it as an opportunity. I see it as giving me a chance to fight others. It would give me a chance to harness my dark side that wants to break free at the times I'm forced to hide it. It would give me the chance to use my dark side to its fullest potential, too. Maybe I could even... kill and get away with it.

That's the dream.

I can remember the first time the urge to kill crossed my mind. I wanted to kill this kid that I knew from school who kept telling me that I was "bonkers" and that "no one would ever respect me" if I kept doing my "voodoo shit". The one thing I wanted to do was kill him. The one thing I did do was tell him, "don't you disrespect me, little man"* and he laughed it off. It certainly could've gone much better, but I was only fourteen at the time.

Nowadays, I tell off the people who say shit like that to me if it feels right to do so. I'll give them warnings, even if they're things I can't guarantee will happen, like that they'll end up in the Hunger Games and die a terrible death with immense suffering. If it doesn't feel like the right person to be telling off, though, I simply keep to myself, and know that I can get back at them later... eventually...

I always have ways of making my own form of karma bite people in the ass. I might not have many friends, but those I do have aren't afraid to help me make someone else's life a living hell for a little while. I love causing havoc for people. It's one of my favorite things in life: chaos. Chaos and my dark side are what get me by.