Leviticus 18:22//Once&Cephas

c e p h a s .

"So I surrender all
All I want is to live within your love"

I spend my days caring for those in need, those suffering pain both mentally and physically. I channel the power and forgiveness of the old and new gods alike. I take on the burden of the faithless as my mother has done for many years before me. I have been chosen as a divine healer, but who was ever going to heal me of my demons? The ones that plagued my thoughts in dead of night, the whispering voice of the devil when I longingly look into my best friends’ eyes. Why was I cursed with this burden when all I ever did was take on the burden of others.

I yearn for salvation. I cannot continue suffering in silence.

There is only one place I can go to for help, only two beings I can confess my deepest darkest desires to. The gods must hear me, they must recognize my devotion, they must save me for I fear that my unnatural impulses cannot be contained much longer. I am terrified of the devil within me, I am terrified of myself.

I yearn for his touch. His love would be my demise.

As I enter the blessed sanctuary on hallowed ground, an immediate feeling of familiarity takes over. The quiet reassurance that I am indeed in my rightful place, a sanctuary like no other. The scent of holy water lingering between the pews is nothing short of a warm embrace. The gods welcoming all that abide by their laws into their home. Can I consider this my home with the impure thoughts lingering in my mind? Have I committed a sin by even feeling the magnetic pull to another man? Am I still welcomed in the lord’s house?

I feared the most that if I were not to rid myself of the devils’ temptations, I would lose my gifts. Everything I have been trained to do, the help I can offer would all be nullified by my own misfortunes. I cannot let the plague take over my mind and bring a halt to the blessed healings I have performed for the community. They need me to aid them, they need me to be saved.

I slowly make my way to the front of the pews, the altar staring down at me in all it’s integrity and I stare back in all my hypocrisy. My stride slow as I hesitate if I am even worthy of salvation anymore, my heart beating fast out of fear of being smitten. I only pray in my mind that the gods know that my intentions are pure and full of grace.

Lost in thought I almost do not recognize the presence of another disciple fallen on his knees. Brother Catastrophe-Simmons was muttering words I could not quite make out but there was a desperation in his voice that I could understand all too well. The hope of redemption for something you never wanted for something that chained you to the fiery pits of hell. I may not understand every word he spoke in his prayers, but I understood enough that he was battling with the same demons that haunted my worst of nightmares and also the best of dreams.

I sat myself on the wooden bench beside him, not knowing what compelled me to bother him in his cries for help. Maybe if I could help him then I would be able to help myself.

”Your demons, your battles. You do not need to fight them alone, Brother. I am fighting the same war against the devil, let me help you. Let us find salvation together.” I whisper in voice only he could hear, just incase there were others around. No one needed to know of our fight, we can win, just the two of us.