I Still Carry The Pain [Harb one-shot]

Sometimes it feels like hardly any time has passed since I made my escape from the arena, but other times it feels like a complete lifetime ago. I'm older. Much older. I was eighteen. Now I have a family of my own, and my daughter is nearly eighteen too. I've watched half my life go by, and I still always wonder why I'm still standing where I am today. It's hard to believe that next year I'll have survived twenty years. I lost many friends in that arena, but my closest friend died by my hand. Sometimes I wonder where she would be now in life had I not killed her and she made it out of that crazy games alive. I can't focus on that though because of how bad it hurts.

Recently I took up a new hobby. I don't do much these days, but I try to be the dad my children need me to be, and I try to be the husband Navya needs me to be. I feel like I fail a lot, yet I keep trying. I just needed something new to do, so I decided that I would start carving little trinkets out of wood. It's challenging because I never know what to do with the trinkets until today. I'm going to make something in honor of my friend, Chloe. I've tried a few times to carve a koala, and each time it never gets any easier. I've ruined so many of them, but maybe with some time and patience I can make the perfect one.

I sit on the porch in my rocking chair just feeling the gentle breeze. I don't know where the kids are or what they're doing, but right now I know they'll all be okay. It's the perfect time to play. District eleven is often warm, but today it isn't too bad. The summer is coming, and those months are harder than most. I'm used to it though because it's pretty much all I know. This tiny koala will never make up for what I did, nor will it fix the pain I carry for all times. My heart hurts, but I hope this can make it better.