counting curses / jf leisure, day 5

I t z a l

These things that lonely ones do
Baby that's what I'm here for
I'll take care and make all your
Wishes come true
If you want to
Do you want to?

Death sounded smaller than I had imagined.

When Eleven dragged Six out from between us I watched the trail of blood in the grass. You could hear the ragged wheeze gurgle from between the space I’d created under his ribs.

I couldn’t say I’d have done the same for Mirage, even after imagining a thousand other universes, all of them without her having a single thought about dragging my dying body with her.

I put a hand down against the hole in my shirt and pressed my fingers to my flesh. I took a breath then, and felt the sinew and bone expand and contract. I traced a hand up to my heart and felt the steady drumbeat.

When I’d seen the tent along the outcropping of rocks and weeds, I did what needed to be done. Two boys had left themselves open to attack. They’d forgotten this was the hunger games, where whatever we had could be ripped from us at a moment’s notice. And even all that friendship, whatever love or desire – what may have made us feel safe – didn’t mean shit when someone else could rip it from you in a second.

That was the life I’d grown accustomed to, had kept me safe.

Mirage knew it well.

You could try to forget that there were twelve other people already dead. Or maybe try to find another way out of this. Beg for it to stop.

What good had that ever done us?

When you were tired or hungry? When they took from you even when you hadn’t done anything wrong? At least when you chose to do wrong, to hurt someone to save your own skin, you couldn’t feel powerless.

It was the same here.

You could try to hold onto that humanity and stay fragile. That’s when you lost, and hard, like trying to grasp at the wind.

Friends? Or Lovers?

You might as well have signed your death warrant now.

“More fun than I’ve had in days.” I finally spoke. We had been headed up the mountain. A little tap, tap, tap of blood had been easy to follow with Mirage at the front.

She couldn’t have been well enough for another heavy slog up through these rocks.

If I’d been like Karl or Niko, maybe I’d have tried again to stitch her up or wrap her in bandages.

“Except next time maybe I’ll be the one to finish things.” I tugged at the strap at my shoulder. “Anyone you’re looking forward to running into?”