acting heartless but i'm not scarless | m³ v s³ | 5

Haizea holds the bloodied wrappings close before tucking it into her bag of many things. 

Rebellion. 

She wouldn't even know how- she doesn't know how. Ever the rule follower, even in a place as lawless as the arena. She's tried honor, she's tried a moral code, it's breaking her down how impossible it is to feel good about yourself, so she stopped. Evolved into simply being for however long she has left. She sheds herself in tears as she's held by Brennan, sobbing so hard in grief it takes a minute or two to realize he's been crying beside her the whole time. 

Haizea thinks of Yani, her daring cousin. Braver in every way imaginable, her fight at the district square still vivid in her mind through everything. They pushed her face in concrete and she hasn't seen her since; she'll see her again. Haizea'll make sure of that. Racnoss, Sato, Belmont, spoken like the names of queens, she knows enough to know what Brennan's telling her won't ever make it to broadcast. 

Neither will her response: "they better hope we don't make it out of here then." 

---

Without Amaterasu, they take longer night watches. Everything once cut into fours is now reshaped for their trio, they push on trying to forget what they've lost. I've mourned enough, she thinks to herself, limiting herself from her own sorrows. She's already resigned to needing years of therapy after this, for now she'll pretend nothing's ever wrong. This is all a game, and she, a player, that's how this all works. The gamemakers play God and she delivers. 

Her watch goes even longer as she finds Brennan and Pierce cuddled with each other, the base they've built up feeling smaller than it has before somehow. She waits at the mouth of the cave for what feels like a few hours longer, watching the sunrise alone and wondering where the colors come from. God's not real, the sun's not real, but she's looking right at it. She's looking right at blues and violets and brilliant oranges, yet she knows better now than to believe it. 

Not anymore, at least. 

The boys wake and they set off not too long there after. Pierce, Brennan and Haizea, what's left of the wealth and what's left of their sanity. They have all the room in the world to explore yet she feels as if she's gone stir crazy, weary off a bad night's rest. All she can think of is how badly she wants to get out already, day 5 of 9, so close but so far. This is where things get even harder, she's been lucky to sustain zero injuries but she anticipates war. 

"Maybe we can get up to the top of the mountain without an ambush today."

"Doubt it," she says after a chuckle.

They follow Brennan's lead today, Haizea too spacey to make a decision. If she had it her way, they'd stay at the base all day until the gamemakers pry them out, with flood or freeze or flash storm. Instead, they take the high road - literally, marching back up the stretch of mountain towards the greater peak. The entire trek she figured they'd be interrupted with an announcement, something to draw everyone back together, but things always have a way of finding them it seems.

Brennan's clutches her hand and she instinctively holds her breath until he points out the target: careers. Without Brennan's district partner, she wonders if they axed him themselves until she sees Maverick Marlow.

There's a moment where she tugs at Brennan, wanting to head back down and far, far away from what's about to transpire. Maverick is a good person, she knows that at least, he helped her through the roughest part of her combat training and that very well could have been what aided in ending Dorothy Hope the day prior. Beside him is Dyno Moreno, a boy she's been warned to avoid since the very beginning.

Well, shit.

She looks to Pierce, wondering if he thinks this is any part as crazy as she does, but he looks onward. If they're to kill the careers, this is the only way - an ambush. Just like Svetlana and Dorothy yesterday, Brennan's already learning from their past mistakes. Strategy is almost all they have to think of in here, and so she agrees to fight, she knows it's the only way.

With a nod, she wields her newest weapon, running her fingers across the king etching. She avoids looking at the careers until it's time to pounce, saving her what if's for herself. There's a hesitation and a reluctancy that'll get her killed otherwise, so she follows Brennan without a second thought - "I'm right behind you," she says, before attacking Rene Sumner.

[ attacks rene with king katana ]
gMGPNQy3Hg200+1000
[ 1015 -- Deep Gash on Right Bicep -- 8.0 damage + 1 weapon ]

"Sorry to ruin your morning," she says as the blood flows, the red headed career already not looking too good. This has to work, she thinks to herself, it has to, it has to. There's a second where she makes eye contact with Maverick and regrets it, a feeling of guilt or shame settling into her stomach. "I killed someone, Maverick," she admits, as if to check if he'd be proud or disgusted. As if to say, I'll do it again, in the slyest of ways. 

There's a somber moment, meeting Maverick here like this, that she feels overwhelmed by. His congratulations does nothing for her pride but make her feel gross, ashamed almost; she doesn't know why. Part of her hoped he would judge her, call her heartless, make her feel guilty for speaking of it like a victory. She killed somebody, and they talk about it as if it's just another part of the game. 

