paris v lindsay, day 5

I hope Heather is still out there. I think... I think I love her.

As a friend.

"Hey! I'm not poor! I paid for my own therapy last year, and it cost THOUSANDS!"

[ lindsay attacks paris ]

SgniyhULRhwhip

[ 6101 -- Welt on Back -- 2.5 damage ]

I don't like this girl. There can only be one pretty, hot, blonde girl, and it sure as hell isn't Heather. Which means it can only be me. This girl needs to do some serious reflecting! How dare she speak about me like that? What kind of animal is she?!

But I'll always offer advice to a fellow gal pal when she needs it.

"I went on a Tibetan retreat. Lots of monks and gongs... I came back feeling amazing. You should try it! I heard they love helping even the most far gone!"

[ lindsay attacks paris ]

8d_CSVrbs7whip

[ 6137 -- Deep Gash on Stomach -- 9.0 damage ]

Something tells me that this girl's coping mechanism is white and powdery. I used to love baking too, but there comes a time where you have to stop wasting your time on carbs and focussing on what really matters: being hot!

And she is not! Those sunglasses are so tacky.

[ lindsay attacks paris ]

k4AWQ2NMAnwhip

[ 6190 -- Miss -- 0.0 damage ]

Ugh! Come on, whip, I know you're better than this! Just think, Lindsay... WWAHGD?

What would a hot girl do?

She'd steer clear of any vacation advertising itself as a peaceful, relaxing retreat when it's obviously some murder game. This stress is ageing me by decades! I'll need some facial rejuvenation when this is all over. A hot girl would totally do that. UGH, come on, CACHOW!!!

[ lindsay attacks paris ]

6OiflZQ6bwwhip

[ 6035 -- Block -- 0.0 damage ]

Making the sound effect out loud doesn't seem to be helping. I need Heather.

"HEATHER??? I REALLY NEED YOU RIGHT NOW!"

[ lindsay attacks paris ]

QPjBZEeQefwhip

[ 6138 -- Shallow Cut on Back of Head -- 4.5 damage ]

Heather isn't coming. And now apparently she doesn't like me? WHAT? I knew I couldn't trust her! Ugh! I don't know why I ever trusted her. She's a backstabber. Heather, I really hate you right now! And one day, when I'm in heaven and you're in hell, I'll be laughing at you! Yes! Yes! Yes I will!

[ lindsay attacks paris ]

dk5ooChnNCwhip

[ 6009 -- Shallow Cut on Right Bicep -- 3.5 damage ]

I didn't ask about your threesome! Have a little compassion right now, a girl is hurting! Ugh, and I just got my eyebrows threaded on Thursday too. Thank heavens I made friends with those Buddhist monks in Tibet, because I think karma is totally on my side after all that. 

Breathe, Lindsay, breathe.

It's going to be okay.

NO IT'S NOT!!!!!!!

[ lindsay attacks paris ]

Y8Ecovhjv4whip

[ 6194 -- Deep Gash on Back -- 8.5 damage ]