Ullr Snow D11 [fin]

18

I was young when the war ended, but I still hear the stories of how it changed our lives. I'm not old enough to fully grasp those changes just yet, however, I see the evidence all the time. It even changed my life. It changed my view on everything. I went from caring about people, to learning how not to care about others. It made it easier for myself. Losing family is hard, and it definitely pushed me back into my shell. I became a loner, and I pushed all my friends away. It's easier that way. It made it easier to keep to myself and prevent myself from getting hurt. I hurt a lot of people along the way, but I had to do what I had to do to keep myself happy and to protect my heart. Being through every thing has changed me, but I know it's for the best. All I can do is live my life for me without caring about others.

When I was a child, I had a very good relationship with my parents. I always wanted to grow up and be just like my dad. I wanted to follow in his footsteps, to be the man he was. He managed to survive fighting in the war, but it also changed him. He was different, and I'll never forget when my mom said he died when I was barely sixteen. I didn't see his death, but I know what my mom said happened. She said he was sitting there talking to her and he just fell over. They tried to save him, but it was unsuccessful. I blame her for it because she could've easily had tried to save him, and now I resent her. It's hard to talk to her, hard to look at her. I want to care about her, and deep inside I do care about her, but I'll never forgive her for letting my dad die. He was my hero, and now I can't even make him happy anymore, and I can't even follow in his footsteps since I don't want to end up dead like he did. I want one more day with him, but I learned to not dwell on it as it only brings me more pain and misery.

I don't like authority figures, and I do what I can to avoid them. I hate the laws that have been put in place, and I hate that it's becoming the new normal. I have hope it will change, but I doubt it. I don't like that I'm being forced to live my life a certain way every single day. It's hard, and I'm growing tired of it and bored of it as well. I want to live my life the way I want to live my life, and I'm being restricted here, and it's horrible because I have so much creative energy flowing through my brain, but I have to compartmentalize it so I follow these rules and don't get myself in trouble since I really don't want to deal with the peacekeepers who are horrific at keeping the peace. I act on my own accord, and if something is interesting to me, I'll pursue it, but if it's not, then I mind my own business.