Full Circle (m v a day 6)

I stand there, my eyes locked on Arlo, and for a moment, I don't know what's going to happen. No matter what, I know one of us is about to die, and it makes me feel horrible. I killed his ally, I've helped him, I've maimed him, and now I have to kill him. He deserves so much better, but then again, we all do. None of us deserve this except those foolish enough to volunteer, and even they deserve the chance to live. And now, I feel my grip getting tighter as I wait to see what's about to happen. He has his chance, and I want nothing more than for both of us to walk away, yet I know that won't happen. Nothing will stand in our way of this fight. All I can do is hope that I make it quick.

"I think you know I have to choose to be difficult." I knew that would be the answer. I knew this is what would happen, but I gave him the chance. I gave him room to do whatever he wants, and I know he wants to kill me. Ever since I killed Tavi, all I've known is that someone wants revenge, and I don't blame Arlo at all. I never will blame him. We're just fighting in this horrible game. I'm glad I didn't have anyone I could potentially fall in love with. "Incredibly difficult even." I take a step back as he swings his weapon, and this is where the battle begins. I take a moment to look around and try to gather my thoughts. I never asked for this to happen, but today, I have to make my fourth kill. I have to kill again otherwise I'll die, and since I've made it this far, it's not something I plan on doing.

"I was afraid you'd say that." My eyes lock on the floor, and my heart is heavy, and I want nothing more than to scream at the top of my lungs. It won't do any good though. I take a breath, and I position myself so I can try to attack with all my strength and might. I know that this is what I've been waiting for, but at the same time, I want to curl away in a ball and hide. I don't want to become a monster, yet I can repent when this is over. I'll never be a monster. I'm doing what I have to do. That's what we're all doing, yet it hurts so bad. It feels so disgusting, but I have to do this all again. It's my only option. "I'll make this quick." I ready myself and I steady my breathing. I just wish it didn't have to come to this, but Arlo is standing in my way, and it's time I make him move.

I don't know if I can bring myself to do it. I've killed so many times before this. I've taken the life of three others, and I could do it again, but I don't know if I can bring myself to actually kill him. If I make it out of this alive, I don't want to go home a stranger. I don't want my family to not recognize me, yet that seems like it's the only option at the moment. I have to kill him, but my heart is struggling to allow me to do what's needed. And now that I'm so close to the end, all I want is the chance to really prove myself, to try to show my family that I'm the same person I've always been, but I'm not sure if it's even possible. I've changed. Everything about me has changed. It changed the moment Tavi fell. I'm a stranger to myself, but I hope my family still sees me for me.

"I owe him, the little shit, that's all." It's fair, but I choose not to respond. All of us are fighting our own battles, and it's not up to me to say who is right and who is wrong because in our own eyes, we're all right, and the others are wrong. Yet my heart breaks for him. I'm glad I didn't get too attached. I'm glad I didn't have someone in my life to form such a strong bond with, but the other part of me is angry at the one I thought I was a friend. I just hope he died peacefully. "Why not make it more painful that you already have?" My heart sinks. I'm not one to torture people. I don't want to make people hurt, but here I am, a murderer. And I have hurt him both physically and mentally. My gaze focuses on the ground, and in that moment, I don't know what to do. It's a shame what the games do to people. For a show. For the Capitol to enjoy. "I'll try my best, dude." I lift my gaze just in time to barely step out of a way of what may have been a fatal blow, but I feel the blade slicing into my skin as it flies by.

But only if you bring popcorn. For real this time." A sad smile spreads across my face. Popcorn. A broken promise. That's all that it is. "All you can do is try your best, man." I feel like the weight of the world is pressing on my shoulders, and I don't know how much longer I can stand. "It's all any of us can do." I could give a speech on how unfair this is, but it will never change out situation. Instead, I take a step back and look around trying to get a feel for things. "Let's make a deal." I look at the glaive before turning my gaze back towards Arlo. "Whoever dies here buries the other with popcorn." I hear my heart hammering in my chest, and I want nothing more than to run away. "You have my word." It's all I have, and it might not seem like much, but I just hope that this is enough.