Dorothy Hope lost her life; +1 for Haizea. 

"Just don't lose sight of yourself now that you've tasted blood," Maverick advises her, and at first she just nods. It has the same affect on her as advice from Harbinger did, and she realizes she respects the careers much more than she thought before. They come with a head start, but they aren't bad people, not anymore than Haizea herself was becoming. "Thank you," she says to Maverick, "and I won't," she speaks mostly to her sword, quieter than before. 

She doesn't look Maverick in the eyes again, once she diverts her gaze she tries to get back into game mode. The attacks on Pierce and Brennan come quick, just as she imagined they would, but she steadies herself in the midst of it. In previous fights she always lost herself mid-combat, her senses under attack by the drum of war. She'd see, hear, smell and taste death coming yesterday, it's difficult not to lose yourself to it or the madness that comes in tandem. 

Rene is the last to attack, and Haizea tries not to fall smitten to her beauty. Gorgeous red hair, just like Brennan's, her heart tugs as she imagines how proud her career parents must be of her and her kill. Strange, almost, she tries not to picture how her own mother must be weeping when she watches. You've killed, I've killed, Rene's killed, it's almost a sign of the times. Coming to age as simple as taking a life, "so has Brennan," Haizea says with a cold stone face. 

Almost as if to say don't count us out, the unexpected. Rene calls them a bunch of fools and she can't help but agree for different reasons. She readies her sword again, defensively, just as Pierce taught her after his outing with Svetlana. It's the only thing between her and the enemy's weapon, wield it as such. "Do you not do the same attacking Pierce with his busted leg? He hasn't caught a break in days," this late in the game, tributes can smell blood from a mile away.

Death isn't too far from it. 

"You shouldn't spend your last words degrading yourself, Rene," she says, circling her like a scorpion waiting to strike, just as Dyno torments Pierce. Her hands shake, but her knees are steady. You're still a threat, Rene, the weakest of them could still take Haizea one on one, no question. There's a now or never moment sinking in that she can't ignore, "you deserve better than that." 

[ attacks rene with king katana ]
XwHJ4qN7Xf200+1000
[ 1028 -- Severed Right Foot at Ankle -- 9.0 damage + 1 weapon ]

〖    b r e n n a n    f i t z g e r a l d    〗

Haizea pops up from my backside, wielding the new sword that she'd found in the ruins yesterday. My eyes widen as it's the first time since the bloodbath that I've ever seen her wield something in close proximity to other tributes. I back up to the stone pillars again, careful to give her the space to do what she needs after my turn didn't do enough. She speaks with a chip on her shoulder like she knows the odds of this fight are in her favor. With Pierce, Rene, and Dyno around, it's a big ask to speak with such courage. But I hear the valor, too, as she takes one more strike at Rene before she falls. There's valor in the things that she says to Sumner. Don't degrade yourself. You deserve better than that. I'll never understand what drove someone like Rene to feel so confident and bold in her capabilities. It's too easy in moments like these to reduce our opponents to a whatever-th place on a chart. As she falls against the stone, I take a breath and nod to Haze. She's just doing what she has to do.

I look to Pierce, who's holding smug against Dyno's polearm. It sinks in for me again when I hear him talking about Dyno's plans to win that no matter how warm and fuzzy I feel toward Pierce, we can't both win. Dyno is fast enough to say as much in his response as Pierce begins to limp away from the scene. And the look of trauma on Maverick's face makes me wonder if he'll be okay. It's similar to Elm Errington from yesterday, muttering I can't do this over and over again. Had the battle not continued after Ama died, I may have done the same thing. I shoot Mav a gentle look, an 'I'm sorry but' kind of gesture before he moves away.

I can't do the same for Dyno. He and Maverick are not the same from what I can tell. Maverick didn't just threaten to tear Pierce, Haze, and me apart. He moves frustratingly behind Maverick's stride. I raise my middle finger timidly and low to the ground, careful not to be so high and mighty about it in case he turns around. I can't speak for Pierce and Haze, but he could definitely rip me to shreds in a one-on-one fight.

Haze and I are the last two on the field, standing beside the person we'd just ganged up on together. I sigh. "We're doing the right thing. I keep telling myself that we're doing the right thing." It's hard to look away from Rene. "Sometimes, I wonder if that'd be an easier sell if we were like them." I'm referring to the four careers we'd just been fighting: one with and three against.

I nod to Haze and then rush to Pierce. His injury isn't getting much better, and I'm concerned that if he's out on his own, he might just completely fall over.

[flees]