zali mae / capitol

Good morning, Panem!

Welcome to your weekly episode of Deetz, with me, Ms. Moreau. Today's topic? Family.

I know, I know. I talk about this quite a bit. Mostly because it shaped me as a young girl and I know it has done the same for some of you. But they're family, you know? And always will be. You can't change 'em, can't get rid of 'em even if you wanted to. And I know some of you and I are on the same page in that regard. You all know there's no love lost between me and mine. If there is one thing I'm good at, it's being the biggest and baddest black sheep of the Moreau clan. I'm pretty sure the only ones who even like me are my nieces, and that's probably because I'm so fun, and amazing, and chill. Unlike their father.

Obviously. 
My brother is such a wet blanket; it's embarrassing.

My mother would say it's because I'm past my prime and husbandless, childless, directionless. Nevermind my career as a talk-show host, or my magazine that I single-handedly started. And from the ground out of nothing has become one of the most purchased and read magazines in the country. None of that matters, right, Ma? All because I don't have an annoying ass man who can't find where the clit is stinking up my bed and dirtying my house. Gee, why wouldn't I want that?

Anyway, I digress - y'all know how bad my ADHD is, goodness gracious! Back to the point: family. It's what you make it, if you ask me. In my humble opinion, it doesn't always boil down to who shares your blood or your name. TRUST, that shit means nothing. You can choose who you want to let in that close, okay? Don't ever let anyone tell you any different. If I did, I'd probably be having brunch with my mother and some boring man she'd picked out for me. Or going to mass with my brother and his wife and daughter. Or something else equally as miserable and lobotomy inducing. 

*hysterical laughter*

Okay, let me shut up real quick. We'll be right back after a short message from our sponsors. Coming up: five minutes  with last year's victor of the Hunger Games, Andal Searly! Stay tuned, y'all.