Missouri Jenkins/ D8/done

6 Don't Blame Me

For you, I would cross the line
I would waste my time
I would lose my mind
They say, she's gone too far this time

Heartbreak does a number on you.

Love does a number on you.

You did a number on me.

From the moment I saw you, I knew you were going to do a number on me. Now it was my time to do a number on you.

I wanted to prove a point that I would be the only one that could have ever loved you the way I did. I was the only girl that would ever bend over backwards making sure you had it all. That we had it all. I was going to live rent free in your mind for the rest of your life. Revenge was not a plan; it was my new way of life.

I could make my way through the boys at school all I wanted. I was a pretty girl with the right amount of crazy that made it attractive. I could play the role of heartbroken charity case that wanted a bit of comfort. The next guy that would get the chance with me would see an adrenaline junkie who just wanted her next dose of adventure. Climb the highest points of the district. I would fit the role of a young girl just looking for some guidance from someone wiser. Everything and anything were possible just to get your attention.

I was addicted to you, Micah.

No matter who I hung out with, no matter what I did. All I ever wanted was you back. Could you not see how mad your love drove me.

My family started to worry; sure, I was never an easy kid. This, however, was a new level even for me. My parents to busy to know how to deal with my new sense of purpose productively. My sisters whispering behind my back trying to understand what was going on in my mind. They would not get it; they would never understand. I was all alone with my own convictions.

What can I say, I was girl on a mission. Besides hindsight is 20/20 and currently my vision was completely clouded by the thought of your love.

7 ...Ready For It?

Knew I was a robber first time that he saw me
Stealing hearts and running off and never saying sorry
But if I'm a thief, then he can join the heist

No one ever thought of me, Missouri Jenkins, to be the kind of person to have many friends. I honestly never really had any. Not that I could really think of anyway. Friends always seemed to be a little bit of an inconvenience. No one really ever seemed to see the world the way I did. Not many girls wanted to do the things I wanted to do. My mind always seemed to be enough for me entertain myself. Giving me one or the other purpose in life.

The second day of August, the day of my birthday I was running away from a shopkeeper. I stole a little blue necklace as a birthday gift to myself. The rush of theft was something that made me feel alive. The ability to take what I want when I wanted was a little reminder that I am still in control of my life. Sadly, not everything always went according to plan, sometimes you just had to try a little harder to get away with a heist. That is when I was pulled into a little alleyway. The force toppled me to the ground on top of a girl. The one who pulled me into the alleyway. She covered my mouth with her hand grinning up to me with the wildest smile I have ever seen.

Moment’s past. Ushered footsteps passed our hiding space as we stood still while everything else carried on.

That is the moment I met my best friend.

I was not ready for all the times ahead.

In the middle of the night, in my dreams
I know I'm gonna be with you
So I'll take my time
Are you ready for it?

Calliope was everything I could have ever wanted in a friend. As delusional as me on a search for fulfillment. The plots we planned out were those of our wildest dreams. She brought out the worst and best in me all at once. I have never felt this safe with anyone.

The two if us would be unstoppable together.

The drunken summer nights would be our escape from everyone’s concern. We could lay in a field and just exist, the two us in perfect harmony. There were never any questions asked between the two of us. No saying no. That was our policy. If one of us wanted to do something, then so did the other. No questions. Just perfect criminal harmony. The best part of it all, no one would ever know.

For the first time, I was content keeping a relationship a secret. She was mine and I was hers. This was not anyone’s business. No one else would understand and I never would want anyone to understand. We existed on a different plain completely. She was my muse, the pots we would stir. The crimes we could commit. It was all a fun little game with no consequences because no one would ever know that we knew each other.

Our fingers intertwined like our minds and Micah was forever forgotten. The male validation I so desperately sought out was a laughable offense. No one could make my blue eyes light up the way she did. Stolen gifts were our love language. It almost became a competition. Who was ready to risk it all for the other. Who was willing to get caught just for the material affection of our partner in crime.

The high of life with Calliope kept me afloat.

Baby, let the games begin
Let the games begin

8 Look What You Made Me Do

The world moves on, another day another drama, drama
But not for me, not for me, all I think about is karma
And then the world moves on, but one thing's for sure
Maybe I got mine, but you'll all get yours

Sorry, I lied.

I did not forget Micah, or the pain he caused me. I did not forget the humiliation he put me through. I was over him, but I was not over what he did. Calliope made me realize; the man needed to pay. He was going to get everything he deserved.

