just answers [johnny&flynn] 93rd

There is no family to see me off. No family that cared anyways. Ma was probably off her face, dad was a nameless man, mostly because Ma could barely remember the names of her children let alone the men that found themselves in her bed. My sisters... I don't even remember the last time I saw them- I knew that Sandy had gotten herself arrested a few years back. And Betty? She had tried to set her life on the right path, found a clueless man to marry, and started popping out babies. Needless to say, she wanted nothing to do with us.

The room they stuff me into is silent, windows bolted shut- I know this because as soon as the doors closed behind me I had tested them, eager to escape the death sentence I had just been charged with. Defeated, I fall into one of the sofas that decorated the room, keenly aware of just how clean it was, suddenly aware of the smell that was drifting from my armpits. "Hey! Hey!" I yell from my seated spot on the couch, waiting for the door to open a sliver, and a face to peak in.

"I need the bathroom, surely using the bathroom is allowed? Or is the valued tribute from six supposed to shit himself on this couch?" After a moment of hesitation, the door opens wider and he signals for me to follow him a couple of doors down to the right. "I need a clean shirt- also some soap, one that smells like sandalwood." Each demand has the scowl on the peacekeepers face growing, but as the bathroom is locked behind me I hear footsteps fade. Shrugging off my shirt I grab a generous handful of paper towels, running them under the tap to saturate them.

A knock on the door is followed by a shirt and a bar of plain scentless soap is tossed at my feet. "You have 5 minutes," they grunt as the door is slammed behind me.

"You have 5 minutes!" I mock, rolling my eyes as I snatch up the soap and aggressively rub it on the soaking-wet towels. Quickly I wipe down the essentials. Pits, tits, and bits are something that my mum used to say to me and my sisters when she wasn't off her face on whatever drugs she could get her hands on that day. A mantra that I follow to this day. Once satisfied I slip off the clean, worn shirt that had been supplied.

Suddenly the peacekeeper is knocking on the door, it was time to board the train.

I hadn't seen Flynn yet, he had disappeared before I had even turned around, the space next to Teddy had been empty as I was escorted to my holding area. I was anxious to see him, what had Mr. Garner told him? What hadn't he told him? What had happened on the day of his arrest? I had only heard the whispers, and rumors that were carried on the wind. Had Mr. Garner threatened Flynn and his sisters? I wouldn't put it passed the man. He would do anything to protect his secrets- I knew that better than most.

As soon as my entourage enter the train we are faced with Flynn Garner. And he didn't look too happy.

"Flynn-"

Suddenly the young victor has me by the wrist, dragging me through the main carriage until he finds the first door before shoving me in, and closing the door behind us. As soon as the room is sealed shut he explodes, his voice filling the small bathroom. ”WHY DID YOU NEVER FUCKING TELL ME?” He yells, pacing the small room, but still refusing to look me in the eye. ”What exactly did you do for my grandpa? And why? Just tell me everything, Johnny!”

He didn't know. He mustn't have spoken to his grandfather yet as I did not doubt that the man would have held nothing back, telling Flynn about everything I had done. Perhaps he would have even fabricated the severity of my crimes, using the pathetic little criminal he had hired as a space goat to take the fall, to reduce the amount of damage that he, himself, would have to take.

"Flynn," I say quietly, for the first time since I met him, my face didn't carry its characteristic grin. "Flynn look at me, damn it!" I cry, grabbing hold of his shoulder in an attempt to get him to see me. "There is a lot about me, about my past that you don't know- that no one knows. I didn't grow up in a loving household. I didn't have a family, sisters, or grandparents, to support me. I was on my own. It was just me. I did what I had to do to survive. And I won't apologise for that." I pause, releasing his shoulders and taking a seat on the edge of the bathtub, running a hand roughly through dirty hair. "I grew up on the wrong side of the tracks... and I made a mistake, one that landed me in Mr. Garner's employment."

It had been stupid of me. Danny, one of the kids who I used to team up with to carry out our runs, had ensured me that the trip to Mr. Garner's lab to steal some of the expensive pharmaceuticals he was producing would go without a hitch. Only his recon had been incorrect and he had missed an integral layer of security that had sent me right into the hands of Declan Garner. The man had done his research on me because he knew my past, the crimes on my name, and my family and he used that to control me.

And I had let him.

”Damn, you Johnny!” Tears form in the corner of Flynn's eyes and I watch as they slip down his cheeks. Flynn wipes them away so quickly, as though he refused to allow himself to cry. It hurt to see him like this. To see him so distressed over the secrets that lingered between us. And I wanted to tell him the truth, to tell him everything, but I couldn't- I couldn't because I was ashamed of myself. I couldn't because the less he knew the better protected he would be, not just by the law, but also by his grandfather. I couldn't because even though the old man was in custody, I was still scared of him and what he could do to me. I couldn't because I was scared that he would forever look at me differently, kind of like how he was glaring at me now with tear-stained cheeks.

