speak like a child ; fenrir/ace
Oct 14, 2022 19:34:55 GMT -5
Post by Cait on Oct 14, 2022 19:34:55 GMT -5
ace bellisario
I never mean to end up in the places I do. It always just comes to happen, one foot in front of the other, up and up and up darkened stairwells. Through doors that should be locked, truthfully, but always seem to be conveniently left ajar for me to discover.
The night air is cool as it kisses my face, sends wisps of hair flying around my face, cotton candy whispers. An iron railing barricades me in, confining me to the centre of a small rooftop miles above the city of Panem. The world below me is touched by shadows, with no stars here to light up the night. There is only the quiet spell of the calm before the storm, and no hope of finding my way back home.
I wonder how many other children have been here before me. Spent the last night of the life that they’ve always known contemplating death, humanity. Face to face with all the fears that only come out at 2am.
It would be easy to put all of those anxieties to sleep, right now. And I can feel my fingers twitching at the thought of the freefall, impulsivity like adrenaline through my bloodstream.
I thought I wanted to get out. I thought there was no other choice for a failure of a Bellisario one year away from D-Day. I thought this was easier – leaving before that inevitable exile. But I think I just wanted to belong.
I don’t think it matters anymore.
I am here and I am alone, like I always have been. Maybe it wasn’t supposed to be like this, but it’s all I will ever know.
I will not cry.
The railing comes to meet me swiftly. I swing my legs over the beam and balance precariously over the edge, drinking in the world around me. Good and bad, light and dark, the ebb and flow of it all.