peregrine wren | d8 [fin]

Dad didn't really plan on having kids, but he says he's grateful to have me. That's a good thing, I'd say. Mom's a bit different when it comes to that. Or at least, that's what I've been told. I never did meet my Mom. Dad won't tell me why they aren't together. He says it's for the best.

When Mom gave birth to me, she surrendered me to Dad. She didn't want me, so I suppose I respect my Dad for taking care of me. Although, that's really the bare minimum, isn't it? That's what my best friend Jessie tells me. She says that I should expect more than him just taking care of me. He said he's grateful to have me too, though. Isn't that a good thing?

Jessie also told me that my Dad is supposed to say he loves me. He doesn't say that, but I think he shows it. My friend tells me I'm wrong. Again, she says he's just doing the bare minimum. I still feel like that can't be right. He loves me. He does, right?

I spend most of my time with Jessie. Dad's too busy to play games with me, and talk about my day. He works too much for that, and he spends a lot of time making sure Uncle Oliver's okay, after everything. Uncle Oliver's been through a lot. My uncle was in the Hunger Games, so he's got a lot of pain, Dad says. He and Uncle Jory stopped seeing each other recently, too. That's been tough on Uncle Oliver, Dad says. I wonder if I can help him somehow. Dad says not to worry about it, that it'll all be okay.

I hope he's right about that.

Jessie and I like to run around and play games. One of our favorites is just throwing a ball back and forth. We're both pretty good at it, honestly. My aim is pretty solid, if you ask me. We also work on our homework together. Sometimes her mom helps us out with the math part of things. I'd ask my dad for help, but I guess Jessie's mom is a good enough helper that it's okay that he doesn't have the time.

I remember when I was about five or six, Dad and I spent a lot more time together. We would play cards. We'd go for walks together. He even taught me how to sew. Every night I sleep with the teddy bear that we made together. I miss days like that, and I wish I could have them back, but I guess I understand. He's just too busy.

I'm pretty independent now. I get a lot done by myself. I've even started studying some new stuff. I've started watching the Hunger Games when they're on, and looking at some old ones, just to prepare myself, you know? Just in case it happens one day. I want to be ready. Sometimes I think I might volunteer when I'm older, just to make things easier for Dad. If I won, I could help us with money, and Dad wouldn't have to work so much. If I didn't win? Well, he wouldn't have to worry about taking care of me either. Maybe that would help him out. I hope so.

I haven't told Jessie about studying the Games. I know that'd make her nervous. I don't think she'd like it. I think it'd scare her, actually. She cares about me more than a lot of people do, so I think she'd be worried about me, and make me stop watching and studying them. She wouldn't understand that I'm doing it to make things easier for my Dad. Although, I haven't told my Dad either. I don't know if he'd care, and he's too busy. I don't want to bother him with another conversation.

I just wish I could have life be the way it used to be with Dad. Maybe someday I'll look for Mom. I'm really not sure. I don't think that'd make Dad too happy though.

My life is not quite right anymore, and I'm not really sure how to fix it.