its slightly funny, but also, kind of odd that you are in this situation now. you are barely given time to think about it, because everything happened so fast. xaa was supposed to take the brunt of it for you, because that was just how you both worked it out. you were the brains, your twin was the brawn, and xaa was the mouth. she was only two years older, but she had her head on just tight enough to make sure that you wouldnt get overwhelmed.
being in the same room as your parents had really, really put a strain on your relationship with them. you knew that they were upset that xaa wouldnt be here for the time being, and you watched as they still made breakfast for her every morning. you knew that they were hopeful that she would come back and they all could be a family again.
because you knew all too well that this wasnt a happy one.
it was a business after all.
the toy shop had been silent without xaa to lip off to the customers that tried to do things that they shouldnt have been. you wondered what would have happened if xaa hadnt been here before.
growing up in a dynasty of infamy had never really fazed you. from a young age, you were told that everything had happened for a reason. you did not start from meagar means, but your mother did, and so did her mother, and so on, dating all the way back to a woman named luja who had been reaped and died in the 8th hunger games. it was something that your parents mentioned from time to time, an important day in the mahdavi household. they told you that they used to mourn, but now they throw big parties in honor of her death.
those were the best moments to be apart of the mahdavi family, because everyone forgot the bad blood that ran through the veins of the family tree. your parents had been kinder to you, even more so than before. your twin had always said that you had been the favorite child, because you never acted out or had been fussy as a kid. you did what you were told, as long as you understood what was being asked of you.
xaa had picked on you when you were younger because she saw you as a target. when something would go wrong at work, or something would break in the house, xaa would always say it was you. you, the five year old child that didnt know any better. you, the girl that simply just kept to herself, playing with her coloring books and toy dolls that were brought home because they were "defective".
xaa would always say that your parents didnt notice the wild streak in you, even as a kid. that you would quickly act out in rage and then go back to doing whatever innocent act you were participating in before.
you had always been confused by this, because you never did something like that, even when your parents were physically watching you, and xaa would claim that you did the thing they claimed you did... you didnt.
they thought about putting you in career training when you were younger, but they feared that you might have been a little too fragile to handle something like that. they said it was the soft demeanor you displayed and the clear lack of venomous intent that the rest of your family had. some said you were too nice, and that was something you sort of prided yourself in.
you dealt with less drama, and it gave you more time to lose yourself in books.
for a family that had been knee deep in crime since before she was even born, they sure did have a lot of books lying around the house.
you had immersed yourself in them, because you found them more interesting then other things that were going on in your life. some of them had been manuals on how to put things together, and others had been fairy tales that you had never heard of. that made sense, because this was the type of family that didnt waste their time on make believe. they wanted the cold hard facts, and everything to be put together in a tight little bow for them.
it was sickening, three or four times over. but eventually it was just what was normal for you. you had slowly started to realize that you were, in fact, the punching bag of sorts for the family. you never stood out, because you didnt want too. you never did anything to bring more attention on yourself, and most importantly, when it came time for you to do the job you eventually took over, they almost didnt trust you to complete it.
maybe one day you will find someone that can help you escape this hell hole of a district. sure, its all about luxury, but its also about crime, and fame, and being willing to sell your soul for all of that and so much more.
you didnt want most of it. maybe a little crime, and maybe just a touch of fame. xaa had pretty much garnered all of the fame, and your twin had been much better at the crime part. however, you werent willing to sell your soul for it. so where did that leave you in the mix?
it left you being the girl that would do the little things to keep the hustle alive. its not like everyone knew all the ins and outs of the books, but you did. your mom had made sure that someone in the family could read the numbers like she could, and obviously, your proclivity to reading almost anything the was put in front of you was her queue to at least let you try too.
its what made you in charge of the register.
sometimes your mom would come in at random points of the day, and each time, she would walk right up to the register first thing. shed ask you to pull out the drawer and before she could even pick up a bill, you told her exactly how much was in it, down to the coin. shed corroborate it. youd smile, and she would give her a small nod. whether it was of approval or not wasnt really for certian, but it at least gave you a leg up in this.
your brother had been known as the brawn, and then xaa was the mouth, you had a couple other cousins and family members working in this small little hole in the wall toy shop, but most of them came and went as they needed too. you had made sure to man the store like it was a normal shop. there was too many people being transient through it, which meant sticky fingers were all too common. you knew exactly how to deal with them though, and you had a feeling that people never expected you to be the one that was watching. being silent in this case helped, it gave you a chance to observe when people didnt think that someone would be.
you watched as someone had walked off with one of the toy horses that had been freshly put on display. someone that should have not walked off with them. you sighed, trying your hardest to not go after them. luckil you had a good memory of what had come and gone out of the store, and without even hesitating, you let your brother know exactly who to grab. you did not chase because you knew that you were not well equiped like the others had been. you werent afriad of weapons, but you didnt not know how to use them either.
its one of those things where you had so much fire in you, that you probably could kill someone if you wanted too, but the realization that doing so would probably cost you more than you could ever imagine.
so sitting behind the counter, doing mental math in your head was your game, and no one else could even come close when it came to playing with you.
a part of you knows that your mother wants you to step up in xaa's abscence, but you dont offer because you know those are not shoes that you can fill. in fact, you wouldnt be surprised if they remained empty for a good long while. its very clear that she needed someone to be the mouthpiece of the shop, and you were not going to be it.
you didnt have too after all.
xaa was the one that would get into verbal shouting matches with people just for the hell of it. you could barely talk a couple of sentences before realizing that maybe you were in over you head. its hard here, so hard here, but you want to fit in to a family that would sooner throw you out before anything else.
you didnt rise up and you wouldnt though, because it was clear to you that you could only do what you were good at, and your mother was just going to have to accept that she did not raise you to be the one to stick it to anyone that got in your families way.