There was an overall feeling of rage fueled by a chip on my shoulder. I know I hade Calliope, she was not going to leave me. However, that did not leave me feeling whole again. There was a voice in my head, whispering every day that he had to pay. Quiet at first, could hardly even notice it. Then everyday when I walked alone through the halls of school and the glances and the laughter would intensify, so would the voice, now screaming all my worst insecurities at me.

”They all think you are pathetic”

”Who can take her seriously anyway”

”Just another stupid little girl that was used”

”Why would he fall for anyway, she’s insane”

”Just a ran through little whore, no one wants to be associated with that”

”You think he ever really loved you? It was all just a joke, you’re unlovable”

My inner voice kept throwing all those insults at me and worse. Everyday. Every minute. It was a nightmare playlist on constant repeat with no off button. Those thoughts, the voice, it consumed me every day.

One September night, I was laying in Calliope’s strong arms with the grass underneath our backs. The voice was weaker around her. Just an echo, a phantom haunting me in the day, but she scared it off.

”I want to burn him to the ground.” Saying those words out loud was a relief.

”I’m pretty sure my dad has some spare gasoline in our house. ” Calliope was dead serios. She truly wanted to see me happy.

That is how we ended up standing in front of Micah’s house at 3:00 AM. Witching hour. Gasoline spread out across the porch. It was almost a dance, smiles wide and eyes glimmering from the adrenaline. I felt truly alive.

One strike of a match and the flames began to take over. Another one for effect. And the third one for the overkill. I grabbed her hand and squeezed tightly. I wanted to laugh as I started to hear screams from inside. The flames becoming larger and brighter. The heat representing the hell he put me through. I was burning down my worst enemy and all he had. I wish I could have stayed and watched the entirety of the fires glory. Give it the proper respect it deserved. I felt Calliope tug at arm as she started running.

So, we ran.

Hand in hand into the night. The two of us finally free to be just us. It was thrilling.

The fire burned into the night, and with it all my hate.

9 I Did Something Bad

… I can feel the flames on my skin
Crimson red paint on my lips
If a man talks shit, then I owe him nothing
I don't regret it one bit, 'cause he had it coming

The feeling of the flames on my skin kept me smiling for weeks. The warmth breathed new life into me. I was a changed woman now. Even my parents said they have not seen me this happy in a while. Apparently, it concerned them.

There was a new bounce to my walk, a new shine to my hair, my chin was up. You could see the changes in confidence in my appearance. I felt like I belonged in my own skin. The fire finally set me free. A little hint of it still sparkled in my eyes, the only proof of what we did.

Oh, if you were wondering, Micah and his family are fine-ish. They are all alive anyway, no murder was committed. We did a good amount of damage though, that was more than enough for me.

Rumors spread; people talk. They always did. Theories of who did it, grew everyday like a gorgeous wildfire. For the first time, I enjoyed every second of it. It gave me purpose. Let them speculate, let them talk, let them theorize. There will never be any proof anyway.

My family tried to get me to confess. Own up to mistake and take responsibility or some shit like that. Nonsense. I didn’t do anything wrong; I did what needed to happen. He had it coming, and I have never been any better. I feel like they all knew, like everyone knew, but they just could not prove anything. That is the beauty with a fire, you can burn all the evidence.

10 This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

There I was giving you a second chance
But you stabbed me in the back while shaking my hand
And therein lies the issue, friends don't try to trick you
Get you on the phone and mind-twist you

Imagine my surprise when Micah came up to me at lunch time and invited me to a party that evening. I should have seen that it was too good to be true. I was too blinded by what I thought was my own success. Stupid little me.

I agreed to go under the condition I could bring a plus one. I think it was time that me and Calliope made our public debut. No more hiding in the dark. We were no longer shadow people. Surprisingly he agreed. I was ecstatic. Maybe now the score was settled we could finally be friends. That would have been such a nice thing.

I put on a nice dress for the occasion. I thought of putting on a crimson red one on, represent the fire that made all of this possible. It clashed with my eyes. So, a small black dress would have to do. It was a classic, like me and Micah. Our friendship really was like the dress, overused, can get a bit of hate, but in the end is a safe bet. I turned to look at Calliope, she was just gorgeous. Even taller than usual in her heels, I felt absolutely tiny in the moment. She brushed my hair back, pulling my curtain bangs then to the front afterwards.

”They really frame your face well” .

It was a new level of freedom being able to walk into that party holding her hand. Why did it have to take me this long to actually be this happy. I never wanted the feeling to go away. We were handed a glass of champagne on our way in, I never liked the taste. I drank it for the aesthetic of it all. A luxurious party in the district of textiles and fashion. Everyone dressed to the nines.