"D-deal." It's very disheartening to know what's happening. To know soon one of us will die, and I really don't want that person to be me. All I want is the chance to go home, the chance to see my family again. I'm so close, yet it feels so far away. "Maybe they'll like that enough to air it." Yeah, that would be nice. At least my family could get a laugh out of something, yet it seems so impossible. Everything is falling around me, and I want to scream. I want to lay down and wake up in my own bed away from this nightmare, but this nightmare is reality.

I feel the seams of my glove break open, and I feel the knife cut my hand, but it doesn't necessarily hurt. I watch as some blood trickles from the wound. It's nothing. I can survive a lot more. "I think they would air it. It would give people a laugh." After all, this is just a show, a spectacle for those living without fear, a comedy. Something they enjoy. But for us, it's much more, and they'll never understand. "I wish we would've met under different circumstances." Maybe then things would be different, I don't know. I'll never know because this is our reality. "Maybe we could've been friends." I've never had many friends, but maybe it would be worth it. I spin around with my eyes focused on him. I shouldn't think that way when I have to kill him, yet I am human, and sometimes humans need friends.

Breathing is hard, it's difficult, and I can't help but feel like something is grasping my throat. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to run, to hide, but there isn't anything I can run from at the moment. I have to do this. I have to fight. I have to make it home to my family, and I feel I'm not doing enough right now. Everything is crumbling, and I'm so afraid that I'm going to fall, and it's hurting my heart, but the idea of killing someone else is hurting my heart too. I never wanted any of this to happen, and I want to beg for forgiveness, yet I can't do that. Not now. Not never. "I thought we were friends already."

I feel like I'm a monster, like something is growing inside me, and I'm trying so hard to contain the beast, but maybe I need to release it. Maybe the feeling can consume me and make this all easy. Maybe, just maybe all I need is a chance to thrive, a chance to pick up the pieces and survive. I can't underestimate Arlo though. He's strong he's proven it time and time again, but maybe I am stronger. Maybe. The knife hits my back and I realize that there's no holding back anymore, not if I want to live. "I'm sorry. I thought in this arena, I had no friends. I've been on my own with no allies the entire time. It would seem I made a mistake then."

I feel my heart drop even further into the pits of my stomach. I hope he understands that I never meant anything bad by what I said. I just made a mistake. I've been so used to being alone, so used to not having anyone rely on, that I don't know who is a friend and who isn't anymore. "FUCK!" My heart sinks even further than it already has, but this is part of the game. It's all part of it. Something has to give. Someone has to die, and I can't let myself feel worse than I already do. I've been so much of my life questioning myself, and even this moment, it's all I can think about. Why am I here? What's happening to me? Why am I falling? "Do you think they'll kill us? If we just stop fighting?"

Blood gushes from my chest, and I grunt and grit my teeth. I can't show any emotion. I don't want him to know that he's hurt me, that he's caused a lot of pain, and right now I want nothing more than to scream in pain. Everything about this hurts. "I've seen their aim from the turrets in the wall." I point at the walls, and I remember the first day when I ran from the fighting. Hank had to have a died by the warning shots, and maybe it was just a stray. "They could try." I take a step back and ready myself. I don't want to fight anymore, but I don't want to die. "Do you want to stop?" I take another step back. "Imagine the outrage." It would be perfect, to know that I'm not longer performing for The Capitol.

"Yeah. I sorta figured as much. Haven't seen them in action though." He's lucky. He's lucky he hasn't seen them in action. I've seen them. I've felt them, and I hope to never feel them again, but I think it would be better than this. I think it would make all of the emotions go away. I don't except them to leave any time soon. I've never been the best at expressing myself, and I wish that would change. I want a lot to change, and I can start if I make it out of this alive. "Heh. Maybe you should start?" I look at him and cock my head sideways. "Call it a dare."

My heart feels worse. I used to play truth or dare with my sister back home. We'd come up with the strangest things at times, but it definitely brought use closer. I wipe the blood from my cheek, and I look around. Yeah, maybe I should let these things kill me. "Rock, paper, scissors, to see who stops first?" I take a couple steps forward closing the distance once again. "Flip a coin?" I know that as long as he's fighting me, I'll never stop because what's stopping him from actually killing me? I'm sure he's thinking the same, but maybe he's being for real. Maybe.