Just Wanna Scream (Harbinger 92nd)

Charlotte. She didn't have to volunteer to save my nephew, Azar, from being in the hunger games as well as my son, Manwe who tried volunteering again. She didn't have to give him a second chance at life. I've been through it many times with my family dying because I won, but she proved to me that, even if she volunteered for a selfish reason, that someone cares enough to give my family a chance at life. In return, I want to be the best mentor I can this year and maybe bring home someone alive as a way to say I'm thankful.

Now that I'm at the capitol, I have studied as much as I can, and I've done what I can to help the tributes prepare for the games even though I feel like I didn't do much, yet a lot is still on my mind. After so many years of losing my family, I realize just how close my family is to being safe again. Vera is safe. The triples have one more year, and then I have to worry about my other daughter. Then maybe I can breathe again, but I push those thoughts away because I want to make sure I did enough to prepare district eleven for battle. But even now, I'm unsure if I've done enough.

Watching the bloodbath is always scary, but I focus hard and keep my fingers crossed that maybe they listened to the trainers as they ventured through the training center. I watch as people die, and my heart sinks into my stomach. I can't care about everyone though since only one will live, and the two from eleven are important to me, and I turn away from the games for a while once I know the bloodbath is over because I need a chance to sit back and relax. I need to focus on something else, something that can make me less anxious. That's when I hear it.

"Breaking news. Patricia Valfierno dies at the age of 42."

It takes me a moment to realize what I've just heard, and I'm staring at the screen completely dumbfounded. I hated her for so long because she killed Crusader. I refused to talk to her even after all this time since I wanted nothing to do with her. But she's a victim, I'm a victor, I should've understood that she was simply doing whatever she had to do in order to survive. Out of all the years I could've forgiven her, I simply refused to put my stubbornness aside, and now I'll never have the chance to. I had twenty years to talk to her and to let go of the anger I had inside me, yet I couldn't.

I slide down in the chair I was sitting in, and I place my head on the table. One thing I should've learned from winning the games and watching so many people die is that forgiveness is important. I always wanted to apologize, but I never did and now I'll never have the chance to. My heart is shattering, and all I want to do is simply find a way to turn back time. I know I can't, but maybe the only way to move forward is to find the other victors who won the games my family has died in and tell them I finally forgive them.