vitruvian man//tanner&cephas

c e p h a s .

"So I surrender all
All I want is to live within your love"

The announcement of my betrothal to Mitsy Howard should have not come as a surprise. Ever since our endeavor to retrieve the alpacas, I have spent a lot of time at the stables where they reside…where Mitsy spends most of her days. She loved the horses more than anything and I loved the alpacas, thus just our fate, our love for the creatures we took care of brought us together. It all seemed logical, the guiding hand of the gods worked in mysterious ways and brought the two of us together.

My father was not entirely pleased with the betrothal but as a man of God, he would not argue with what they deemed as righteous. I knew he hoped that one day when I was chosen for matrimony, it would be with another divine, keeping our bloodline pure in the blessings of the Gods. He just had to accept that this was my fate and so did I.

I never thought that I would be married, I was devoted to my work so much that the idea of the marriage never crossed my mind. I was so plagued with impure thoughts to ever believe that I would be deemed a worthy husband to any woman in our commune. My time spent with Mitsy taught me that she was a strong woman, one with her own ideals who did not need anyone to take care of her. My life was devoted to taking care of those in need, I would not know how to express my love, that I was supposed to feel, in any other way. For all I knew in this very moment, it did not matter who she was, because I did not believe I was capable of loving any woman the way I loved Tanner. All of this would be utterly unjust towards her, but I could not reject. I needed to find a way to make this work the for the sake of everyone.

It was a Wednesday, no matter what else was going on, Tanner and I always made time for each other on Wednesday afternoons. If it was a quick stroll, running an errand or meeting up for a meal, we always made time for each other. Our adult lives and duties did not leave much room for us to enjoy each other’s company at the capacity we did as children, but our bond made sure that we would always be there for one another.

Today more than ever I needed his presence, he would know all the right words to say. If there was anyone that would be able to convince me that this indeed was my destiny then it would be Tanner. I knew no other man that convinced of our faith in a way that it shined through his humanity. Not my father and not even Tanner’s father were of that pure of blessed faith the way he was.

So, I sat on the bench outside of the church waiting for him to arrive, waiting for him to offer some words of wisdom. I look up as he approached the meeting point with a weary smile on my face. I should be ecstatic with joy of the good news, but I felt like there was just another burden placed on my shoulders. This time, I was unaware of how to deal with it. I could always seem to help everyone else but never myself.

”Blessed day, brother. I was hoping today I could confide in you. There has been a lot on my mind lately and I think it is time that I ask for help for once.” words exited my mouth that were far out of my comfort zone. I could only hope that he would be able to offer me some peace of mind.