sampson's drag race 💃

No way-
Bitch NO way.
Frida?! Bitch, I thought I could smell fake jewelry 
UH? (Fake Jewelry?! That's about the only thing real ON ME?)
Oh my goddd you look stunnerina for real
Thanks girl someone had to carry the face card
Gagged

Wait... this isn't Panem's Got Talent? Oh well, another finale waiting for me <3 

District 2 in the house, I'm Vittoria from Haus of Antoinette. If you haven't heard of me, perhaps you've heard of my mother, Cricket? Most people have, and yes, winning runs in the family. Anything these girls can do, I can do in higher heels. I sing, dance, sew, slay, and I'm a career, so I have a six pack. 

These Capitolite girls have it easy, drag in District 2 is sparse and the talent is even thinner. Shame I'm hogging it all. Once I'm done posing for the intro, me and the other two queens start sniffing each other out and I'm afraid they smell like knock off perfume. Twiddle dee and twiddle dum better not unpack too much.

Ciao girls x

(Vittoria): "Gaultier? Like, Lorraine?!" I'm not going to tell her this, but I was a Lorraine stan. I brought a bedazzled I Kill Kids t-shirt with me and everything, but now that I know competition is here I can't give her a big head. Remind me to burn that shirt, immediately! "Imagine your biggest representation being a 7th placer," I fake throwing up but I feel sick for real. 

"Keep talking and you might be a 7th placer too, girl," okay, okay, "especially with those boy brows."

"Excuse me bitch? You think Miss "Drag since Birth" would be able to execute good make up, or you know, recognize it." 

"And you think Cricket would know better to send you out the house looking like that." 

"DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT MY MOTHER!" 

I'm GAGGING! 

Get it? It's because my name's Ash Fixiation! Probably would have been funnier if you knew the name first but hey, I don't control the fucking format. Anyways, nice to meet you hi, I'm your new favorite crunchy drag queen. I'm SO excited to meet my sisters because normally other queens run in the other direction from me. My whole gig is like, interviewing people, and I'm really good at asking the questions nobody else will - like how big's your **-

1, 2, 3, 4... no WAY I'm the last one in?! All the other girls look super close already and so I just awkwardly shuffle my way into the group like heyyyy lol. I'm such a disaster in group settings, why do you think all my interviews are 1 on 1? Maybe if I just smile and laugh a lot I'll survive this.

(Frida) "Now I KNOW that's not Ash walking in here" 
"Heyy sis-"
"I thought your career died after that interview where you brought up Aloysius's bald spot. It's good to see you again gal!"
"UH. Okay. Bitch."
"???" 

I cannot STAND Ash Fixation. I actively celebrated when I thought she quit drag, she does nothing but make everything about herself, and there's hardly anything good to say in the first place. Like, if you know nobody's saying good things, why are you trying so hard to be talked about?! I don't understand it, but I'll be so embarrassed for her when she goes home first. I mean, it's a TALENT show honey. It's for the TALENTED girls. 

Now what the hell was that? That was painful to watch, Wilder you are in trouble. I'd be memorizing lyrics on the sidelines if I were you, but luckily, I'm not! The best part of Wilder's set being over is now we can get to the real entertainment: me. 

I come out all smiles with my three little hoops, but trust me the children aren't ready for what they're about to witness. "Hoola hooping is my passion," I say over the dance track before I start with one ring slowly around my snatched waist. It's kind of like belly dancing but full body. I add a second ring and start shaking ass as the hoola hoops swing on my hips. 

One more and boom, she's a triple threat! Andddd dip on the beat, yuh

[ sexy hoola-hooping ]
VsGlqT1c|f1-20