Beautiful Release (Harb one-shot)

It's a relief. Vera is safe. She never has to worry about going into the hunger games, and sometimes I just hope that she doesn't get married, and she doesn't have kids of her own, but I can't stop her from living her life. It's hard to focus on that, though. Twenty years ago, I was almost at the end of my reaping age, and I was chosen, and now my life is entirely different. A lot of things are wonderful. My family is my world, my everything. Navya is wonderful, and I just try to be the best husband and father I can be. But today is different. I'm at the Capital with a couple of tributes, and I don't even feel like mentoring them. Of course, they deserve the best, and maybe once I clear my mind, I can offer them some advice. I look at the koala I carved a few days before the reaping, and right now I just want to say goodbye. Chloe has been on my mind since I killed her, and maybe it's time I move on, but I don't know if I can.

I slowly make my way through the arena museum. It's sickening that this exists, but it's a good thing really. It gives me a chance to come back here as many times as I want. I can see where everything took place, not that it never leaves my mind, yet it serves as a good reminder of what I went through. It also offers me a chance to release the weight I carry. Twenty-three people died so I can live, and it's hard to live through, but I make do for my family. But as I get closer, it's hard not to stop my eyes from tearing up. I watch tributes kill their own allies so many times, and here I am still struggling over the fact that I chose to live and killed my friend. Chloe was more than an ally, and she'll always have a place in my heart. It's hard not to feel guilty over what I did. I take a deep breath before moving further into the arena. I have something on my mind, and I need to do it.

Seeing her statue brings me to my knees. Seeing where I killed her, seeing her face my heart shatters, and I don't know what to do, but I look at the tiny koala, and then I look at her. "It's been twenty years." Twenty years of carrying a weight. Twenty years of letting the games hold me back. Twenty years of struggling. "I've carried you with me for twenty years, and as much as I want to keep you with me, I don't know if I can." My voice breaks as I speak, and I can't help the tears flowing from my eyes. "I think about you every day. I think of our friendship, and I think of the moment I killed you. It haunts me." I lay the koala down at her feet and wipe the tears from my eyes. "I want to let you rest. I want to remove this weight." I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I'm ready. I don't think I'll ever be ready. "But I don't think I'm ready yet. I don't think I'll ever be."

Sitting on the ground, I pick the koala back up again and look at it closely. Maybe I can put the bad memories to rest, and maybe I can look at the good memories. The times we spent together. The times we laughed. Those were the good times. Thinking of those brings a smile to my face, and I place the koala back down on the ground. "I'll always remember you, even if I try to put you to rest. You were a friend. You are a friend, and you will always have a special place in my heart." I push myself into a standing position. "I just hope I was a good friend to you too despite everything." I turn to walk away feeling different than I had before. Focusing on life in a new way is important, and maybe I can tell my kids the story of Chloe. She's a brave person, and her story is one I will share forever. That much is a promise because I feel like I owe it to her.