I tried to scan the room for Micah, hoping to have a conversation with him. Just a good old catch up and a laugh. Maybe reminiscent the time we would come to these things together and get so fucked up that we could not even walk ourselves home. Where was all the alcohol, I needed another drink to wash down the champagne.

A tap on my shoulder accompanied a familiar voice ”Who’s your friend?” .

A smile and tilt of my head ”Oh Calliope is so much more than a friend. She’s my partner in crime and keeper of my deepest darkest secrets.” . Calliope gives Micah a wave before wrapping her arms around my skinny waist as she towers over me.

”Exactly what crimes have the two of you been committing” . In that moment I knew something was wrong. His tone shifted. It was hostile, very subtle, but most definitely hostile.

”Honey, I am starting to get tired” . I turn around to face Calliope with a distress signal all over my face. ”Micah, it has been lovely seeing you. And oh, do we have so much caught up to do, but maybe another time, another place. ” . A pause then one last smile and a brush of my hand on his shoulder before we made our way to the exit. That is where the peacekeepers were waiting for us.

Fuck.

11 Getaway Car

It was the best of times, the worst of crimes
I struck a match and blew your mind

Self-preservation and loyalty can never go hand in hand. At least not for long anyway.

I met Calliope on the run, protecting myself from the long arm of the law. I was running as fast as my little chicken legs would get me. We ran that night away from the fire. I was constantly on the run, away from my internal problems and the ones I created for others. I would keep on running for as long as I could to make sure I was alright. No matter how much I loved her, I would always love me more.

Calliope was loyal. She protected me since the beginning. She got caught up in my great escape from it all. She would stay loyal till the end, and I knew that. She knew that. She was going to be my get out of jail free card. For a second I entertained the idea that she expected me to stick by her, but she was well aware of how she met me and how this will end.

X marks the spot where we fell apart
He poisoned the well, I was lyin' to myself
I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed
We never had a shotgun shot in the dark

A deep breath. Another deep breath. Three for good luck.

”Right, Missouri Jenkins, you are here under the suspicion of arson” The peacekeeper’s voice was hostile as if he already came to his verdict. Guilty. ”An enraged ex-girlfriend is what we were told ”.

No comment, just stay silent. Don’t speak, not yet. Timing is everything. Maintain eye contact, doe eyed eyes. No razors. Show them that you are just a harmless little girl.

”You almost caused the deaths of a very influential family. A family with a valued jewelry business. We can’t have little girls burning destroying important businesses”
I was not targeting their business, or the entire family. Just Micah, the rest was collateral. This was not a big scheme, just personal business. Has the peacekeeper never held a grudge before? Idiot.

”You are in a lot of trouble. People could have died; you are not the one who gets to choose who lives or dies Miss Jenkins. You do not have even nearly enough power to decide anything like that. Say something! No use in denying it, we heard how you were out of your league and jealous you couldn’t have what you wanted! Don’t make us waste anymore time with your bullshit! Girls like you are not worth anyone’s time!” , oh he was angry now.

I let the waterworks do their job. A single tear at first, gulp, more tears. An attempt to open my mouth, more tears, a struggle to speak. It was all a script. Follow the plan, it will work. Think of yourself, you would not do very well in the detention center. You would get so bored.

”I- I’m s s so sorry. No- none of th- this was my I- idea.” my voice struggling to get out between the sobs. ”Cali, sh- she was j- just , she just th- thought…”, I now have a good stream of tears going. ”NONE OF THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN; SHE TOOK MY STUPID THEORETICAL IDEAD AND MADE IT HAPPENED. I NEVER WANTED HER TO ACTUALLY BURN THEIR HOUSE!” I scream between the tears and throw myself on the table to continue the sobbing. When the peacekeeper could no longer see my face, I smiled. All according to plan, I do have a bit of a flare for dramatics.

We were jet-set, Bonnie and Clyde
Until I switched to the other side, to the other side
It's no surprise I turned you in
'Cause us traitors never win

They bought my story of someone so in love with another that they were willing to do anything to help them find peace of mind. Two stupid love sick girls from district 8, nothing deep. I gambled on the notion that Calliope would take the fall, that is how much she loved me. Sadly, nothing ever good would have come of us. Two girls with an addiction to petty crimes was doomed from the start. Why should we have both gone down for the one actual crime we committed? I haven’t seen her since, my guess is she is doing time in the detention center.

What a pity.

No, nothin' good starts in a getaway car