guided by a beating heart {Mav + Johnny}

"The trouble is not in dying for a friend, but in finding a friend worth dying for."
- Mark Twain

Training is exhausting, but instead of honing his skills, Mav has spent vast majority of the time simply wandering around without a care in the world. Kindness can only carry him so far, but maybe others will see that he's just a bloke wearing his emotions on his sleeve. Having a heart of gold in times like these isn't any good. None of it will change though, and even in the darkest of situations, Maverick wants the light to shine through. Saving Ezera wasn't for show. No, there's so much more to it, and if anyone knew his story, maybe then they would understand why it was so important for Mav to give the kid another chance at life.

Now he finds himself moving through the dining hall looking at tall the food, and it brings tears to his eyes. He has the chance to stuff his face with as much food as possible while his family barely has enough food to have one solid meal a day. So many times, he's divided what they had into thirds so they could eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It's a shame, a disgrace because he's from such a cool district, yet his story is hard, his shoes are beaten and broken. Sometimes all he wants is a chance to explain, to share what he's been through, but what makes his story worse than someone else's?

I'm sorry. He mutters silently under his breath as he piles several helpings of food on his plate. Trying something from every district is important to him, but his mind constantly turns back to the broken dreams of a family back home barely able to fend for themselves.

How can I say I love them when I abandoned them?

Pushing those thoughts away is difficult, it's hard because it consumes his mind when he isn't doing something, and now that he wants to eat, there isn't anything to do to push them away.

What will happen to them if I die?

It's the biggest question on his mind, and even thinking of it makes his knees weak and his stomach churn. Taking care of them is all he knew, and now that he has a chance to see life outside district four, Mav regrets every decision he's made to this point. Life isn't everything he thought it would be.

After piling some sweet potato pie onto his plate, Mav makes his way to an empty table where he sits all by himself as tears threaten to fall down his face. The last thing he needs is for anyone to see him crying. Even the water doesn't taste good, it offers nothing, and it doesn't help quinch the thirst for more.

Thinking about anything else is impossible because right now all he can see is the tear-filled eyes of his siblings and mother as they took their time saying goodbye.

I'm sorry I let you down.

Life is only going to get more difficult from here, but it's up to him to decide which way his legacy goes, and maybe this is where he makes a change. His family is his world, and being seen and remembered as such is the only way to create something for his family so nobody will ever be forgotten.