young, the giants ➳ train [d7]
May 28, 2023 10:30:55 GMT -5
Post by Deleted on May 28, 2023 10:30:55 GMT -5
Maybe it's all my fault.
How stupid I must be, forsaking God to do what any other girl my age would do but with a man. My mom spends her last words with me drilling my head with more of it, the last chance she gets to tell me she loves me and she spends it for condemnation. How could I - where did she go wrong, what did that girl do to me. That's what she asks, and I don't look her in the eye, facing out the window with my arms crossed as she berates me and Dot both. That trashy little rat, look at me damn it, and that's when I do - she grabs me by the jaw and forces my wet eyes to look at her's. This is what I wanted, right? When I asked Dot to kiss me in front of her, in front of everybody.
It must have been, mama, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, but don't tell her, tell God now. He's the only one willing to listen, she says, and I don't even think that's true. He's killing me for a reason, mama, and she says he sure is. I wonder if she means that, if she's as angry at me as God is. I wonder if she hates me, if she did all along - if he does too. God, what have I done? Do I regret it, or do I just regret being open about it? She leaves and my father never comes, instead it's just me and the empty space where I think God is looking at me from, and I feel naked in this red dress.
I expect my dad to come, but he never does. Neither do my brothers, nor my friends. It's just me and that quiet place until the peacekeeper comes, and he motions and I follow. There's no reason not to - I've always been better off obedient. The only love I ever got otherwise was from her, Dot, the girl with the silver hair. With her goodbyes against mama's, I just wallow in on myself as I board the train. I don't know what to think anymore, other than here I am, a few weeks away from none of it ever mattering anyways.
Thinking like that, I might as well kill myself now; I don't care what I come back to, I just want to live. I deserve that much, at least.
It'll be harder when I start to say the same about the others - two out of twenty four, all I know is myself and the young boy with me. If I'm to do this, he just has to be that: another boy. He isn't a part of my home; after today, I don't even think I have a home anymore. Just myself and four strangers on the world's worst train ride. Get used to it, even if I live I'll never escape this train. I look to the victors and they look just as dead inside as I imagined anyone caught up in this would be. 28 dead kids since Mr. Pryce came home.
I look to Torian Vice - 29.
"So," I start early, catching my reflection in a chalice and wondering how many ghosts must be looking back at me. There's a moment I don't know what to say - how do I introduce myself when I don't even know who that is anymore? I've been tossed in the air so high I don't know what'll be left when I hit the ground, but if I have to sit in silence any longer, God help me so- "Mr. Pryce, first impressions?" I say before sipping something bitter and blood red.