w8 4 u ✁ theo&cap

I already got my ears railed by my momma.

"Now, Theo, what the hell were you thinking? Is this some of that forest nymph shit that your father used to tell you? Keep your word? Word don't mean shit, here. You know that? Where his word toward me? Where is your damn brain, kid? I swear, I raised you better than that, That basket case-" Momma went on for what felt like hours, and all I could do was sit there and realize, damn. I did fuck up. The worst part is that this isn't some fuck up I can sweep under the rug. I can't pretend that it just didn't happen. This isn't an exy match where I can square up and score the next goal.

She left, and my ears rang at a single, high whistle. And I sat in that silence. There ain't nobody else that would come up here, I thin- "AYE MAN?!" The door slams shut in the face of the voice, leaving just new one body in the room. Cap. But there's silence; nothing happens. The silence say it all. Cap's a damn sports leader, not an individual's therapist. We're just... here. Am I supposed to give somethin' to the dude? "man, I don't even know what to say." Beat. "You still feelin' bold?" Bold how, man? The fuck am I gonna do; whip open the curtain facing the square and pull my dick out? There is nothing I can do to get myself outta' this shit. A huff, and I throw my hand on my knee, my head falling forward simultaneously.

Woods means a lot to me. More than the other guys. More than my momma, my father. More than that stupid fuckin' binder of writing he left in my room before he disappeared. He gets me. We're on the field, warehouse, and changing rooms. Woods is in every corner of my life that doesn't involve my family; at a certain point, the captain become mine. The other guys came part of it, too, until they decided to force me to volunteer.

"I don't fuckin' know what to do." Another huff. "What can I do, man?" A pang hits my chest, a feeling that normally happens when the damn ball hits me square in the gap between my ribs. I feel empty. My eyes meet the door, and I hear a bunch of thudding on the door, begging to bet let in. Probably the warehouse fuckers that I could use a few wads of spit on before knocking a tooth out. "They want to come in here?" A pop of a knuckle. "We can take 'em, right?"

I'll have to pop a bitch anyway, so we can start early. A wallowing of fear, a prayer to sit down and let my body cry boils in the back of my mind. But I can't. I won't.

"You really wanna do that? I mean, Axton and Sinatra ain't shit really," Woods cracks his neck and equally puts his body in the mode to fight, and fuck, maybe I did love him. The dude is willing to take the people that have formed his core family, core crew and tear it apart. Tear down the bonds that replaced his blood. Which, for a second, makes me want to commit to the idea of busting a tooth. But I can't. As much as I want to use all this anger and put it into fighting, I can't. He shouldn't be fighting for something that can't even guarantee itself. "I'm down if you are. They ain't worth a damn to me anymore, anyways."

I bend away from the desire and let out a deep sigh. "No, no. It's not worth it." I sit back down, giving way to the realization that I'm really in this shit for the long run. "Gotta make sure you have someone. We don't wanna rely on me comin' back." I look up at him and have a pit in my stomach. It returned. And I don't know what to do. I don't know if I should hug, cry, or give up. Part of me wants to sit silent and accept my fate, but I know I shouldn't. "Besides. Y'all gotta stay united for the league. Shit's starting back up." If they focus on the league, maybe Woods don't gotta worry about me. I'll just be another face that's been torn from the story. "I hope, at least, with this rose plague shit dyin' down."