”You are better than your upbringing Johnny but I don’t care about that right now-"

"How do you know that!?" I bite back, because how the hell did he know? He had no idea what it was like growing up in a home not knowing when and if you would be eating dinner that night. He had no idea what it was like to be so desperate for warm clothing in the winter that you had no choice but to take it from those more fortunate. Maybe it was unfair of me, maybe I was just being overly sensitive because I hadn't slept properly for two weeks, or because I was on a one-way trip to a shallow grave, but his words almost felt patronising.

"You must have known what you were doing was wrong," of course I knew that! But it was either that or locked away in a cell to rot. And I choose the version of freedom that kept me shackled to a sociopath, because at least then I could live. "You still pursued me despite knowing what you were doing with my grandpa. Not that I even know the details because you won’t tell me!” He was looking at me with an expression that made my fists clench into tight balls. It wasn't the anger that got to me. The anger I could understand. It was the disapproval.

I was never going to be enough for him, was I?

"Don't be so naive Flynn, this isn't about you! It's not so simple as just telling my boss's grandson, who I was secretly- what dating?- about the shady shit that was happening in his basement. You couldn't even bring yourself to tell anyone about me! Hell, just being seen in public with me was enough to have you cringing!" It was the first time I had ever said the words out loud and that filled the space between us. Flynn wasn't being honest with himself, he was embarrassed by me- he wanted me but only when it was just the two of us. When he could hide me away from the public eye, from his own fucking family.

"I pursued you because I liked you!"

”Were you just trying to seduce me so you could use me for one of grandpa’s experiments? Was any of this even real?”

Are you fucking kidding me?

This time it was me who saw red, frustration, and annoyance forcing me to sigh with exasperation. I was exhausted.

"Seriously? Do I look like someone who would seduce another because I was told too?"

I jump up from my spot on the tub, arms crossed defensively across my chest. "I told you that day, in front of your house, that I wasn't here to play fucking games. To waste time. And I meant it. I still do mean it. The work I was doing for your grandfather has absolutely nothing to do with the way I feel about you."

I was skirting around the main elephant in the room, I knew it and Flynn sure as hell did.

Flynn was conflicted. It was written so clearly across his face as he debated whether or not he could forgive me. He was missing details, details that I held close to my chest as I watched his internal battle. I should tell him. Just fix it so that I could salvage whatever was left between us. But Declan Garner was not someone that I was willing to mess with- but was he really a threat when in just a matter of days I could be dead? Were these secrets really worth losing something that meant so much to me?

Why was I still letting the man control my life?

I had such little time left, it would be stupid to waste it.

But it hurt when Flynn looked at me like I was worth as much as the dirt he walked on. It reminded me of how his grandfather had first looked at me, like I was worthless, a criminal, and nothing more. But unlike his grandfather, when Flynn looked at me there was something else there, something that made me want to trust him. Because deep down I knew that he didn't think I was a worthless piece of shit. He was confused, lost, and desperate for answers. Because underneath all these messy emotions, I saw the eyes of the boy who begged me to kiss him again, who opened up his heart and let me in. Those eyes that I loved so much.

Flynn was pacing again, the tension in the room palpable. ”You know he literally threatened my life when the peacekeepers raided the factory? He put my sisters in the hospital. They even arrested me!”

So the rumours were true. Declan Garner cared more about the illegal experiments going undercover than his own Grandchildren. It was sick and twisted, but not surprising. I had known the man for years and I had watched his obsession grow. He was insatiable in his need to find the answers. To create the ultimate- whatever the fuck it was that he was manufacturing. I was never allowed to ask questions, that was not in my job description.

He mentions that during his interrogation he neglected to mention my name, confirming that Mr. Garner had wasted no time in throwing me under the bus. Maybe keeping the truth from Flynn was part of Mr. Garner's game, proving that even with the growing distance between us I was still nothing but a rat caught in his claws. Maybe by keeping quiet was a mistake. Maybe I wasn't protecting Flynn as much as I was protecting myself.

Ugh, this was just one big fucking mess.

I was not usually the relationship kind of guy. I was the kind of guy who liked to flirt, mess around and have some fun. I was the guy who never called back. Yeah, that ass hole. But there was something about Flynn Garner. And each time we parted, I was always left wanting more. Which was so fucking annoying right about now because it left plenty of room to get hurt. Something that was easily avoided when you never let anyone close enough to get hurt. It was so stupid of me to allow myself to catch feelings for a boy like Flynn Garner. So fucking stupid.

And yet here we stood, both a raging storm of emotions, of anger and frustration and hurt.

And despite all of that I still wanted-

Suddenly hands grab me before shoving me and I am sent flat on my ass into the belly of the tub. ”I am not forgiving you for this but I need to work on saving your ass again. If it really deserves to be saved. But first, you need a wash.” I look up at him from my place in the tub, my shock quickly turning into embarrassment because I did not doubt that I smelt like a teenage boy who refused to wear deodorant or shower.

"Fine," I say as I slip off my boots and socks, throwing them onto the floor as I watched Flynn. My shirt goes next and I toss it next to my shoes. "You can stay if you want," I say with a grin, because despite everything that was happening I couldn't stop myself, and I wanted a distraction. Even if the distraction I needed came from the one that I was needing to be distracted from.