lorcan d1 ✵ cb

✵

Thank God Ratmas is over. 

Lorcan took refuge in the silence that prevailed over his home when he made it back from his father's. They ate a feast, turkey and greens and cornbread, and he left as soon as he could after. Breathed quietly as he closed the door behind him, as the darkness of the house devours him. His mother keeps the light out these days, she's the ever recluse and he's careful not to step in her webs. 

It feels like a trap, speaking to either of his parents. A set up designed against him - he threw away the less desirable gifts his father gave him this year. Makes it easier to make his mother feel better, to give her the leg up she so desperately craves. Career mentality is an illness, and he only recognizes how sick he's become when he's stuck with Padrig. 

They used to be thick as thieves, twin brothers playing in creeks and mud and lighting ants on fire. At some point, the love stopped. His mother forced them out of the house, he and Padrig and their dad, and he still remembers the shitty motel chains they stayed in for a month as the divorce settled. 

And it never came. 

He wishes it had. Something official, something he could wrap his mind around, but instead they separated for good. When given the option to stay or go back home, Lorcan didn't realize what he was signing up for. His mother always told him the difference between a boy and a man is someone who can. That's the stark comparison between him and Paddy. 

A man, and a boy.